All comics by elijah

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by elijah
1-17-03
Buy More Stuff!
Shut Up! You are what is wrong with society, only by losing everything can you do anything!
EEEEEEEE This is the Emergency Broadcast System, The Apocalypse is Now!!!
Finally, we have thrown off the yoke of consumer slavery. I see people hunting elk in central park. I see people in leather shirts that will last the rest of their lives...
The President asks that you remain calm.......BOOM!!!
Crap, there goes all my stuff...

 

by elijah
1-17-03
The End is Nigh!!!!
Doesn't "nigh" mean coming, i think its here.
The End is Here!!!!
Uh, right, I'm going to go over there and contemplate the true buddha while bashing peoples faces in and spouting tag lines that look better as graffiti in a toilet stall.
THE END IS HERE!!!!
Your never getting into this house, your too retarded to train here!

 

by elijah
1-17-03
I am Milosovich, a level 12 goth, sunlight irritates me and I do not much like churches, but the graveyards are cool.
ok, didn't you see the "No Goths" sign outside, I wasn't talking about the ancient germanic people.
But I have many skills, such as lurking and poetry writing!
Yeah, right. How about you get the hell out of here before i Bar B Q your head like i did to Morissy
::::SOB:::: Must I contemplate my dark soul alone in this dead world?
Keep walking dead boy, before i kick you in the balls so hard you will sing like Robert Smith

 

by elijah
1-17-03
Ho Ho Ho, How are you young man?
Ok, what the hell is this? Your too old fat man.
I'm not here to join your little club, I am here to spread the joy of christmas in this dark world.
You best get out of here, avatar of consumerism, or I cant be held responsible for what happens.
P p p please, give me food, this is inhuman.
You will get food Claus, as soon as I get my new TV

 

by elijah
1-18-03
Man this is some good shit. Did you get it from General Lee?
What in the hell are you talking about?
Damn it man, stop being a robot!!
Thats it, gimme that spliff.
::cough cough:: Here you go man
Holy Christ, this is some good shit!

 

by elijah
1-18-03
Are you stessed out, are your bills stacking up? Do you feel like a 2d stick figure?
How do they know?
You should try new Dexatropaciltrate! It can turn you from this...
I hate my fucking life
To This!!!
Wow, I'm British, so my life is still worthless, but now I can't stop smiling! Thanks Dexatropaciltrate!!

 

by elijah
1-18-03
One day in Priest land...
Holy Crap! Jesus, you're back. Does that mean the endtimes are upon us?
Actually, I'm here to fire you.
Fire me, but why?
Because, you have been touching little boys, now get out of that collar!
The New Job
Happy Birthday little boy, let's go into the closet of fun!!!
If this is a party, why am I the only one here?

 

by elijah
1-18-03
This is gonna be the greatest prank EVER!
March 31, 12 hours ago at the Call Center...
Man the whole myth of Christ is just a story to make you think that theres a life after death. Christianity is a sham man.
this guy is boring the hell out of me, i gotta find another cubicle.
APRIL FOOLS!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to type like this?

 

by elijah
1-19-03
Slayer is ok, but I really think music has been shit since Kurt died...Hey man put down that knife...
Man, Slayer is so bad ass i need to write them a ticket for being too hardcore.
I was totally there for the 86 world tour, I sold that shirt for $100 on Ebay
Someone told that Demon guy that I said Slayer sucks, I can't feel my legs...
Akka Bakka Lakka! How could I hate a country that celebrates such a band?
Shut up Towel Head, They are opening the doors. FUCKING SLAYER!!!!!

 

by elijah
1-19-03
Hi, I'm CC Deville from Poison, why should I fuck off?
TEH CC STANDZ FRO COMIC KONTEST HOAR!!!!11
Oh man, I thought this was my big comeback...
Yeh, ILL BE COMING ON YOUR BACK!!! TIME TO FUCK TEH BITCH!!!!111
Ouch, my ass!!!!

 

by elijah
1-19-03
Dance with the dead in my dreams
Stupid cross, I can never gut up close...
1001111000111 Moshbot system failure 1100110011
Listen to their hallowed screams
Can someone call 911, please, I'm losing a lot of blood...
The lyrics are captivating, but it really is the high powered guitars and drums that make them great
The dead have taken my soul Temptation's lost all control
I thank the Lord every time I think about Slayer...and Jap Scat
FUCK YEAH SLAYER!!!!

 

by elijah
1-21-03
Give me a hug.
I think not.
why not?
Well, it goes like this. You are a demonic fiend from the darkest pit of hell, I am an archangel. We don't hug.
Uh..no really...I have reformed, I love flowers and Jesus now.
I hope you love the taste of my blade.

 

by elijah
1-21-03
We are the robot brothers. One of us always lies...
...And the other always tells the truth, to pass, you must find out who is who.
Wait Wait Wait. I saw this on Doctor Who once. We ask the red robot what the silver robot would say if we asked him if the red robot is the liar!
You're a fucking idiot. The red one is TOBOR. I'm running away while your nether regions are probed.
Sorry Mr British, but your friend is correct. PREPARE FOR CORNHOLING!!!
I prefer to pinch your nipples...HARD!!!

 

by elijah
1-22-03
Wow, this acid fucking rules, I feel like I don't have skin!
Yeah, Sulfuric will do that...
I AM DOING THE ROBOT
I wonder if I can cop a feel on the chick over there whose rolling...
I think DJs are so godlike, I would fuck a DJ just for the hell of it...
wow, I can get ass just by being a record player player...

 

by elijah
1-22-03

 

by elijah
1-22-03
1st to go by popular vote was PurpleRose
I am Angry Little Man--Time to Die Purple Rose!!!
Ack! I am Dead!
The Mafia struck during the night!
As Mayor, I think it is terrible that we killed the innocent PurpleRose.
Uuuuuhhhh I am the corpse of GrandTheftAuto, a regular townsperson, killed by the Mafia.
What Will Tomorrow Bring?
I, Joey the Fish, accuse SusanHightower!!!
No, I didn't do anything, I'm innocent!!

 

by elijah
1-23-03
One day at the call center, word came from corporate...
You are all no longer senior support representatives!!!
Man, working for an outsourced company is unpredictable...
The Next Day...
You are no longer employeed here!!!
God I feel subhuman...
And Finally...
You are no longer a member of the human race!!!
Dammit, your not even my boss anymore...

 

by elijah
1-23-03
The fate of susanhightower
Glug
I, OfTheRedDeath, prounounce you dead mafioso!
That night, in the home of TonyMontana...(the boom is a gun shot)
Hey, who are you?
Time to die Montana, you shouldn't have fucked with the mafia!
The next morning...
Damn, the mafia killed tony, he was a detective...
That Sucks, or my names not Wonko The Sane!

 

by elijah
1-25-03
Shortly after the vote, the Reaper visited Wonko The Sane...
Yo
Curse my Mafioso ways! Look at the fate my criminal life has brought down on me.
That night, Joey the Fish was killed in a fire that destroyed his home.
::Burning Sound::
Oh god, my house, is burning, as is my body!!
Joey was found to be an innocent villiager, just another poor schlub killed by the Mafia. The next morning the mayor awakens from a 24 hour bender.
Jimmy, what the hell happened, more people are dead and Angry Little Man left town...
I am thinkink thees game iz almost over, da?

 

by elijah
2-01-03
Tex comes to The City
Howdy. I am a cowboy. My name is Tex.
Nice chaps honey!
You are a sick fuck.
No baby, I am a GREAT fuck!
Ok then, here is my hotel room number
I'll need to raincheck that sexy, my anus is bleeding

 

by elijah
2-01-03
OfTheRedDeath takes action
Damn, they all think I'm mafia, but I know crypto did it, I'm going to kill myself
He He He. They all followed my voting and did not kill me, even though I am the last mafia!
The Mayor makes an announcement
No one knew that I was the last Detective.
Holy shit negativedown, OfTheRedDeath killed himself!
I would Mung him but he is made out of meat.
Uh, yeah ok sicko. Whats that whistling sound?

 

by elijah
2-01-03
2 hours ago...
Well son, this intel seems sound, the town is overrun by mafia, send in the bombers.
Yes Sir!
Now again...
I swear smackboy, i here a whistling sound...
My arm hurts...
My shorts are cool, like my dodge...
Shut up doppelganger! I hear something whistling...

 

by elijah
2-01-03
Irony
Listen to me people, something strange is going on!
Hey everyone, I'm Tony, I just got back from being lost in the woods and I am so glad to finally be home safe!
::cough cough:: I can't believe it ended this way...::die::
You the one who wrote this, you should have known asshole.

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