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| The following program is sponsored by Eggbeater City. At Eggbeater City's Back-to-School Sale, buy six eggbeaters and we'll give you a free chicken! | |
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| Welcome to Frat Row Cinema. Tonight, Ron Palillo stars as a wild sophomore in The Horshack of Notre Dame. | |
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| Check it out, guys, it's that junior girl, Esmaurelda. With this new "sonic undresser", I can blow the panties clear off her body! Watch! | |
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| Wooo! Upsilon Phi Sigma rules! | |
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