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| APPROACH, MY MINION, AND TELL ME OF YOUR NEFARIOUS PLANS! | |
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| Hail, Great Bert! I have devised a plan wherein I break into publishing houses and fill elementary school textbooks with tales of Grover Cleveland's neuticles! | |
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| TOO ANACHRONISTIC! Plus I don't really like Neuticles. Found that out when Ernie-- | |
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| Right! Well, then how about I introduce a bill to Congress requiring every American to memorize one of Millard Fillmore's fourth-grade essays? | |
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| CONGRESS? Those clowns couldn't pass a kidney stone without attaching six riders to it. YOUR REQUEST IS DENIED! | |
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| Aw, crap. Guess it's back to doing entire stand-up routines about Andrew Johnson's Johnson. | |
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