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| Thank you, NBC, for believing that a mediocre sketch comic could be a great late-night host. I don't know how you knew, but you were right. | |
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| Thank you, David Letterman, for always coming off like a bored schoolteacher counting the days until summer. May you hold onto your timeslot forever. | |
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| And finally: thank you, Jay Leno, for not eating a vegetable in the past 50 years. With any luck, you'll have a heart attack before you can— | |
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| Get out the chair, motherfucker!! Leno's back!! | |
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