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| I like my press secretaries like I like my wives: much younger than me, and willing to offer superficial encouragement while letting me do whatever I want. | |
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| So after my speech at the Jamboree, I thought, of course! I should get myself a Boy Scout! | |
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| Don't worry, Mr. Trump; I learned everything I need to know from your speech. The media is fake, crowds are big, and you won the election and fixed the economy through sheer charisma. | |
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| Can you pay me in sex yachts? | |
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