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| Hello, I'm Jack the Ripper, and this is my co-host Lizzie Borden. We're here tonight to tell you how much fun you can have with your own Pet Rock. | |
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| Wait... that's not right. | |
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| We sure are, Jack. You'll be thrilled at the hours of excitement the Pet Rock will bring you! Let's give it a few minutes to show off its talents! | |
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| Why do I get the feeling I'm watching somebody else's infomercials? And if I am... where are *my* infomercials? | |
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| Nancy, isn't it amazing, all the things you can do with this non-stick frying pan! Let's use it to cook eggs in the microwave! Watch this! | |
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| Damn you, God! I'll pay you back for this, I swear it!! | |
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