Greetings Mr. Schweitzer. It is I, your alca-fairy! I have decidied that you have spent one too many nights drunk in a public restroom wondering where your pants are.
Look, I don't give a rat's ass who you are. I don't have a problem drinking or a drinking problem, so buzz off!
If you don't change your ways, I'm afraid I will have no other choice than to haunt you endlessly until you give up the bottle.
Fine. If it gets you off my back, I'll find a better use for the damn bottle.
