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| When I was 8 I once ate two puddings out of the fridge, and when my mom asked who did it, I blamed it on my sister. | |
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| At age 11 I often stayed up 15 to 20 minutes past my bedtime, reading under the covers. I drank milk straight from the carton. | |
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| A month after my 12th birthday my friend Stu and I went to see a movie. And it was rated PG-13. | |
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| When I was 14 I got my finger caught in a bandsaw in shop class and I said the F-word. Twice. They sewed the finger back on. | |
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| When I was 17 I once went swimming ten minutes after eating lunch. And later that day I jaywalked. | |
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| Now that I'm 27 I'm making up for a life of repression by killing hoboes and hiding their heads in my freezer.. | |
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