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| My mom was a Nicaraguan hooker. One time, she almost sold me for crack, but the transaction was broken up by aliens from the planet Cluxxxor. | |
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| I hate that bitch. On my sixth birthday, I hatched an elaborate plan to kill her by putting a poison dart frog on her while she slept, but she woke up and stabbed me in the thigh. | |
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| Uhh... this is supposed to be "Boring Confessions." | |
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| I know! I didn't tell you the cool part! | |
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