All comics by hevquip

 

by hevquip
6-13-02
why robots aren't like us
ROBOTOR, SUCK MY OIL
what a cunt.
we understand
i'm sorry. i lost at the horsetrack today.
they're mean
you dumbfuck twatster.

 

by hevquip
6-13-02
if it was only this easy...
hey babe, give me a suck
i cant. i just came from the densist.
but it's not...
oh, so...you got a sore mouth of something?
not exactly...
...thank god
...he's just the one guy for the day that i've allocated a suck to.

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
t.v. adverts
do you ever find yourself looking at old men...
sometimes
LUSTFULLY?
definately!
you fucking perv!
ah well...

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
shit happens
my leg fell of today.
shit happens
that's swell, YOU TWAT
shit happens
hey fuck you, i was JUST about to win the marathon

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
does jesus actually care?
jesus...what are you doing up there?
fuck! not this question again!
well...
well my son...
he cares about work at least.
...i'm a very devoted to carpentry

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
cigarettes...
I THINK MY ADDICTION TO CIGARETTES IS KILLING ME!
hmmm...
SHOCKINGLY!!!
boo hoo
how so? did you get cancer finally?
are bad for you.
no! the gas station clerk shot at me for trying to steal some!
idiot...

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
fuck...
I WILL MELT YOUR CITIES!!!
not again...
robots, sometimes...
oh he better be fearful.
what are you on about?
can just be SO lame
i dunno, i'm just thinkin' about grilled cheese sandwiches again.
fucking robots. i needa job.

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
granted, yes, you are a VERY good looking guy, but...i dont think it'll work out between us.
sob
BUT WHY! IS IT BECAUSE I'M A ROBOT?!?
no, i'm just gay.
DAMNIT

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
urban
check my saddle. dig it yo! i'm gonna go put it on a horse.
cowboys
yeah dawg, it's illing'...but we don't have any horses in the city.
suck
oh come on, i didn't say i'd put it on a REAL horse.

 

by hevquip
6-14-02
"Dear John,..."
"...YOU'RE A CUNT. love, grandma. p.s. happy birthday (i spent the $20 i was going to give you for your birthday at the casino."
hey, she got better at it this time around.

 

by hevquip
7-26-02
...yo jesus...
...you wanna get high...or something...
nah, i'm already pretty high...
UP HERE ON THIS FRIGGIN' CROSS.

 

by hevquip
7-26-02
jesus...i am dying of cancer...
well...
that's just god's way of saying you're not good enough to live anymore.

 

by hevquip
7-26-02
yo jesus, does god really love me?
...oh shit i want a pizza so bad right now...
oh ho! don't be silly my son!
of course not! do you think he can love ALL 6 billion of the people on earth?

 

by hevquip
12-11-02
crime pays
oy, me pembers. a rorry tom skidder tay tay? bust it, foo.
bling bling, ye feckin' pikey.
but typically...
yo, i get real raw on y'all cut that shit up be illin' as i throw fish and chips and they be grillin'. cut and check, cut and check. wikka wikka.
ah yeah, boy. double crunch time. copper be saying dont do the time if ya cant do the time, check it.
only for the dumb
word. that knife fo' shizzle mah nizzle. check the blade drops mofo's quicker than roaches get hit by a can of Raid.
keepin' it real with my slick stylee like banana peels. i'm comin' out on top after i kill y'all, blade too sharp...i just cut off mah balls.

 

by hevquip
12-11-02
you know, the fault lies within religion. because after all...
you wanna buy som droogs?
nah mang, i'm alreedy lit up, yo.
without the martyr know as jesus, there would be no christianity. but, sometimes you have to hurt...or kill the one you love.
i gotta som crack i ken sell youze. you wanna som crack. taka the crack. coom on now, mang and buy mah crack. esa so good for you, maka you feel good eeenside.
alright mang, hit me up with a gram, bling bling.
if they were all willing to hurt jesus, don't you think he'd do the same in turn to them?
ah hells no motherfecker. damn sinner, i used to love you, but no, you gave into the temptation of substance. next time get high on JESUS. hope you think hell is "dope", yo.
damn HAYSOOS, that's a raw deal.

 

by hevquip
12-11-02
to me....
yo allah.
actually, i'm Jesus.
it is all the same...
yeah, but i want to make you my new allah. the other one said i should kill myself for my cause.
i see. maybe he was just saying that because he hates you. afterall, i had to die for everyone else's sins...so do you think i'd be too happy for them? so who knows how bad he got it.
it is all valid...
um, okay...but if i'm going to start worshipping you, you wont ever make me kill myself i hope?
i dont know you idiot, i died for all of you. dont you think you it's about time you start dying for me?

 

by hevquip
12-11-02
this is a comic i made. hey cally_chan....
i dont have a job. i dont have to go to classes.
stop making comics, go to work.
i sit here and make comics, but the rest of you should have responsibilities.
ESPECIALLY since you have made the same comic 3 times in a row, but with different characters.
on a side note, i'm going to see my girlfriend's new kitten tonight.

 

by hevquip
12-11-02
one day...
i'm hevquip, i just got off from my job at NASA. hello callie_chan. i bought this new car today. do you like it? i figured i would stop by and read you a letter from your grandma.
word, yo. that car is tite. my grandma can be a cunt sometimes, but she makes a mean pot roast. i bet you'd dig her.
i met the love of my life...
"dear callie, have you ever seen a grown man naked and crying? if not, please come over, i have a secret."
i dont believe you...
not here, of course.
yes, but she included a picture...i am in the mood for pot roast though. call her up and tell her we're coming over.
okay. remind me to bring a side dish.

 

by hevquip
12-11-02
hevquip is a lighthearted male member of his species
i am hevquip and i enjoy looking at hammers.
anything he says can and will be used against him, but...
but unfortunately, due to the early morning time and lack of sleep, my coordination is off.
it should never be taken seriously, as he means it in good fun.
hence my reason for running over your dog this morning.

 

by hevquip
12-13-02
this story is about a roommate of mine.
hi. i'm JP. hevquip is a dick. i love jesus and i take everything too seriously.
he takes everything too seriously.
last night hevquip stacked boxes up in front of my door, so when i came out of my room this morning, they all fell on me. i smashed up his boxes because they're worth all my hate.
i woke up and laughed my ass off in bed. he doesn't know though. it's fucking funny to me that someone gets pissed at some boxes.
all my stomping on his poor boxes woke him up at approximately 6:48 AM

 

by hevquip
12-13-02
all my roommates
i'm mike, another one of hevquip's roommates. what hevquip did was funny as hell, but very inconsiderate to ME because i have to work ALL DAY with JP and he'll be in a pissy mood.
they understand JP
i'm jearl, another one of hevquip's roommates. i sleep in the room across from JP. it's funny to hear someone stomping up and down on boxes in the morning. he kicked some too. JP needs to lighten up.
but they support me
i helped hevquip take boxes upstairs so he could stack them in front of JP's door.

 

by hevquip
12-13-02
my words
hi, i'm hevquip. i even stacked a BIG box and leaned it against the door so it fell on him. too bad i was asleep, but JP's stomping and crunching woke me up and i layed in bed laughing at JP.
as the truth
it's funny how he can direct all his pissed-offness and hate towards some boxes. i've never met someone like him, someone that cant take shit and cant take a joke. i cant wait for him to get home.
i am right.
then again, he has to get pissed at boxes seeing he's half my size and that i'm 6'4" with 9 years Tae Kwon Do experience.

 

by hevquip
12-13-02
i am a nice guy
not that i would fight him because i could wrap his ass around a tree and uppercut his head off, but mainly for the fact that it was a funny joke and should be taken light-hearted.
but sometimes JP needs a reality-check
so in the meantime, i'll sit at home and wait for him to get off work so i can watch him brood about it.
seriously, it's only so long it happens.
unless he dies of a brain aneurism or heart attack first, which wouldn't be surprising seeing that he doesn't exactly cope with "reality"

 

by hevquip
8-03-06
what the fuck are you looking at?
your hammer. it's nice.
is it a heavy hammer or light or do you put shit up on walls with it or what's the deal? i could use a hammer like that, fix my t.v. or build a shelf or something.
get the fuck off my porch. this is my trepani hammer. what're you, the fucking authorities? no one saw me steal this shit i stole.
oops, a little too far to the left. i'm sorry, i'm pretty drunk.
yeah, you look pretty "hammered". later. drills are where it's at now i hear, you fucking caveman.

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