All comics by jamesallen

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by jamesallen
6-06-04
My image has been stolen from Penny Arcade.
I am clip art.
Now I am a squirrel.
We are underwater.
Who will end our meaningless existence in copyright limbo?
God bless America.

 

by jamesallen
6-06-04
I am a dog on a ball. I am also a homosexual.
You are going to hell because you are a homosexual, but not because you are a dog on a ball.
Why do you persecute me on the basis of aspects of myself that I cannot change?
I apologise. I appreciate your ability as a homosexual to dance. Let us party.

 

by jamesallen
6-07-04
Greetings. I am the entity known as asiangirl1.
Likewise, I am the entity known as asiangirl2. Let us engage in friendship.
However, though I appear to be asiangirl1 merely turned around, I am now an entirely different entity known as asiangirl1-2.
Woe! What has become of my friend?
Fear not! That usurping fiend, asiangirl1-2, has returned to the oblivion that spawned her. It is I, asiangirl1.
Thank God!

 

by jamesallen
6-08-04
You think we should take him down, now? He hasn't moved in quite a while.
achoo.
Shit.

 

by jamesallen
6-08-04
I am a chessboard. In my initial state, I contain what appear to be endless possibilities. The potential for creation is limitless.
As events progress, however, the available choices are increasingly limited by those made before. An unfavourable outcome may eventually become unavoidable.
Kind of like the last comic, huh?
Shut the hell up.

 

by jamesallen
6-08-04
Mother, I leave today to find my place in the world. You have taught me well, but I must now attempt to exist as an individual. Y'all.
Mother, why do you follow me? I must find my own way, and, however well-intentioned, you only smother me with your presence. Y'all.
This may seem ironic to some, but I shall not cry out for my mother.
But I am your mother.

 

by jamesallen
6-13-04
I jumped in the mud in my bare feet and I washed them with soap but all of the mud wouldn't come off and now my feet are brown.

 

by jamesallen
6-13-04
I think you've taken casual day too far.
Ha ha ha ha!
I was brutally murdered.

 

by jamesallen
6-13-04
I die.
As my life fades, that which makes this being "me" is stripped away, layer by layer.
Why was I so foolish as to believe my essence capable of surviving the cessation of my existence?

 

by jamesallen
10-05-04
I am King Robot, your masterful sovereign. My perfect metal body and electric brain allow me to rule you with incomparable alacrity.
Yes, my liege, you are truly the consummate ruler.
My infinite compassion encompasses all of my subjects. You would be helpless without the guidance of such a superior being as I!
Of course, my liege! Your triumph over the inherent weaknesses of humanity is faultless!
God, I sometimes despair at the thought of this thankless task of mine.
My only regret is for my family, whom you have left mutilated and rotting in the basement.

 

by jamesallen
10-08-04
Ho, robot! Welcome to the fair factory of GLA Industries. Wherefore hast thou graced us with thy presence?
You are beink incorrect, comrade! It iz beink zee factory of zee people, now! Vee are the vorker's revolution! Vee vill lead you into a glorious new age of freedom!
But it is WE who are the workers, the people. Shouldst not it be we who take command of our own destiny? Lead ourselves?

 

by jamesallen
10-08-04
When he had thus spoken, the five hundred Yonakas applauded the venerable Nagasena and he spoke to Milinda the king as follows:--
Now, majesty, answer, if you can.
Then Milinda the King spoke to the venerable Nagasena as follows:--
Bhante Nagasena, I speak no lie: the word 'chariot' is but a way of counting, term, convenient designation, and name for pole, axle, wheels, chariot-body, and banner-staff.
Thoroughly well, your majesty, do you understand a chariot.

 

by jamesallen
10-08-04
Hey, guys, what's happening?
Whoa, wai-- what're you doing?
Oh! OH WHY GOD WHY!

 

by jamesallen
10-08-04
Oh... uh, hi, Brian....
Hey, Bri.
Just... cutting through here... to--uh....
Don't tip-toe around it. Nagasena's with me, now, Brian. So fuck off.
I'm so sorry....
Come on, baby. Forget him.

 

by jamesallen
10-09-04
The world is a shadow of what it was. The joy we know is not the joy we once knew. The sorrow we know is not the sorrow we once knew.
The true passions have passed from the world. All that remains are their pale echoes.
So passes the glory of a Golden Age. Arphocras hic cum Drauca bene futuit denario.

 

by jamesallen
1-06-15
Sony unveils updated model of portable music player at 2015 Consumer Electronics Show.
Former 'The Bachelor' contestant opens up about split with Juan Pablo Galavis.
Dentistry group asks school to release names of men involved in Facebook scandal.
Comedian confirms wedding--urgggh....
Yeuagh!

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