All comics by johnpearl

 

Jesus and the Joke from God. by johnpearl 3-27-02
Jesus is questioned by an out of century police officer with an abondance of celulide. License and regestration please. To be Jesus? That wasn't mandated by the gov't	Look, I'm not playin'. Apparently he doesn't notice that I'm dieng for him.	Jesus, visually upset with the cop, plays an early April fools joke. 2000 years early. Woof? Um, did I do that?

 

Transition of the gods by johnpearl 3-28-02
Um, Everythings bigger in Texas. Well, I'm a hooker and I'm closer to the screen.	Well, I feel out of place. Der, Um, Me go fishing!?	It's a race, I hope I win. Don't touch my thigh

 

He Said ... She Heard by johnpearl 3-28-02
He's looking at my boobs Nice, um, "t-shirt"	Yours looks like a sperm swimming into an egg I Get to impregnate her!	He hopes he doesn't have my herpes. Mmm.. Digital sex? I have a 30 pixel ding-dong.

 

Hell is for Rock Stars (Part I) by johnpearl 3-28-02
Hell: 1993 Ich bin Kurt Cobain, jah? I'm Emo, wann be gay together?	He had me like a piceis I'm Emo, wann be gay together?	As our sinful grunge Icon talks to the other Hellmates, nobody notices both hands in his pockets: for all eternity.... Are those real nipples? I can't stand to look, ergo, I turn around! I..I..I..I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive!

 

Hell is for Rock Starts (Part II) by johnpearl 3-28-02
Hell: 1993 and 3 weeks Um, You're poopin' in Hell and you don't have a little bag. Duh, I dont duche.	Frek, that always happens!	To this day Jeff Lawhorne pretends he is actually an important part of a band. GOD NO!!! IT'S THAT IDIOT FROM THE LIVING END! I don't need you to tell me what to do! I can come here if I want. I have british teeth.

 

Pottsmokersgrove by johnpearl 3-28-02
Pottsgrove High School while John was a freshman. Yeah, you know, that one year ago. i r t3h m0n3y k3vi[\] ub3r pwn j00 high just b-cuz im Jeff and have a cat named snickers and im gey dosn't meene I have a Les Paul. but I do got poo chgops.	Oh Adair, I love you. Good thing we don't have sex! Because I said my Hell is a closet and I'm stuck inside. Hehe, I know, once I almost got a viper for my first car but I didn't want it but mom said I could have it. Oh, I like to shop. I boutgh 233$ worth of clothing yesterday.	What, no sec in the band closet Mr. Boyer? Please? No Pete, just Die.

 

Lawhorne I by johnpearl 3-28-02
Color Day Special Solo(?) 2001-2002 (sung)poor sum suger awn me	oh bebe bebe, im not that inocent not yet a woman	and now, my own song: I love to be a lamer i love to hate the haters i love to masturbaters and pretend i am a skater.!

 

Afghanimation by johnpearl 3-28-02
Dickinbull Afghanistan, near atomaboma afghanistan jung iwanna sunka camaldica venta allah bong My sister says "don't bomb me please"	The US Doesn't care. hollymolly abu my anus isa humba holey she asks "why?"	AHAHAHHAHAHA. Towel head camel jockeys from the land down under. DIE! In fact, speak english. you hosers. We hate you.If you had buildings we would bomb 'em! But now we will kill all your pet goats! If I wishen Ic didnt haba-daba ina penis "Just don't spoil the meat"

 

Daniel and the Liars Trend by johnpearl 3-28-02
A not so uncommon occurence in the life of Daniel (mumbled) Mum were's my thing? Daniel, I don't have a clue! You're so irrisponsible!	Daniel yearns to play with his imagination. (mumbled) Yeah mum, sure, you're right. Gosh. Cleo took it, I swear. I don't care Daniel. You're never gonna finish school, thus you'll never leave the house, ergo you have all your life to find "it".	Never again will we be the same. Once professional middle school came to be, well, it was just crasy. And mumbling in ones thoughts..that's just wierd! (mumbled) I wish I didn't have a penis. It wouldn't, oh. this sucks. Yeah, right David, you're right. Mhmm, Im gay. Right.

 

More Clones, Less Confusion. by johnpearl 3-28-02
Everyone understands. In the park In the park	Everyone understands. I like nuts I like nuts	Johnpearl goes to far. I like nuts You lick nuts in the park?

 

McI'm Gonna rape you-alds by johnpearl 3-28-02
Our Hero casually strolls up to the place of his employment Yo yo . This here McDonalds is pretty empty today John. Yeah Eric, this is true...dawg.	At first things are pleasent but then... Oh Lord it's an un-named manager! I got to do the filter pan and then eat like a million cookies. RAWR! Oh I have an appointment with Satan later so you're closing alone!	Eric is in to deep, but not a fan of the movie. =X Oh, Thank God it's my freind and fellow medeocre employer, but that uniform has got to go! Suprise. This isn't McDonalds, It's McI'm Gonna Rape you like a drunken prom queen at marti gras-alds

 

Props for Pyros by johnpearl 3-28-02
Really this means nothing		but Jeff lawhorne really does have bad bad teeth. Like Michale Jakson bad. Maybe even gary coleman. Bill cosby, heck, bozo the freakin clown. I want that frame. I want that frame. My soul, it yearns for such simplicity johnpearl loves Lord_Blytzkrieg comics.

 

That's Bad by johnpearl 3-29-02
Promise lurks in the future for this man... Hi, I am Howie Mandel. Sex-starved comedy king!	but slowly fades into a genatortures concert... I'm Barb the S&M Penguin Queen!	and now it's justs gross... I'm Edward Scissor Hands virgin boy and I have Scissor hands.

 

Hell = Togo by johnpearl 3-30-02
Rodney Dangerfield is welcomed into Hell, um, Togo. From now on, I demand Hell be called Togo. Got it? Well, that names got Togo. What happens if I have Togo?	Satan gets a little hot under the collar. ph33r is noware to be found. Errr, It's not funny, I'm warning you, stop acting up. Rar! Can I use my Togo stick? What about the pizza place, do the make pizza Togo? Oh, Togo or not Togo, that's a question.	After an overly elaborate transformation sequence the end result is... Fine. D'oh.

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