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| Once upon a time, there was this shoemaker who lived in a small hut. One day a volcano erupted and sent a stream of hot lava roaring through the hut. | |
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| The lava was so hot, it would have melted the skin off the shoemaker's body, which would then have coagulated into piles of unidentifiable goo ... | |
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| except the shoemaker was on vacation in Germany at the time. There he got bitten by a plague-infested rat, and so his skin broke out in all sorts of multihued boils. | |
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| The boils were very itchy, and when the shoemaker scratched them, they would burst open and send streams of pus shooting forth. | |
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| The shoemaker soon died, and his body was placed on a transatlantic steamship. He was eventually buried in a landfill near Hoboken, New Jersey. | |
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| (This story pleases my sister so much, she always starts slamming her tongue in the door when I read it.) | |
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