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| At age 6, I glued Spot to my kickball. We had a good game that night. | |
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| At age 8, I played with my cap gun. Right in Timmy's ear. | |
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| At age 10, I snuck into my big brother's room and stole his centerfolds. Who was he going to complain to? | |
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| At age 12, I put on Mommy's wigs and bras whenever I was alone. | |
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| At age 14, I discovered beer, pot and coke. All in one wonderful night. So did Erica, but she passed out first. | |
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| And in the last Congressional elections, I carried 68% of the vote in your district. Sleep well, my dear constituents. | |
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