All comics by knightsquire

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by knightsquire
6-16-04
Parks are such nice, unassuming places...
Trees, grass, bushes, a squirrell on a park bench...
But some things are more than they appear...

 

by knightsquire
6-16-04
Most animals run away from humans, but in parks, squirrells usually expect the best...
But this here is James. He's had a rough day and isn't in the mood for feeding squirrells...
But James is about to get a whole new perspective on life...

 

by knightsquire
6-16-04
...I really hope Life doesn't get worse than it is right now....
...Of course, this squirrell probably has rabies and will bite me any second now....
Yep....any second now...
Oh cheer up, I won't bite, I promise!

 

by knightsquire
6-16-04
Now I really have lost it... talking squirrells...?
Now if it was a Gekko, I might not feel so bad... at least I could save money on car insurance...
And here I thought relaxing in the park would be good for me.
Sure it is, just close your eyes and take a deep breath, James.
Great, my talking squirrell knows my name.
Technically I'm not ~your~ talking squirrell. But why split hairs. Speaking of car insurance, I ~was~ in one of those Geico commercials, you know... before the CG effects...

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
So, you can read my mind and you know my name... Do you grant wishes? Are you a ~magic~ talking squirrell?
You humans... you always want wishes granted.
What's wrong with that?
What? Wishes? Nothing, I suppose, but it just goes to show you how you want something for nothing.
Well, duh, talking squirrell. Who wouldn't want something for nothing? Especially wishes granted by a magic talking squirrell!
Wish-smish, James. You don't need magic wishes from a talking squirrell, anyway. And my name is Ralph, by the way. Nice to meet you.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
Wait a minute... Your name is... Ralph?
Yeah, why? You don't like Ralph?
I just thought that squirrells had names like "Chip" or "Sparky" or "Jitters"
Jitters? What Squirrells have you met named Jitters?
Don't change the subject! Your name is Ralph!
Ralph Agamemnon Demetrius... the third, actually.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
With a name like that, you have to be a magic, wish granting, talking squirrell.
Hmm. Well, I do talk, and I guess I might have some magic in me, but I don't think I grant wishes.
You don't think you do? What does that mean. Have you ever granted wishes before?
Nope. Never even tried. Sure, I've been asked lots of times, I just never did anything but munch on a walnut and skitter away...
But me you decided to torment?
Torment? This isn't torment. Torment is the crazy old ladies who prattle on for hours at you and having to keep quiet when they ask you if you think they're crazy... Can you imagine it? Sure you can!

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
So do you think maybe you could try and grant a wish for me?
I suppose I could try. What could it hurt?
Great. First wish--
Whoa, "First Wish" my patootie! One wish, bub, and one wish only. This may not even work, you know. So make it count.
Okay, I wish for more wishes.
You know, I think I hear a crazy old lady calling my name....

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
All right, fine... one wish... I wish I could... go anywhere I wanted, whenever I wanted to... Instantly!
You know they invented a thing called the automobile... oh nevermind... Your wish is granted! Huzzah!
So did it work?
Hmm, maybe I don't grant wishes after all. ... You hungry? How about a juicy walnut?

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
So you don't grant wishes? What kind of a magic talking squirrell are you?
Hey, technically, I never said I ~was~ a magic talking squirrell. You labeled me that....
But... that's so not fair. You talk.
Hey, I didn't mean to mislead you. And remember, I said it might not work. I told you I never granted any wishes before.
You suck as a magic talking squirrell, you know that?
Wow, you're worse than those crazy old ladies. You forget your Geritol today?

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
You know, now I wish I wasn't here anymore. No more talking squirrells who don't grant wishes.
Hey, its not that I didn't want to, its that I can't.
Uh-oh
Um, so you are a magic, wish-granting, talking squirrell.
Well, maybe a little, I guess. It runs on my Mom's side, you know. Recessive gene and all.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
So, um... what's happening?
It looks like we are cauht in some sort of time-and-space distortion.
Wow, you're smart for a magic, wish-granting, talking squirrell.
Nah, but I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night... Just kidding, I have watched a lot of TV, though.
TV?
Yeah! Star Trek, Dr. Who, Quantum Leap, Gilmore Girls...

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
Gilmore Girls? Nevermind... I don't want to know.
Like you don't have any guilty pleasures.
Come on....
Fine. I've watched American Idol... more than once....
And you wanted to sweat me over Gilmore Girls? For shame, James.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
So...um...how much longer are we going to be stuck ...where-ever "here" is?
Well, as long as the temporal flow is disrupted by the flux anomaly...
...and the chroniton elevation remains the same...
If you don't know, just say so.
Oh, ok, cool. I have no clue. I am just a squirrell, you know.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
I'm starting to get sick.
Don't puke on me, its not my fault.
I wish this would end now.
Well, now you've done it.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
What happened?
Um, you said "I wish this would end now" and it looks like you got your wish.
I didn't mean the end of the world!
Well, you know you really should be more specific when you make wishes.
I'm starting to hate you, Ralph.
Hey, you're the one who made the wishes, not me!

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
This really sucks. A lot.
Well, don't say I didn't warn you.
But you didn't warn me.
Oh shut up and make another wish or something.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
I wish we could go back to the park!
Yeah, what he said!
Um...
Yeah, anytime now.
Is that a radioactive dinosaur?

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
A radioactive dinosaur? That's insane.
And a talking squirrell who sends you time-travelling is normal?
AAAAHHHH-EEEEEEE!!!!!!
Whoa, that's not cool.
Sorry about that, I have the most terrible indigestion after I eat...

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
Great, you killed my magic talking squirrell! Now I'll never get home!
Oh, my... I do say... what an inconvenience.... I am terribly sorry.
You're sorry? You're a radioactive, fire-breathing mutant dinosaur! And you're sorry?
No need to be rude, young man, I did apologize. And technically I am a mutant lizard, not a dinosaur. Dinosaurs went extinct several millenia ago, you know...
Spare me.
Well, certainly, its the least I can do.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
So, he was a magic talking squirrell, eh?
Yeah. A magic, wish-granting, takling squirrell.
Wish-granting you say? Well, Huzzah!
Huzzah?
Let me guess, it runs in the family?
Well, now that you mention it, my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather several times removed was a talking Gekko... Made a name for himself in the Insurance business.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
So is this normal?
I guess so... usually its more like a spinning-make-you-puke feeling though...
Like this?
Yep.
So how 'bout them Red Sox?
I hate this.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
I hope this stops soon.
You and me both, I get sick really easily...
BURP!
That's just not right....

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
Well, now the mutant lizard is gone...
Ummm.... Is this the same park?
Uh-oh.
...I really hope Life doesn't get worse than it is right now....

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
Whoa, this is wierd...
Tell me about it. This day sucks and I was hoping to relax here. Instead I find a doppleganger....
Are you going to kill me and take my place?
Um... no, then I wouldn't exist.
Oh... Ok... cool.

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
Across time and space...
On the planet called Urth...
No evil creatures will escape me!

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
Wars were fought...
Measures were taken...
And soon, it all was over...

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
But out of the ashes of the aftermath arose creatures bent on destroying the remains of humanity...
Faced with the difficulties, one man made a hard decision...
...and he became, BERNIE, The Monster Slayer!

 

by knightsquire
6-17-04
In Bernie's mansion headquarters....
We meet Bernie and Solomon, his friend and ally...
Solomon Friar is Bernie's partner in this monster-hunting venture... He's a little unbalanced.... But then again, so is Bernie.
Together, these two maniacal miscreants murder monsters and protect the remaining human survivors of the world.

 

by knightsquire
6-18-04
Let the saga begin...
Sol, you have finished the weapon inventory, yes?
Of course, man! Like 10 minutes ago!
Very good, very good. I sense that we will be very busy this night. Creatures from the depths are rising.
Is that what that smell is?
No, that was me... I finished the rest of the chili for breakfast.
Dude, light a match!

 

by knightsquire
6-23-04
And the saga continues...
BURN FIRE BURN! SEE THE FLAMES RISE!
ARISE LORD QUAGGOTH, ARISE!
It's workin! It's workin! YEAAAAH!
ARISE AND CONSUME! ARISE AND DESTROY!

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