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| Mwahaha! Silly Scottish Person! I, Ruud van Nistelrooy, am here to ruin your day! | |
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| Look. I've just discovered that I am indirectly responsible for the death of a close friend. I don't think there's any way you can make my day even worse. | |
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| Dead? A friend of yours? Really? | |
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| Yes. He was shot in a theatre whole on a blind date I'd hastily arranged because I didn't have the heart to tell him to stop hitting on me. | |
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| That's terrible. I just had sex with his corpse, you know. | |
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| DAMN YOU RUUD VAN NISTELROOY! | |
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