All comics by lemur68

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by lemur68
9-29-01
I can accept the fact that the terror attacks and this "War on Terrorism" are going to affect every aspect of our lives...
"Recapping the day's stories--Bush approves the deployment of special forces..."
...but I think it's gone too far...
"...and the Taliban once again refuses to hand over bin Laden."
...when I can't even watch the damn porno channel without being reminded of it...
"That's all from Nudes at 11--up next, The Girls of Operation Enduring Freedom."

 

by lemur68
9-29-01
Hey baby, I'm 60% German. Do you have any German in you?
uhh...no...
Would you like some German in you?

 

by lemur68
9-29-01
"The hijackers believed they would then reach Paradise, where they would be doted on by 70 virgins."
Yet another example of the paradoxes within the great world religions....
...because how could it be considered Paradise...
...if the chicks there don't even put out?

 

by lemur68
9-30-01
"I say we gotta SEEK AND DESTROY bin Laden and his henchmen! Better yet, let's just KILL 'EM ALL and let God sort 'em out!! I think I speak for all Americans when I say, 'DON'T TREAD ON ME!!'"
what he says
That guy is merely using the current political climate as justification for his latent racist and xenophobic tendencies.
what he's really thinking
Metallica is SO gonna sue that guy.

 

by lemur68
9-30-01
~*~d00d want 2 try som eof tehse pills i dug uot the dumster @ teh pharmasy? i hear they pakc a awsom buzz~*~
OKAY
d00d that was totaly weak
YEH TOTALY,

 

by lemur68
9-30-01
So my company's been called up to active duty. I dunno how I feel about this.
I mean, I love my country, and I'm willin' to fight to th' death to defend her.
Prob'm is, I dunno how a buncha re-enactors shootin' blanks outta muskets is gonna be much of a match for th' enemy....

 

by lemur68
9-30-01
need...junk...
ahh, that's the stuff.

 

by lemur68
9-30-01
Tobor is in his final night as a pledge of Nu B. Fraternity.
RAAR!! ACTIVES MAKE PLEDGE TOBOR GO ALL HELL WEEK WITH NO CORNHOLE!! TOBOR CANNOT RESIST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT!!!
...!!...
whimper
Pledge Tobor has failed in his pledge duties, and is hereby blackballed from becoming an active of Nu Beta Fraternity!

 

by lemur68
9-30-01
Tobor is in his final night as a pledge of Nu B. Fraternity.
RAAR!! ACTIVES MAKE PLEDGE TOBOR GO ALL HELL WEEK WITH NO CORNHOLE!! TOBOR CANNOT RESIST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT!!!
...!!...
whimper
Pledge Tobor has failed in his pledge duties, and is hereby blackballed from becoming an active of Nu Beta Fraternity!

 

by lemur68
10-03-01
Bye.
Well, I'm off to catch my flight.
Later
Great to see you! Hey, what happened to your nail?
They wouldn't let me on the plane with it.

 

by lemur68
10-03-01
One Deuce
In Fat Jesus We Trust
--------------------------------------------One Deuce Stripcreator Treasury, Jerk City

 

by lemur68
10-03-01

 

by lemur68
10-03-01
Hey look! It's....

 

by lemur68
10-03-01
2
LEGIT!
2
LEGIT
2
QUIT!

 

by lemur68
10-03-01
glug.

 

by lemur68
10-03-01

 

by lemur68
10-08-01
"cutechick: so what do you look like? boozrdood: some people say I resemble Brad Pitt."
aw yeah.
"cutechick: ooh, sounds hot. lets see."
fuck. gotta think quick.
"boozrdood: point your browser to my webcam. cutechick: ooh yeah, baby!"
damn I'm smooth.

 

by lemur68
10-11-01
8pm
noodlenoodlenoodle noodle groove noodle noodlenoodle noodle groove
12am
noodle groovegroove noodlenoodle noodle noodle groove noodle
4am
whoa man, that first song was right on.
Thank you!

 

by lemur68
10-11-01
"Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh has revealed that he has 100% hearing loss in one ear and 80% hearing loss in the other."
Damn, that really sucks.
....that he's not mute, too.

 

by lemur68
10-17-01
Sing to her. All women love to be serenaded.
Wehn a man loves a women HE NALE'S THE FUCKIN BITCH
uhh...go away please?
If that doesn't get her, threatening bodily violence is often effective.
helo there bich, im a virgin and hate it, so stikc youre ass in the are and preppare to have sex!! othar wise i will shoot
AH! POLEECE!!
If she still doesn't come around, resort to murder.
then die
ah! i am dieing

 

by lemur68
10-17-01

 

by lemur68
10-17-01
Wha...jail?? What the hell did you do?!?
I shoplifted something from the K-Mart.
I been caught stealing once. When I was five.
I enjoy stealing. It's as simple as that.
Well, it's just a simple fact.
When I want something...man, I don't wanna PAY for it!

 

by lemur68
11-01-01
Bring out the gimp.
The gimp's sleepin'.
Well, better go wake 'im up then!
RAAAAR!!

 

by lemur68
11-01-01
So this Friday last, myself and the great Honus Wagner, he of the gentle-man's sport of Base-ball, away to the tavern to partake of a fine pilsener....
and we are regaling with jests about the Negro and the Irishman, and tales of dalliances with women of loose virtue....
when a hap-less interloper interrupts to say that our jests smelt of the diarrhoea of one thousand Chinee with the malaria, infused with that of a thousand African bushmen with the tse-tse disease.
Not one to suffer a jape at my expense, Honus and I proceed to taunt the poor lad with allegations of being a homo-sexual and a pederast. He then attempts to engage us in a bout of fisticuffs.
How-ever, he is undone when Honus delivers a finishing blow with his brick-bat, dis-patching our would-be pugilist with a well-placed strike betwixt the ocular membranes.
Defeated, he shouts a vulgar epithet in our direction before shambling to the in-firmary with a cleft brain-pan.

 

by lemur68
11-04-01
(topical news item)
(thoughtful observation)
(choose one: set-up of punchline in dialogue, or dialogue-free pause for comic timing)
(punchline consisting of comic twist on observation)

 

by lemur68
11-11-01
....and with this new "Strip-Creator," victory over the righteous shall be ours! AAHAHAHAHA!!!
HEH HEH HEHHEHf'tagn
Yeah, hey guys, I was wondering if we couldn't clean things up, cut out all the swear words and the sex talk? It's too un-Christian for some people, and it would mea---
You were on Stripcreator, weren't you?

 

by lemur68
12-23-01
so I saiz , tehm hot bichs aitn' goign too haev sex wiht tehmselfs
wath teh fuck ar yuo takign abuot??

 

by lemur68
1-01-02
cum hear, i am a viargin and watn too haev sex wigh yuo cos im reely horny
\/\/|-|4+ R j00, 4 f4g0+??
shut up! now bennd ovar an prappare to get rapped or i wil kill yuo!!!
Yu0 C4|\||\|0+ pHR34k m3H, f0R 1 4|\/| +3|-| H4xx0R K1|\|g!!111! Yu0 |\/|u5+ P|-|34R m3|-| 1337 5k1775! 1 \^/1ll 0\/\/Nz0Rz j00!!!11!!1
then die
4|-|!!1 1 4|\/| d131|\|g!!1!!1

 

by lemur68
1-01-02
Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas! We must inflict noise lesion!
If I had a hi-fi, we could, Dr. Awkward.
So what's the yale delay? Into the racecar!
You're mad.
Damn mad!

 

by lemur68
1-01-02
Tobor lived as a devil robot.
RAAR!!
RAAR!!

 

by lemur68
1-02-02
I am the filthiest person alive!
How dare she? WE are the filthiest people alive!!
Yes, we have to destroy her!
You mailed me a turd and burned down my trailer, and now I must execute you!
o/" How much is that doggy in the window....o/"
I am still the filthiest person alive!...mmm, what's this?

 

by lemur68
1-15-02
Why is your tusk moving?
'Cause I'm from Alabama.
And in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa.

 

by lemur68
1-28-02
All of the text on my screen is highlighted, and it's stuck that way.
You must have hit CTRL-A. Hit it again to get rid of it.
I
One hour later
So I keep hitting control, eh? But nothing's happening, eh?
!!!!!

 

by lemur68
1-29-02
All the text on my monitor is highlighted, and it's stuck that way.
Sounds like you hit CTRL-A. Hit it again.
20 minutes later
I did what you said, but it's still there.
Let me repeat. Hit CTRL-A.
45 minutes later
So I keep hitting control, eh? But nothing's happening, eh?
!!!!!

 

by lemur68
6-15-02
Hey, Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I saw you guys pulling up in your tour bus. Tell me, what's it like to tour like big rock stars?
Do you enjoy the experience of the open road? Do you stop at your favorite restaurants and landmarks in each town? Do you get to talk to the fans, or is it all just contest winners and nasty groupies?
Do you even know the difference between each 5,000-seat concert hall you play...or is it all just hotel room to limo to backstage deli tray to stage, then back to your hotel room?
Hmm...I don't know. I'm usually too busy having sex with strippers on top of the big pile of money in the back of the bus to give it much thought.

 

by lemur68
2-10-03
I'm a COWBOY! On a steel horse III riiiide! I'm wanted--WAAAWNEHHHED! DEAD OR ALIIII-HIIYIIIVE!!
God dammit, Indie Pete. This "irony" bullshit has gone TOO far.
Sheeit. He ain't no cowboy.

 

by lemur68
3-14-03
It hadn't occurred to Dave that Karaoke Night wasn't the best place to trot out "Tequila."

 

by lemur68
3-14-03
2.3.03: Lemur brings his new computer home, after lacking one for 15 months.
Alright! Now I'll be better able to keep up with everything I want to--I'm gonna start participating in SC again.
A lot has changed, though. The layout's a little different, there's a bunch of new characters, and I don't recognize 75% of the names in the forums. (...okay, what's this thread all about?)
l00zr_n00b: t3h wr0d iz l3g5 spr3d t3h wr0d OMFG LOL :(
But, it's good to know that some things will always remain constant.
l33t_r3g: Eat fuck and die, troll. l00zr_n00b: YU0R T3H GH3Y LOL :(

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