All comics by mimsywhimsy

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by mimsywhimsy
4-01-01
One day, Siege was jaunting throught the park....
I'M A LITTLE TEA POT.....
What are you, a clown, a mime....
No, sir, I, in fact, am a re-PUBLIC-an.
"We didn't start the fire...."
I love being a god.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-02-01
Siege, why must you insist on going to that damned club and making an ass out of yourself.
Eric, they love my jokes there.
SIEGE DON'T GO....You'll tell that joke...Everyone hates that joke....
JENNI, I'm not going to tell the pope joke, but I'm still going to go....THEY LOVE ME THERE!
So I says to the pope, I says....
My god, if I have to hear this joke ONE MORE TIME.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-02-01
Stacy, I think I was Charo in a past life.
You can't be Charo, she's not dead yet.
What about Phyllis Diller?
Well, she may be old, but nope she's not dead either.
Cher?
You don't have the ass for it.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-03-01
I have decided to move to Florida, become Jewish and dress in nothing but lime green Polyester.
Why would you want to do a thing like that?
I like the tought of being in the hot sun, listening to the waves crash on the shore...
And all of the half nude muscle men lining the shores just waiting to service you in any way you see fit?
Honey, I said Florida, not Greece.
Oh, so you just want to diddle Mickey Mouse.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-03-01
Eric, I need a man.
Don't we all?
Someone to sleep with, someone to cuddle with....
Someone to promise you the world then leave you standing there...with NOTHING but a tear and two bags of cheap potato chips.
That's it, I'm over men...I'll just use the "pulverise" setting on my vibrator.
That was in throughly bad taste.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-03-01
So, YOU stole my trenchcoat.
YES, and I've hidden it in a place where no one will ever find it.
You've hidden it in the pope's hat.
Ha! No.
So I says to the pope, I says....
BROTHER....if I give you the coat back will you stop making that joke?

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-03-01
Still single?
Yep.
Still horny?
Yep.
Wanna borrow my porn featuring Emilio Estavez and Phyllis Diller?
I digress.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-04-01
I'm going to see "Annie" this weekend.
"THE SUN'LL COME OUT TOMMROW"
You really know how to ruin an already bad musical.
Just wait until I break out into Jesus Christ Superstar.
I'm sure it's a spiritual experience.
"JESUS CHRIST, JESUS CHRIST, WHO ARE YOU, WHAT HAVE YOU SACRIFICED..."

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-04-01
"You are my soul and my highest inspiration..."
FATAL EXCEPTION 1:2000, "You don't love me annnnyyymmmoooorreee..."
But I do my love....
Then why did you buy the laptop, and why are you dating a penguin?
Diversification.
ABORT RETRY FAIL...ABORT RETRY FAIL

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-04-01
So who would you rather see naked.....Brad Pitt or Russel Crow?
Neither.
Elizabeth Hurley.....Nichole Kidman....??
Nope, nope.....AND I HATE NICHOLE KIDMAN
Who Then..?
Bea Aurthor.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-04-01
God are you there?
Of course my child.
God, are you a man or a woman?
Meditate and you will understand.
You're avoiding the question, God.
Don't back talk me, I'm the almighty remember.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-07-01
I have a question.
Shoot.
Sex or masturbation?
Masturbation.
That was uncalled for.
WHY?
Cause sex is too time consuming, and after masturbation the vibrator cooes me right to sleep.

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-07-01
God, can I ask you something?
YOU JUST DID!!!! Oh, that one gets me everytime.
I didn't know you had a sense of humor.
I CREATED YOU DIDN'T I.
Apparently, our dear Lord is a sarcastic asshole.
PETER GET AWAY FROM THAT MIC...I'm sorry about that. Sometimes Peter oversteps his bounds, now what was your question again?

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-08-01
So, you have 2 men now....one who would buy you the world and one who gives you hickies.....which do you want?
I'm not sure yet.
I'm thinking the first one.
I'm thinking the last.
But, hickies are so white trash...
But they match my incessent need to watch Mama's Family reruns back-to-back with Married with Children

 

by mimsywhimsy
4-15-01
Happy Easter, Lord.
Happy Easter, my child. What is on your mind today?
Just wondering the answer to life's eternal question.
Which question, my child, and I shall answer it for you.
Are Latoya and Michael Jackson the same person?
My child.....only Tito knows for sure.

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