All comics by mundays

 

by mundays
6-14-02
Dude, I said I was sorry...
Yeah well you hurt me Dan, you really hurt me...

 

by mundays
6-14-02
Well here's my apartment... It's been a great night... I feel kind of awkward about asking this but...
... You do want to come in for a coffee don't you?
Are you kidding? Only spontaneous combustion would keep me out of your arms tonight.
Alright! I am sooo gonna be gettin some
Arrrghhhhhh!

 

by mundays
6-14-02
Ok... So you definitely know nothing about these missing whores then?
Oh mercy no! I am a priest! I know nothing of such things.
I killed them! I killed them all! Ha ha ha!
Sorry? You say something Father?
... No.

 

by mundays
6-14-02
Ding Dong!
Yes? What is it?
Good Morning, I've come to ask if you've accepted christ into your...
Slam!

 

by mundays
6-14-02
You're sure this sex machine will work proffessor?
Yes, yes, yes... once inside the machine you will experience 10 years of constant non stop fucking. Now in you go...
It's dark in here... Oh well... I've paid eight grand for this decade long sexathon... It better be worth it... The proffessor has probably invented some kind of big titted blonde nympho android..
Ah light! Now when will the fucking commence?

 

by mundays
6-14-02
Hello my deer! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
Ok I am not saying this again... if you make that joke one more fucking time I'm going to skewer your bollocks on your antlers, you witless fucking cunt.

 

by mundays
6-14-02
Oh Sally I can't wait to meet you in real life, tell me about yourself again...
Okay... I'm 14, same age as you, I'm a cute little blonde and I love kittens and cloudy days
You sound like my dream girl... When can we meet up?
It'll have to be a week on Monday... I don't get out until then.
Out?
Yeah... er... I mean out of... er... school... So anyway, what are you wearing?

 

by mundays
6-14-02
doo doo doo wap ba de daa doo
Fuck me, look at that.
doo doo doo wap ba de doo

 

by mundays
6-15-02
Great... I'm having one of those Lynchian dreams again...
Me too.
What are you talking about? You're patently part of MY dream.
Am I though Jeff? Am I?
... I am aren't I?

 

by mundays
6-15-02
I am pleased with the way your therapy has progressed young Michael... These dillusions of insect paranoia you have been suffering can finaly be laid to rest...
Insects are just that, insects. They are not malicious beings placed on this earth just to criticise your fashion sense... The whole thing was only in your mind.
My God Doctor you're right, I have been a fool... I can now go safely out into the world without fear of bug persecution... Thank you, thank you so much, today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Those trainers you're wearing are shit.
Damn...

 

by mundays
6-16-02
Christ I'm depressed, all I do is swim, swim, swim... None of the other fish like me... Life sucks... I can't imagine there's anybody out there having a worse time of it than me...
...can't... hold breath... much longer...
... I don't think I've ever been in love... Nobody ever truly understands me... I'm sick of eating plankton... I'm...

 

by mundays
6-16-02
"Cos you're there for me tooo... doo doo da doo doo do doooo"
Damn it Ross quit playing with your new guitar and help me, we've got to get rid of Monica's body before Chandler get's back...
It's just not as funny as it used to be...
No! Phoebe No! Put down that machete... Noooooooooo!

 

by mundays
6-16-02
Nothing ever happens around here...
BIG WET STEAMING MINGE FUMES!

 

by mundays
6-16-02
Well young Michael, you've come along way with your therapy and I am pleased to say you won't need to come in anymore...
You now understand that the floating disembodied head was all in your mind... You don't need to listen to the voices anymore... You can go out into the world and live a normal life.
Well, I'm cured.
Ah, that's a blessed relief... Now go home and kill your sister, and remember, don't harm her lower privates... we'll be needing those later.

 

by mundays
6-16-02
I'm so alone.. I don't understand why none of the attractive lady squirrels ever stay with me... Am I destined to die without ever finding true love? What is it about me that makes me so incompatable?
Well hello there baby... You into acorn butt plug fucking?

 

by mundays
6-17-02
The dawn of time...
The Wild West Era...
Yeeee! Haw! A'hm a rootin tootin, sharp shootin cowboy. Get along little doggy, yeeeeeeee ha!
The 21st Century...

 

by mundays
6-21-02
This doesn't look good.

 

by mundays
3-22-03
God bless ebay, who'd have thought that one day I would own Paul McCartney's skeleton?
Now when was it Macca died again...?
Hey! Hang on one second.

 

by mundays
3-22-03
Ah an email back from the seller at last... Now to get to the bottom of this.
Dear Stew, you are correct in your assumption that the skeleton you paid eight grand for is not Paul McCartney at all... It is infact Ted Rogers of 321 fame. Hope this helps, sincerely Mike.
Oh you are in for some seriously negative feedback Mike.

 

by mundays
3-22-03
...then when it arrived I realised that Paul McCartney isn't even dead yet... So what do you think Mr Griffin? Do we have a case against Ebay or not?
You realise of course that I'm not a lawyer... I'm your barber.
Did I ask you for a god damn CV? Now do we have a case or not?

 

by mundays
3-22-03
Ted Rogers skeleton... What the fuck am I supposed to do with Ted Rogers skeleton?
Later at the field behind the scub scout headquarters...
Oh the kids are going to shit it when that bastard melts!

 

by mundays
3-22-03
Thank you for agreeing to this meeting Mr Sturton. Now as the head of the UK branch of ebay I want to know just what you are going to offer my client Stew as compensation for the skeletal con?
Didn't you cut my hair last wednesday?
...Looks good doesn't it?

 

by mundays
3-22-03
So unfortunatley there will be no pay out from ebay. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help... Now would you like that beard trimming?
Absolutely useless... and this beards a bit shit too... Well now the snows melted I may as well go and get Ted Rogers back... Perhaps I can resell him myself
or maybe there is some other way of making money out of this after all...
Hey the snow cleaned you up a treat... Lets get you home, I've big plans for you...

 

by mundays
3-22-03
Ladies and Gentleman, thanks for coming and thanks for paying £100 a ticket each...
Well it's been a while but I think you'll agree it's been worth the wait. So without further ado I give you the ultimate comeback... MISTER TED ROGERS
After 10 mins of watching a motionless corpse the audience start to heckle...
Ted Rogers? Looks more like Paul McCartney to me!

 

by mundays
3-23-03
This mirror's fucked.

 

by mundays
3-23-03
You know what Dan? I'm sick of you, swanning around like you don't give a shit about nothing, like nobody could touch you. Well I tell you what, I am this close to smacking your stupid fucking face in
Dude I could kick your ass any day of the week... Infact I just might.
Just name the place Dan... Just name the place...
...next time I name the place okay?

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