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| Today's news from the Red States, we are going to bomb the shit out of them wimpy limp-wristed freaks on the other side. | |
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| In the news from the Blue States, we are going to be attacked. No big deal though, let's all go pick some flowers and sing Kumbaya! | |
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| In this journalist's opinion, those scumbags need to be eradicated. Traitors, baby killers, fags, immoral Satan worshippers, all of them! | |
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| In this journalist's opinion, they're a bunch of morons over there. No brains whatsoever. No wonder they're so easily led. | |
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| In other news, unemployment here has hit a record high of 92%, since most jobs are being sent overseas. | |
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| In other news, unemployment here has hit a record high of 91%, since most of us would rather sit around and smoke pot all day. | |
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