All comics by peterpansnr

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
I first met Sam in a Games Workshop – I had stopped just outside the nerdy establishment to buy the Big Issue from a vendor who stood near its doorway.
£1.50, mate.
Here you go...wow, look at that wierdo in there...
There, in the shop, was this curious fellow in miss-matched-coloured clothing imploring some bemused shop assistant for some rare figurine called the Hyrondi or something.
I've told you 23 times now, we don't have it
Pleeease, ill lose face at Games Night...
I took pity on the poor fellow and offered to help him drown his sorrows in the local pub.
Quit your jibber-jabber, you need working on, boy.
Boo hoo, i'll be banned from Runescape

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
He was almost inconsolable, so I think he mistook me for his hero at the time - William Shatner - probably due to his tear glazed eyes.
What a nerd
I can't believe Shatner is here to save me
I ordered an ale and it was at this point poor Sam asked for a WKD. I was quite horrified initially but realised that some people need educating after they’ve finished their compulsory education.
Maybe he's a very ugly girl
WKD is Wicked
I told him he needed to become a man and bought him the most sugary ale I could find.
Shut up, fool, you need to 'man up'
Don't hit me!

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
He relented at first but I grabbed hold of his Doctor Who magazine and threatened to rip it up. Some may call this harsh, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why have you taken your clothes off?
I had to change because i soiled myself
After two sips of ale he was a bit merry due to his low-tolerance of man’s beverages, and I had to take it away from him...
What a light weight
I love you, man, (hick) will you play World of Warcraft with me?
...especially after he started pinching scarves from punters on their way to the lavatory.
Dan! Dan!
I'd hit him if his mate didn't look so cool.

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
At this juncture he sputtered forth his life story and it was at this point I realised our spiritual similarities.
No, i'm not a Jedi.
What about a Sith Lord?
An ‘uncanny coincidence’ I thought to myself, but I’m not one to believe in coincidence and took it upon myself to mould this poor young lad into a man.
Enough of this gay banter, let me introduce you to football.
Isn't that for 'bigger boys'?
It was a hard task. His taste in music was typically geeky. He loved who we would refer to as Bon Jovi but to whom he would refer to passionately as ‘The Jovi’. He thought this made him very cool.
No, dude, that's not cool.
THE JOVI RULE!!!

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
Now, I don’t mind a bit of rock myself but any mention of ‘music’ would cause dear Sam to grab his air guitar and sing ‘The Jovi’s’ ‘Living On A Prayer’ at full volume.
Stop that.
...we're halfway there - WOAH! - livin' on a prayer!
This was initially embarrassing but I’m not one too concerned by the opinions of others so I gradually chipped away at his geeky construct and got him to eventually tone this down.
Stop that or i'll scratch your Iron Maiden albums.
I'd rather you take my life.
He often lamented that Radiohead were ‘too depressing’ and that dance music sounded like ‘computer flatulence’ (my words, not his) but he eventually saw the light.
This is too real!

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
Film was a similarly difficult art form to approach. Most of our tastes in celluloid perhaps could be labelled as ‘Art’.
I say, that's very Kubrick.
Hm, yes, one would agree - fancy a Starbuck's Latte?
Sam’s was more akin to a similar sounding word that regards the passing of air through one’s lower intestinal tract. His preferred genre was primarily Sci-Fi Rom-Com.
Hey there - don't run away - I only wanted to ask you if you fancied m...no, fancied seeing Love Trek?
Where's the alarm?
Sam once asked me to join him at the cinema for a showing of Love Actually where you could wear a Star Trek uniform.
Come on, it'll be fab.
Ha ha...hold on...I don't think he's joking.

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
Understandably horrified I asked him if this was his ‘coming out moment’ and whether this was an ‘invitation to a date’
Sniff
Don't start that crying stuff again...I thought we were over this sort of thing.
He said ‘no’ but that if he went on his own ‘bigger boys’ would beat him and as I was ‘a bigger boy’ they may leave him alone if I accompanied him.
Star Trek fans have feelings too, you know...unless you're a Vulcan.
A what?!
I said I could understand his plight but that I too would join the ‘bigger boys’ in this act of acceptable-social-bullying if he ever saw a Rom-Com again.
Promise?
I didn't say I was gonna hit you - get up.

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
He cried for two days solid after this but eventually stopped when I threatened to break his copy of World of Warcraft.
That would be murder!
No, that would be 'mercy'.
I took him to see a foreign film but he cried half-way through because he said the subtitles hurt his eyes and that he couldn’t understand their Scouse accents.
Northern people scare me.
I'm getting sick of seeing this pose.
Literature too was a difficult subject to approach. Sam loved any text to do with ‘Barbarian Martian Woman from Outer Space’ or Gillian Anderson - and even more peculiarly, Jilly Cooper novels.
Hey, got a bit of Jilly?
Where's the alarm?

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
I tried to get him to read Orwell’s 1984 but he said he didn’t like ‘history novels’. I said ‘how about a Russian author like Dostoevsky?’ but he said he couldn’t read Russian.
Man, i'm, like, trying to play Runescape here.
Actually, isn't Solaris Sci-Fi Rom Com?
In the end we settled on The Hungry Caterpillar but he said he didn’t like the taste of the pages when I rang him the next day.
Couldn't they have used sugar paper?
No.
With women he was totally incompetent and thought kissing was something only the French did.
Perhaps the rumours are true...
Woah, the next thing I know you'll be asking me to eat frog's legs - oh no - nice try.

 

by peterpansnr
10-14-09
However, one day, as we took our occasional walk past the things he had left behind – primarily Games Workshop and Athena – out popped this oriental looking girl from the very same Games Workshop.
Could this be Geek Love?
You like model figures; I like model figures too.
The rest, as they say, is history, but the future was also somewhat glimpsed that day, as I saw a window into the future, the child of this collaboration...
I think calculators are cute.
Cashback!
...for there, sitting on the side of the road, was Kelvin Ho fixing a broken hard drive.
No.

 

_TEACHING GEEKS TO WOO WOMEN.
That's my girlfriend - I'm Batman!
eeeeee.
by peterpansnr, 10-14-09

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