All comics by pezen

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by pezen
8-06-04
kurt and friends
so uh, do u dig the new songs i just wrote?
yah dude, theyre great..
..haha just kidding! i think they suck balls. they are almost as terrible as the fact that you even exist on this planet.
oh..
i'll get the gun

 

by pezen
8-06-04
sup dude *hack wheeze*
sup. how was that date with that hot stegosaurus last night?
fucking sweet! i banged the shit outa that ho, i just hope she was clean
i hear that
*cough cough*
dinosaur STD's may just be the end of us all..

 

by pezen
8-06-04
Sooo... Do you know why i pulled you over?
sure do, is cuz u think im been drinkin
You WE'RE swerving. I also think that I can smell alcohol on your breath.
thas cuz i HAVE benn drinkingk
I see your shirt says "99." I'll tell you what, if u gimme a lil' 99 action, I'll let you go with just a warning.
fair enoufh

 

by pezen
8-06-04
russ needs some lovin..
yo, my name is PIMPMASTER SEX and i deal out them small bitches. see anythang u like?
good choice my man. that
whichever is more illegal and morally suggestive
excelent choice! that'll be 50 dollars...and ill take whatever protection u have

 

by pezen
8-06-04
jruss needs some lovin..
yo, my name is PIMPMASTER SEX and i deal out them small bitches. see anythang u like?
i'll take whichever is more illegal and morally suggestive
excelent choice! that'll be 50 dollaz..and i'll take whatever protection u has

 

by pezen
8-06-04
kurt's house..
death, im really depressed...
no way..
yah dude, im thinkin about just quitting this heroin thing
you COULD do that....
or?
..OR you could just stop being such a whiney bitch. grow some balls, kurt

 

by pezen
8-06-04
kurt and courtney talk about their relationship..
courtney, i really think you need to stop treating me like shit
shut up and go write me a new album
i fucking hate myself..
and it better not suck like everything else you write or else im leaving you!
POOF!
haha, sucker...

 

by pezen
8-06-04
this is me watching you make bad comics. u think they are good, yet they are about as funny as a japanese cartoon.
omg my comix r so funneh LOL!!!!1
LOL!!!!1 i cant belive i said "poo" in my latest creation! i am a PURE GENIUS! my next comic will be a teen comedy about living with santa in a dorm, then suddenly he blows up! LOL!!!11
the girls at my school dont know what theyre missing...ooo, whats this? free celebrity porn? i'll click it and delete my history so my mommy doesnt find out......OMG its JAY LO
i am funneh too look at my afro

 

by pezen
8-07-04
HEY MAN DO YOU LIKE TO ROCK OUT HARD TO HEAVY JAMS? ME TOO THATS WHY I STARTED LISTENING TO UMPHREY'S MCGEE
THEY ARE SO HARDCORE AND AWSOME IM SHITTING MY PANTS AS WE SPEAK
www.umphreys.com
but mista, how do i know i will even like this band that i have never even heard of?
SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH BITCH! JUST GO CHECK OUT THE WEBSITE CUZ U KNOW U HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO ANYWAY
finally i can be cool and not a loser
FUCKIN' A! REMEMBER KIDS, GOD KILLS KITTENS WHEN YOU DONT VISIT UMPHREYS.COM

 

by pezen
8-07-04
check out brent and rover, these dudes are suave mo fuckas when it comes to hitting on chicks
we are 2 awsomely availably guys
lets score some hot-ass chicas tonight!
i like your shorts by the way
thanx, i wanted to wear something that showed a lil cheek
mind turning around for me?
sure, just dont go all slap happy on my ass **WINK NUDGE**

 

by pezen
8-07-04
i swear to your god that this is a true story:
so one day i got this call to a house for an "attempted suicide." little did i know but this was no ORDINARY suicide..
..this kid, obviously depressed, got finished listenin to this tape of some death-metal band that told him to kill himself. so with a pair of scissors he snipped his own berries clean off his body...
this is where i puked
the punchline, however, is pure fiction
....i listen to that shit every time i gotta beat up minorities

 

by pezen
8-07-04
brent and rover hit the clubs to score some chicas
hey baby, whats a pretty lady like you doin in a gay bar?
im just hangin out with my guy friends. theyre gay and i love spending time with them
sweet deal. so.... do YOU have a penis?
2 hrs later...
you score any 'tang tonight?
no...wanna go back to my place?

 

by pezen
8-07-04
our first tale takes place at a phish show in alpine valley, WI 7-25-04
dude im gonna take these shrooms so i can start trippin balls and shit
.....what...?........oh..
.............wait............ dont take those...
no, YOURE a humpback

 

by pezen
8-07-04
billy shares his feelings with satan..
..so anyways im really upset cuz i think my parents are gonna get divorced and its all my fault
..i see
well billy, it IS your fault for being such a bitch. u should start smoking, maybe your parents would stay together then
thanx satan, you have always been a really good friend
yah i know...here billy why dont u start smoking this red pole

 

by pezen
8-07-04
our FIRST tale takes place at a limp bizkit concert in chicago
dude im gonna take these muchrooms so i can start trippin and shit
wait dont take those
OOPS I TOOK THEM ALREADY
THIS OUGHT TO LEAD INTO A GREAT PUNCHLINE
AND MIRACULOUSLY IT DOES
NO YOURE A HUMPBACK
NO YOURE A HUMPBACK

 

by pezen
8-07-04
time to face the music..
i have nothing to live for anymore
aw comeon kurt dont say that
fuck you death, i laugh in your face
thats what jesus said
so r u saying that if i die i will be as famous as jesus?
yah dude, u and me can go places

 

by pezen
8-07-04
when we left our friend, he was at phish at alpine..
this trip better end soon, i cant balance on this bird all night
i hear that
uhoh i think this might be it
true
...wow...this music DOES suck..

 

by pezen
8-07-04
i am talking to my computer (its a dell)
your attempts to fit in to multiple forums have failed miserably lol
fuck, how will i ever succede in the REAL world if i cant succede in the VIRTUAL world?
dont ask me im only a computer with infinate knowledge
looks like im gonna hafta start taking my pills again
lol
<3

 

by pezen
8-07-04
recently:
alright computer, whats the news on my online popularity?
do u wanna hear the good news or the bad news?
good
oh..in that case i have nothing to tell you
whats the bad then?
YOU ARE A WASTE OF SPACE lol

 

by pezen
8-07-04
computer i dont think we should hang out anymore
why the fuck not?
cuz everything i find online is garbage. nobody will accept me into a forum and all you ever do is crash in the middle of my downloads
dude, i made you
youre right computer.... what would i do without you?
u just got an email...this ones a doozy

 

by pezen
8-08-04
sup jesus
hey tyler durden
hows it hangin? lol just kidding jesus
oh tyler, you crack me up. lets go smoke drugs
youre the man
george bush is a hero

 

by pezen
8-08-04
chuggin brews sure is awsome
thats a cup of piss
dont you think i know that?
i guess so
chuggin piss sure is awsome

 

by pezen
8-08-04
stoners and pot heads
dude i smoke a lot of weeds all the time
yah me too
i like to stay high to keep the demons out
why dont you pack one up right now?
my comix get less and less funny..
ill pack it up like i packed your moms fudge last nite
DUDE SHES SO HOT

 

by pezen
8-08-04
INSIDE JOKE
hey my name is rob and i am reading your comix
my name is pezen. what do you think of my lol comix
i like the dinosaur one and the humfreys one
your support makes me want to consider living another day
yah sure, can i have your phish tickets
oh rob, you always were such an outspoken hero

 

by pezen
8-08-04
lets pretend that this guy is brandon, and this chick is really hot..
oh great, its another hot chick
brandon i wanna fuck you so bad why dont you wanna fuck me too?
sorry baby, but u know that my only true love is umphrey's mcgee
oh well, i can still always go fuck pezen
later at skyline...
thats a hot buldge

 

by pezen
8-08-04
lately my comics have been sucking ass...
fuck you computer, you dirty slut
why are you yellin at me?
cuz none of my comics are funny anymore..ive ran out of ideas and now im just making comics of myself talking to you
it happens, you just lost your spark
yah, well i can still spark this bowl
see? that was awful

 

by pezen
8-08-04
brent and rover like chicks...................no really they do
this is a killer party
yah, no doubt we can get laid here

 

by pezen
8-08-04
i guess i deserved this..
hey sorry i took so long, i was jacking off to internet porn. i found this one site where these chicks get fucked by dogs..oh my it was some hot, steamy action
i guess i deserved this..
anywho, my scythe was stuck up my ass so i had to do some serious contractions before i got it out, but it splintered and DAMN my ass is bloody

 

by pezen
8-08-04
i need to speak to you about the things of which we dont speak
sure but first look at these red hearts on my boxers
OMG!!!!!1 YOURE RED HEARTS BROUGHT THOSE OF WHO WE DONT SPEAK!
EVIL !
this is when i went to see napoleon dynamite instead. it was a lot more entertaining than the village and u should only go see it because adrian brody makes a funny retard. THE END

 

by pezen
11-14-05
this is my first comic in over a year so dont expect anything too great. also, this is me talking to my computer if u arent already familiar with this scenario.
sup computer. its been a while but im back to make more web comics
sup.
so... where to start
whatever you do, dont make a comic about yourself making comics. that would be really cliche.
dont worry, i have more self respect than to do that
lolt

 

by pezen
11-14-05
suddenly the police show up...
excuse me sir, have you been drinking?
of courshe
fuck. me too. i was hoping you could drive me back to the station.
isn that illegal?
how am i supposed to know? youre under arrest for being black
its a shame that racial profiling has remained such a common offence among police in america. there is no joke here, only truth. G G G G G G UNIT 4ever

 

by pezen
11-14-05
smoke ciggarettes!
you're an appealing cartoon rendition of a ciggarette. i have no other choice but to comply
praise jesus!
i feel so warm when you have your arms wrapped around me. plus, my parents never let me think for myself. i have no other choice but to comply
vote bush!
im already on a roll, i have no other choice but to comply

 

by pezen
11-14-05
a monk speaks with a boy in hopes of making a difference...
im going to burn myself alive on the capital steps to protest corrupt and immoral politics. all i want is for people to gain some common sense of decency and logic in such dark times.
if nobody takes a stand then we will surely pay the price in the future. we owe it to ourselves to initiate change. i pray my sacrifice wont be followed with inaction. remember my words. farewell...
FUCKING SWEET!

 

by pezen
11-14-05
kurt and death enjoy a meal together.
death, ive been thinking a lot about my life. if im gonna be a role model for teens across america i should start playing more inspiring songs about hope and love.
...nobody likes a faggot, kurt.

 

by pezen
11-14-05
how does this door work?
11010110101000100
hey, man, listen. i lost my keys, ok? shut the fuck up.
1010110010
how does this door work?
1110010001101001

 

by pezen
11-14-05
i will never forget the day i met jesus...
jesus, why are we here? i mean, is life simply pointless or are we supposed to reach some sort of enlightenment?
BITCH PLEASE. LIFE AINT NOTHIN BUT BITCHES AND MONEY. I SPIT RHYMES WHILE I DROP 9'S
for reals?
HOW MANY BITCHES WANNA FUCK THIS NIGGA NAMED SNOOP, D-O-DOUBLE-G

 

by pezen
11-14-05
STAR DATE 4206969
captain bacon! get me a bacon double cheeseburger!
...i'll give you half

 

by pezen
11-15-05
BING BONG! goes the doorbell
uh ..hello?
guess whats in my hands
your penis
BING BONG!

 

by pezen
11-15-05
..god this is so fucking boring..

 

dear billy, i am not real, love god xoxoxo
by pezen, 11-15-05

 

hmmm..
by pezen, 11-15-05

 

i feel like such a goddamn idiot
by pezen, 11-15-05

 

nobody understands me and god isnt real. that is why i must die
by pezen, 11-15-05

 

no guts no glory
by pezen, 11-15-05

 

jesus christ this fucking hurts
by pezen, 11-15-05

 

billy, your lack of faith in god as brought you to hell. you now get to spend eternity getting buttfucked by my triton
god dammit!
by pezen, 11-15-05

 

dude so im starting to dig emo
by pezen, 11-16-05

 

by pezen
11-12-06
The MOON is a copyrighted symbol of America.
jesus christ! what are you doing on the moon?
yes, it is i: JESUS CHRIST, on the moon.
yes i can CLEARLY see that. what i do not understand is 1: why you are here 2: seriously, why
my agent thought it would be good for business, my child. now, what can i do for thou?
you're blocking the fairway. why dont you go stand behind those Moon Mountains?
i forgive you.

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