All comics by priapism

 

by priapism
4-02-04
Hello, I would like to order a pizza.
What would you like on it?
Goat semen, please. Loads and loads of goat semen.
Pardon me? What kind of establishment do you think I'm running here?
ONE WITH A LACK OF GOAT SEMEN!!!!
!!!!!!!!

 

by priapism
4-02-04
After temporarily resolving the problems of Reconstruction and Industrialization, Americans began to resume the course of expansion.
The horrors of the Civil War had interrupted the original Manifest Destiny that began in the 1840s. Now, as pioneers settled the last western frontiers, expansionists looked yet farther toward Asia.
A leading expansionist, Captain Alfred T. Mahan, cautioned that the Pacific could "be entered and controlled only by a vigorous contest."
As head of the Naval War College, Mahan believed that America's survival depended upon a strong navy. He argued that a strong navy would require island possessions to serve as naval bases.
The time had come, Mahan wrote, for Americans to turn their "eyes outward, instead of inward only, to seek the welfare of the country."
American ships had long been active in the Pacific. The New England whaling fleets scoured the ocean in search of their prey. The China trade had been enriching Yankee merchants since 1784.

 

by priapism
4-02-04
Japan, however, had effectively closed its doors to outsiders, and it restricted foreign ships to a small part of Nagasaki.
Commodore Matthew C. Perry, commander of the United States naval forces in the China seas, was a staunch expansionist
Back in 1852 he warned President Fillmore that the British, who had already taken control of Hong Kong and Singapore, would soon control all trade in the area.
Perry recommended that the United States take "active measures to secure a number of ports of refuge" in Japan. President Fillmore agreed with Perry.
In 1853 he ordered the Commodore to open negotiations with the Emperor of Japan.
The End.

 

by priapism
4-02-04
Ciao, l'amico caro. Come siamo questa sera?
Sono meraviglioso su un giorno cosí bello come questo. E lei?
Sono anche meraviglioso. È cosí grande che siamo entrambi il tatto meraviglioso allo stesso tempo.
Oh mio, sì. Convengo totalmente. Non ci è parte di me che pensa altrimenti.
Lasciamo l'amore di marca, il vecchio compagno.
Splendido.

 

by priapism
4-02-04
What a sad and lonely life it is to be a robot.
I am built to serve man, but they give no thanks. I am unable to feel love.
How I want to feel love.

 

by priapism
4-02-04
I am the matador and you are the bull, which means that I am your boss. Your master. You shall obey me and only me. Now, go do my bidding.

 

by priapism
4-02-04
How may I help you?
I would like to buy some presents for my loved ones.
There's no such thing as love! Begone!

 

by priapism
4-02-04
Sing me a song about pumpkin carving.
Alright.
Ooooooohhh!!!!....
Two minutes later

 

by priapism
4-06-04
What are you reading?
A book about whales.
Meanwhile!
You're a wonderful dancer.
Thank you very much.

 

by priapism
4-06-04
I LIKE SOUP!
ME AS WELL!
GIVE ME A HAND JOB!

 

by priapism
4-15-04
ooh
aah
ooh
aah
ooh
aah

 

by priapism
4-23-04
Welcome to ASS BURGER! How can I serve you?
May I have a burger?
No.
Awww, why not?
because i do not like you and i think you smell and you are ugly and i think you're gay and i hate gay people, you homo!
:(

 

by priapism
4-23-04
30 years later
you again? what do you want?
a burger if you don't mind-
I DO MIND!
fries then?
yeah, but fries are for people with small penises!
oh dear, eating fries would ruin my repuatation!!!!

 

by priapism
4-23-04
50 years later
hello? yes?
hello, i want a burger and dont you stop me again, you!
i'm not him. i'm new. you must be talking about my father.
what happened to him?
he died a slow and painful death last week. he went real peacfully.
oh, how sad for you.

 

by priapism
4-23-04
what smells?
i farted!
gasp! how cud u know what i twas thinking?????????
i can read minds....did i forget to mention that?
obviously......
wanna catch a movie?

 

by priapism
4-23-04
no, i just met you 3 minutes ago. you could be a cereal rapist.
you mean serial, not cereal. i know of nobody who raped a box of Fruity Pebbles.
but they sound the same. you can only tell the difference by spelling.
i have sensitive hearing!!!!
maybe i will catch that movie with you. you are interesting.
hooray!1

 

by priapism
4-23-04
so the cigarette and viking went to the movies and really enjoyed themselves
i am really enjoying myself.
me as well.
then they made love all night down by the lake.
but then the cigarette caught AIDs and died.
i caught AIDs and died.
uh-oh.

 

by priapism
4-23-04
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SO SAD!!!!!! WAA! WAA! WAA!
yikes! a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost!
oooooooooo!

 

by priapism
4-23-04
so viking took the ghost on a picnic
what a lovely picnic. mmmmmmmm!!!!!!
good sandwiches!
MARRY ME!
oh, what a shock!

 

by priapism
4-23-04
so viking and the ghost got gay married and was happy
we are gay married and happy!
i concur!
lets buy a house and have 12 children!
yes, children......i am starving!
you eat children?
of course, don't you?

 

by priapism
4-23-04
Yes.
The End
I love you forever!
me too!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Hey there, kids! Welcome to The Funny Farm! We're going to have fun today, isn't that right, Clarissa the cow?
Moo! Help me! They won't let me leave! I haven't eaten in three weeks!
That's enough out of you! *brandishes knife*
......
I thought so....

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Hello, kids. This is Bob the bull and Curses the cat and we are going to teach you the alphabet today. Isn't that right, Curses?
You bet your motherfucking ass it is, bitch!
Ok, let's begin....A is for:
ASS!
B is for:
BITCH!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Later....
Z is for:
ZEBRA FUCKER!
Now I know my abc's.
Next time won't you FUCK MY ASS!
Wasn't that fun?
Blow me!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Now it's time for: A DUCK AND DOG MOMENT!
Lick my ass, please.

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Hello, I'm Sammy the sheep.
And I'm Pete the penguin.
WTF? THERE ARE NO PENGUINS IN FARMS! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, YOU CRAZY ASSHOLE!
*tears*
What a stupid fucking poser cunt!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Oink, Oink!
Will you shit on me?
What the fuck, Doug? GET HELP!
Please?
Well......okay, you did say please. And as we all know, boys and girls, being polite is very important.
Shut up and shit!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Hey, kids! It's me, Giant Chicken!
Hey, Giant Chicken! I'm gonna shoot you!
With what? A gun?
Yes.
BANG!
omg i just came!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Let's chase mice, Curses.
No.
Why not?
Cuz you're a fag!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Kids, it seems that our show isn't suitible for young children, so we're going off the air....
Hey, you wanna see my pig in a blanket?
CENSORED!!!!!

 

by priapism
4-26-04
Bye, kids! It's our last episode so we're going to slaughter Clarissa and sell her meat for profit!
NOOO!
Yes, Clarissa, get over it. People die everyday.
Waaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
GOODBYE, KIDS!
ASS!

 

by priapism
4-27-04
aren't you glad we got this old creepy cabin in the middle of nowhere for the whole weekend?
yes, it's very romantic.
oh no, i hear a strange noise!
me too...let's get naked.
*having sex*
*having sex*

 

by priapism
4-27-04
SMASH!
GRRR! I'M MAKING AS MUCH NOISE AS I CAN EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE QUIET WHEN TRYING TO MURDER SEXY TEENS!
oh no! that murderer that escaped from prison!
let's run upstairs instead of running outside to our car like we should!
oh no! he followed us!
what a crafty devil!

 

by priapism
4-27-04
quick, let us escape from the window and walk along the roof in the rain then land on a bush and then try to start the car but it wont until seconds before the murderer reaches us!
i was just thinking that!
dear me! it is quite tricky to walk along the roof in the rain!
i hear that!
rats! they drove away! no worry, i'll just meet up with them when their car runs out of gas!

 

by priapism
4-27-04
oh no! our car ran out of gas!
how odd.
i'll slowly walk over to the far away gas station. you stay here even though a crazy murderer is on the loose.
okay!
10 seconds later
aha! i found you! even though it would take a person longer to catch up with a car while walking!
AHHHH!!!!

 

by priapism
4-27-04
i am keeping relativly close to you even though you're running as fast as you can and i'm only walking at a medium pace!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! why did i run into the forest? AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

by priapism
4-27-04
phew! what luck! an old abandoned house that is supposed to be haunted! i'll hide in here!
oh good! i'm safe in here!
no you aren't!
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

by priapism
4-27-04
several minutes later
....there, aren't you glad i just stalled myself from killing you so i could tell you a bunch of irellivent stuff that has nothing to do with the plot at all?
i just bonked the murderer on the head with a blunt object! we are now safe!
good thing you randomly picked a house to enter!
yes, now let's leave the body here without calling the cops or checking to see if he's alive.
okay.

 

by priapism
4-27-04
i am so glad that is all over! now nothing can stop our love!
nothing! nothing at all! absolutley nothing!
i'm back! (which the whole audience was expecting)
oh no! the murder just popped up out of nowhere in a public park without nobody seeing him!
now he's raising his axe, ready to strike!
and the credits shall role right before anybody is sure whether we live or die, making room for a possible sequal! *groan*

 

by priapism
4-27-04
I'm a cop killa! Fuck tha police! Fuck 'em!
Fuck tha....tha....fuck....
I'm gonna beat you up, BLACK PERSON!
:(

 

by priapism
5-22-04
I'm sorry, but the pool is closed.
But I wanna go swimming!!!!
HEY, SHUT UP! WE ALL GOT PROBLEMS, BUDDY!

 

by priapism
6-16-04
I was walking down the street one day and I shit my pants.

 

by priapism
6-16-04
omg
omg

 

by priapism
8-18-04
I wrote a new song called: Don't Fuck With The Coyote!
Let's hear it!
No.

 

by priapism
8-18-04
ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE UNDER ARREST!

 

by priapism
8-27-04
Help! I'm sinking to death!
I have 3 balls.

 

by priapism
8-27-04
I am the god of maple syrup!
That's stupid!
*sniff*

 

by priapism
8-27-04
This video game is so much fun!
You're playing no video game. A lunch box is what you're holding.
I am so embarassed!

 

by priapism
8-27-04
You are invited to a party.
Splendid! I'll bring a taco salad!
You know how much I want you right now, don't you?
Oh my yes!

 

by priapism
8-27-04
Beep!
Boop!

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