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| Dear Santa, I am beginning to doubt your so-called omniscience. | |
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| Since May, I have written to you every single day without fail; I thought a kindred god-like figurehead with your unthinking cult following would appreciate the discourse of a fellow god-figure. | |
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| If you do not answer soon, I will conduct a swift campaign to disenfranchise your would-be army. I will write to the Tooth Fairy instead. Yours sincerely. | |
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