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| You'll be glad to know that things turned out all right in the end, this year. | |
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| After Santa betrayed me to the thought-police, Mom bailed me out of jail and hushed up the criminal charges. | |
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| Then she beat the shit out of me for failing to topple the Christmas regime once again. "If you're going to do it, do it right!" she screamed at me. | |
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| If that's not the meaning of Christmas, I don't know what is. | |
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