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| Thank you for calling the suicide hotline. Your call is very important to us and will be answered in the order in which it was received. Please hold. | |
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| Paul! What the fuck are you doing!? | |
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| These people are in dire straits! We have to give them the individual attention they need! | |
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| Dude, I have a 100% success rate this month. Trust me, the hold music does all the work. | |
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| ♪♫ In Heaven, there is no beer! ♫♪ | |
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