All comics by r2_no_d2

 

This Ain't Pismo Beach
I wonder, eh, you know, maybe we should’ve made a left turn at Albuquerque, then a right at Los Alamos.
I was really looking forward to all the clams we could eat.
by r2_no_d2, 2-21-12

 

Chris P. Bacon liked her French accent...
He said the sizzle was gone. That Canadian tramp!
by r2_no_d2, 2-22-12

 

Deep in the bowels of a corporate office somewhere, an HR Department is having a meeting right now...
Excellent!
Webcam name badges!
by r2_no_d2, 2-22-12

 

You Know Who You Are
Kill me now!
OK I want..I want.. But.. I want.. But.. I want.. and.. fresh...I want... But... hot... I want.. but... Do you take checks?
by r2_no_d2, 2-22-12

 

by r2_no_d2
2-22-12
The Nerd Blues Genre never really caught on.
One and one is two.... the square root of two is an irrational numberrrrr...
Ba da da dum........... Ba da da dum .........
Come on baby, help me do a proof by unique factorization! YEA!
Ba da da dum...........

 

Never Underestimate People
Bob's pretty dense for being a V.P.
I know, right? That reference to Descartes went right over his head.
by r2_no_d2, 2-23-12

 

by r2_no_d2
2-24-12
The Other Side Is Obviously Stupid
Blah blah blah Talking Points, Blah blah blah... Ad hominum attacks, Blah blah blah Religious and racial stuff, Blah blah blah... Biased media, Blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah Talking Points, Blah blah blah... Ad hominum attacks, Blah blah blah Religious and racial stuff, Blah blah blah... Biased media, Blah blah blah...
The Other Side Is Obviously Evil
Blah blah blah endless lists of "Facts," Blah blah blah "Oversimplified examples," Blah blah blah "Statements taken out of context"... "Fact Checking"... BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
Blah blah blah endless lists of "Facts," Blah blah blah "Oversimplified examples," Blah blah blah "Statements taken out of context"... "Fact Checking"... BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
The Other Side Is Obviously Not Listening
How many minds have you changed so far? ..................................... ............................................. Me neither.
None.

 

by r2_no_d2
2-24-12
I told you already, It comes with pickles, onions, and cheese. Would you like the Number 5 meal?
Um, what's on the burger again?
For the LAST TIME, It comes with pickles, onions, and cheese. Would you like the Number 5 meal?
And the burger has tomatoes and what?
You're going for a ride in a hambulance, buddy.
Sorry, Lady! Don't be mad. I'm just a slow loiner.

 

Pablo Pigcasso
by r2_no_d2, 2-24-12

 

by r2_no_d2
2-24-12
What did the doctor say?
I've got a sty.
Oh my, that stinks.
He said I need to keep it cleaned out.
Well, did he give you something for it?
No, I have to stop at the farmacy on the way home and pick up some oinkment.

 

It's All Relative
Whew! That was a close call.
by r2_no_d2, 2-27-12

 

by r2_no_d2
2-27-12
Welcome home! You were missed!
Aww. You are loved.
Dinner is being prepared.
It will be enjoyed, I'm sure.
The neighbors were taked to today.
Yes, Bob was seen mowing the lawn also.

 

by r2_no_d2
2-27-12
Meet the Passives
Welcome home! You were missed!
Aww you are thanked. And you are loved!
TV will be watched tonight.
Dinner was enjoyed.
The neighbors were talked to today.
Bob was seen mowing the lawn also.

 

by r2_no_d2
2-27-12
Role Playing Day 1
OK, I would...
No, that's ethical and legal, but we'd lose money.
Role Playing Day 2
Hmmm. Well, how about I...
Ooh, close! But that's illegal, for now. We have more lobbying to do.
Ready for the Real World
I know! I could...
Yes! There you go. Totally unethical, totally legal. What I like to call the Profit Turbo Quadrant!

 

by r2_no_d2
2-28-12
Fozzie's mother Emily Bear was always there for support.
Hey mom, which one sounds better? Waka waka. Waka waka waka. Waka WAKA waka.
Wocha wocha WOCHA. Wocha WOCHA wocha. Wocha waka wocha. Waka waka wocha.
Wocha Wocha is just fine, Fozzie dear.
Waka waka waka. Wocha wocha wocha. Wocha waka. Waka WAKA waka.
Good Lord! I should have put him up for adoption.

 

This version was rejected by management, but was later to become the Albuquerque bit...
< hic >
Um, Captain, I think we shoulda made that left toin at Kiribati...
by r2_no_d2, 2-28-12

 

Clarence wanted to know what they were saying about him.
Moooooo
Moooooo
by r2_no_d2, 2-28-12

 

Rocco wasn't quite ready for stand-up comedy.
Thank you. You've been a great audience.
by r2_no_d2, 2-28-12

 

Before Adam, there was... Frasier
I KNOW I can do better than that...
Hey, this is pretty good! What should I call it?
by r2_no_d2, 2-29-12

 

by r2_no_d2
2-29-12
Some parts are hard to understand...
Fine, then. Go into the swine.
Especially...
Say what?
Oh no, when he calls us by our formal name it's never good.

 

by r2_no_d2
2-29-12
"No, no. I have been practicing...I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something."
"It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion ..."
Always Follow the Money

 

by r2_no_d2
2-29-12
The A-Team
.. mushrooms, and extra cheese.
Be right back!
3rd string
Where were you?
Sorry, I was texting.

 

They were twins, but their lives had taken vastly different directions. The moment of recognition in the Castle Anthrax library was awkward, to say the least...
"Didn't I see you in a Monty Python sketch?"
"Didn't I see you in a Monty Python sketch?"
by r2_no_d2, 2-29-12

 

Reality 101
When I grow iup, I wanna be..."
"Shut up. No, really. You don't.
by r2_no_d2, 2-29-12

 

by r2_no_d2
3-02-12
Welcome to The Firm. You are now empowered to help our core business reach it's metrics.
Um whatever. Yes! New Job!
Let's grab some proactive face time next week. I'll be out of pocket til then. In the meantime put together a proactive value proposition to get that train to the station at the end of the day.
Dear Lord, Why can't he just speak English?
Thanks for reaching out to me. I hear what you're saying. We’re not cutting back, we’re shortening the path to profitability. I have confidence that you can do what 5 people used to.
You're shortening my path to to a cemetery...

 

by r2_no_d2
3-02-12
Every year, they tell me to think outside of the box.
Then soon after they tell me to shut up and get back in mine.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-03-12
Thank you and have a nice day
Contrary to popular belief, how close you crowd the counter does not affect the speed at which your food is ready...
?

 

by r2_no_d2
3-04-12
Yikes! Who are you?
I'm the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Fairy.
That's not how it's supposed to work.
There's no karma, only amrak. They got it backwards. Haven't you been paying attention?
It's all making sense now.
So that lady I just helped cross the street?
Oh yeah. That's gonna cost you.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-05-12
Sylvester has just upset the balance of Amrak.
Keep the change. And have a great day!
Wow, thanks, Mister.
The Queen of Amrak (also known as The No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Fairy, the dreaded "NoGoDeGUF" found in ancient Egyptian inscriptions), suddenly appears.
I saw that!
Oh, not again...
Balance is Restored.
Where did that bike come from?

 

by r2_no_d2
3-05-12
Jimmy just missed the green light because he let another car pull out in front of him.
Dont..stop..believin... do do do do do
That SHOULD balance out the Amrak, but ....
Hold on to that feeelieien... do do do do do
The NoGoDeGUF works in mysterious ways
HAHAHA! Into the lake you go!
What just happened? Sigh.. gurgle gurgle

 

by r2_no_d2
3-05-12
Rusty the Robot talks to visiting school kids.
Robots have independantly evolved over millions of years from the simple can opener that developed an electric motor, to where we are today.
Ha ha. Good one. You're not human, you know.
Evolution has produced tremendous diversity in the robotic population!
Dude, look around! You're all made in a factory.
That's ridiculous. You obviously need more education. Back to school!
Serious software glitch.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-05-12
Jerry should have learned the difference between Reply and Reply All...
OK Jerry, Tell him we can team up with him against Jeffrey and Sue, and.... wait! You hit reply ALL! Noooooo!
What?
Hey Sue, check THIS out from Jerry.
Oh, He is SO dead!
20 Years Later, Jerry Did it again.
Did you see that email from Jerry?
Oh, He is SO fired.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-05-12
At the Hotel California's Front Desk
Look! Someone is coming to check out... hee hee.
What the...?
Hail Satan! Death Metal Rules, yeaaahhhh!
For the thousandth time, that's NOT what the song was about!
Weirdos. Why did Hell have to freeze over?
Apparently you CAN leave.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-05-12
Right Counting Leads to Right Rhythm
1-e-and-a-2-e-and-a...
Woa
Right Rhythm Leads to Right Music
Okay close. Kinda like "shave and a haircut, two bits,"
-- Whooooooo do you love? --
Right Music Leads to.... Dancing!

 

by r2_no_d2
3-07-12
Background music playing.. "I traded my Camry,..."
Ford is Number 1 in blah blah blah
- Whistling Along -
.. " I traded my....Accord.......I traded it in, for the joy of a Ford..."
Have YOU driven a Ford lately?
Do do do do do...
What are you working on, Doug?
My pitch to Ford for a 700 Club Commercial. They've identified Christians as a new target demographic.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-08-12
Danny had not got around to reading "How to Swim with the Sharks" yet..
So, you're saying that I should just go right up the ladder to the VP with my idea?
Yea, yea. They like it when you do that. Shows initiative, kid.
Well, oooookay, if you think I should.
Trust me. You'll kill.
A week later, Alvin showed up to work in Danny's old cubicle.
Hi, my name's Alvin.
Be right back.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-09-12
Rusty had been decommissioned. He knew the rumor of where decommissioned robots went - the desert hardware graveyard.
I'm so sorry.
Turns out robots were sent to Fantsay Island since the show wasn't filmng there anymore.
Dude, this is awesome!
Lemme buy you one more - 30 or 40 weight?

 

by r2_no_d2
3-09-12
Blah!
I can feel the inches melting away already!
Every few hundred years or so Vlad went on the Atkins Diet.
I vant to attain ketosis!
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

by r2_no_d2
3-09-12
Bible times. Nothing to do but stare at your goats. Lifespan = 500 years.
SIGH
Today. More cool stuff to learn and do every second. Lifespan = 70 years.
SIGH

 

by r2_no_d2
3-10-12
JC and his posse attend a wedding party. They run out of wine. JC turns about 120 GALLONS of water into "good" wine...
Let's get this party started. Alakazaam.
Dude, this is some primo stuff!
Jesus performs 32 more miracles at the wedding feast...
Presto change-o.
But nobody remembers what they were.
Woa, that was some party!
Um, is there a hameneutics expert in da house?

 

Ad Haminem Attack
My scientific studies have concluded that too much bacon is unhealthy!
You WOULD say that.
by r2_no_d2, 3-10-12

 

by r2_no_d2
3-12-12
But that's just not right!
It's legal.
But that's just not right, either!
Totally legal.
But THAT's the RIGHT thing to do!
Illegal.

 

by r2_no_d2
3-13-12
After the initial shock and awe, and introductions for some...
So, whatcha been up to, Martha? And, Do you love me?
Following politics, shopping, tracking my stocks and 401k, and coming here a good bit. Hey, when are you going to do something about those crooks in Washington? And Yes, Oh Yes, I DO love You.
I knew that. HA, (I love that line)! So, the important stuff, eh? You left out being a busybody, by the way; don't do that any more. Anyway, do you love me?
YES I SAID I do! I come here a LOT, and even give them money! It's them liberals and middle easter.... um, terrorists, I hate. I love love love love love YOU though, LORD!
Yes, I AM. By the way, you left out a few groups you have borderline hatred for. HA, get it? "Bor-der-line?" Someone should write that down. "LOL". So do you love me?
But this is America! And Geez, Oops, I meant Golly! How many times do I have to SAY it? Yes, I love you fer Chri.... I mean fer crying out loud! Mary, don't just sit there,stand up and say something!

 

Sir Cumference suspected this was a trick to keep him away from the King's daughter.
You shall remain here in the dungeon until you finish calculating Pi.
But, But...
by r2_no_d2, 3-14-12

 

by r2_no_d2
3-14-12
They roam the deserts. They are always happy and singing. They have never gone to war. Even their animals are always happy.
- Whistle while you shep, do de do do do de do.... -
I love that song!
They never fight with their spouses. Their babies never cry.
Wheee! Hahahahah!
They cannot even be insulted.
Hey, your hat looks stupid, old man!
Haha. Yes! That's why we don't have mirrors. Ha!

 

One Day at the Office of r2
I'll just do this with the green marker...
Pssssst! Hey! We're feeling kinda neglected over here.
by r2_no_d2, 3-15-12

 

They are not extinct.
Hey, I printed Ted's email, and wrote my response on it. Do you have his fax number so I can send it to him?
Kill...Kill...Kill
by r2_no_d2, 3-21-12

 

He told them both the same thing. "Here. Wear this everywhere for the next week." He told them ALL that. It was easy money - seventy-five bucks an hour, plus another fifty for the costume rental.
I feel better already!
I feel horrible. What a lousy week that was.
by r2_no_d2, 3-21-12

 

Back on the corporate hamster wheel...
What did he say about the way you've been pushing yourself, dear?
He said, "If anything, you should be harder on yourself, loser." And then charged me $75.
by r2_no_d2, 3-23-12

 

by r2_no_d2
3-26-12
After several re-writes,
and scene and cast changes,
Hitchcock knew he was getting close, but The Ducks just didn't sound right.

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