All comics by rgedey1

Profile

 

by rgedey1
10-02-04
Rander's Sunday Morning
What happened after that 15th shot of Jagermeister?!? WAIT! Where are my clothes?!!?

 

by rgedey1
10-02-04
Ninja Final Grade F
DAMN!
Umm, grasshopper I can still see you
Ninja Final Grade B
It sucks being white!
Not bad grasshopper
Ninja Final Grade A+
Ha, I can look up your dress master!
Very good grasshopper!

 

by rgedey1
10-03-04
Fellow co-worker helping Rander pick up women
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
Dude, I am not wearing jeans!
If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
I cannot count past 10!?
If all the stars in the sky were summed, not even words that many times stronger than "beautiful" could ever be used to describe you.
TAKE ME NOW!!!

 

by rgedey1
10-04-04
Rander's Apartment
Hello, my name is Rander. Someone conned me into putting my life on paper.
Man I can't wait til Rander leaves, gotta smoke that oregano!
Rander's Workplace: Acme, Inc.
Some of my life happens here at work.
You got that report for me?
LaLa land
Other places I visit are just random.
I am Kitiara, Kit for short. I am one of Rander's love interests.

 

by rgedey1
10-08-04
You need Hattori Hanzo steel?
umm, no I was supposed to meet a guy for a blind date.
What time is it?
7:30 pm
Damn! I was supposed to meet Beatrix at 7:00 pm! I must have missed her. Hello, I am Rander... your date.
Stupid Bill, I am goanna Kill him!!

 

by rgedey1
10-12-04
(...typing) Kitiara with your eyes black as night
(...typing) your lips as soft as peaches and your hair as shiny as silk
(...typing) Your mind as sharp as a samurai sword
Do not forget my tight ass and perky rack!

 

by rgedey1
10-12-04
Somtimes my appearance will change depending on my mood.
Sometimes I might look like this if I am having a bad day.
I am learning the art of ninjitsu so you may see me dressed like this.
Somedays when I am trashed (haha) I feel like this
If I feel like extracting vengeance then I might look like this.
My name is Val, one of Rander's female confidants.

 

by rgedey1
10-12-04
Bill Clinton's Lottery Dating
Let's see how the romance lottery goes this month.
Who's got number 23-43-12-45-54-21-53-34
Looks like it's Rander's lucky night!
...34. I win!! That's me!
Congratulations! You have won a date with S&M Larry! Come on down!
Rather its Larry's lucky night!
DAMN!!, is it same sex couple night again!! I thought there were an unusual number of guys!
I like long walks on the beach, cuddling...

 

by rgedey1
10-14-04
Tri-tip, have you seen the last blunt?
No Rand I have not.
What is that in your mouth?!?!?!
I hope he does not see it?!!?
OK, you are SURE you have not seen it?
Nope, I am goanna look for it right now!

 

by rgedey1
10-14-04
Bill Clinton, how cool to run into you here!
Dude, you got any hot interns?
Well...there is Toni in accounting.
Dude, where is she?
...but she is really a he!
Good enough!!

 

by rgedey1
10-14-04
Your mom smells like fish.
Shhh, she still thinks she is a dolphin!
Whaddya mean think, I AM!!
WTH!! I told you to keep it a secret!

 

by rgedey1
10-15-04
Hey Beatrix, you ready for our date?
No dumbass, I told you to meet me here at 8:00pm. I am on my way to kill Bill!
...
...
umm, can I tag along?
Hell no grasshopper! Just make sure to have our table ready at Denny's and their best bottle of wine or your a dead man!

 

by rgedey1
10-15-04
Our demon friend Abigor is going through a rough period in his life
I cannot believe J. Lo turned me down!
First Chris, Ben, some other dude and now Marcus.
When is my turn?!!?

 

by rgedey1
10-15-04
The only way I can have her is WORLD DOMINATION!
I need a plan first.
Things to do: 1. Get a bigger loin cloth (drafty) 2. Get some Hattori Hanzo steel 3. Learn to shapechange...
Master, who where you just talking to? I am going to the Souls and Chaos store, we need anything like toliet paper?

 

by rgedey1
10-16-04
Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
No wonder those California cows have such nice skin.
The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
Dude, I have been waxing the dolphin a couple of times a day, no lady has asked me for some intercourse!
Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
I can hook you up with both.

 

by rgedey1
10-16-04
Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
Are you sure? I was having sex 8-9 times a day. Maybe cause I did not stretch first?
Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
That's why I am so jolly... and all those naughty girls.
Most of all, if you are single use protection. Syphillis is on the rise in some cities. You do not want to lose your Johnson, do you?
...and knowing is half the battle! Yo Joe! GI JOE, a real American Hero! C'mon sing it, clap your hands!

 

by rgedey1
10-16-04
Hey Rander, how was your weekend?
I read Hamlet over the weekend. What's up with "to be or not to be?"
"It appears I am destined for something; I will live. "
"I think therfore I am?"
"One realizes the full importance of time only when there is little of it left. Every man's greatest capital asset is his unexpired years of productive life. "
"They say, best men are moulded out of faults; And, for the most, become much more the better For being a little bad. "

 

by rgedey1
10-16-04
"A flower cannot blossom without sunshine nor a garden without love."
"A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home."
"Mysterious love, uncertain treasure, Hast thou more of pain or pleasure! . . . . Endless torments dwell above thee: Yet who would live, and live without thee!"
"A bride received into the home is like a horse that you have just bought; you break her in by constantly mounting her and continually beating her. "
...
"Nice rack?"

 

by rgedey1
10-17-04
Another male, that makes 3121 males and 3123 females
...or was that 3123 females and 3121 males
Looks like a few more hours until Rander the chick counter can go home.
Damn, one male...
I am glad I do not have his job!

 

by rgedey1
10-17-04
Another male, so that's 3345 males and 3734 females.
... or was it 3734 males and 3345 females?!
DAMN! Should I eat him for dinner or start over?
I am sure glad I am not a chick counter!

 

by rgedey1
10-17-04
We now go to the reporter on the scene, Bill Clinton
We are "Jay Walking" tonight. You sir would you like to do a stupid human trick for us?
Sure, I am up for anything. I am going to hammer a nail into my sinuses with no damage.
Let's give him some applause for encouragement!
I forgot, I have no nose.
Oh yeah, that's gotta hurt.

 

by rgedey1
10-22-04
Hey Rander, you coming down to the station to pickup your gun and badge?
shhh, um no officer you must have me confused with someone else.
Oh yeah, cause you were going to infiltrate that gang of ninja bank robbers. You're going undercover. My bad, Sargeant Rander!
I thought I said, you must have me mistaken for someone else!
So, the next heist is the Metropolis Bank next Thursday?
ummm, who was that?

 

by rgedey1
10-25-04
I have finally found you Bill! I am Hattori Hanzo, prepare to die!
Bring it!
You fight well, I am honored. Now you must feel the wrath of the Five Deadly Venoms!
Kiyaa! Feel my praying mantis style!
Welcome to Hades, Phil. You fought well, but now you must pay the price for the innocents you have slain.
WAIT! Did that Hattori guy say Bill?!!? DAMN I am going to KILL BILL!!

 

by rgedey1
10-29-04
Excuse me, can you help a fella out for a second?
Sure, whaddya need?
I am meeting an online friend for the first time. I wanted to impress her with a witty Shakespeare line.
Why Shakespeare?
She is studying that in school, I think she might find it funny.
Sounds like a plan, girls like funny guys.

 

by rgedey1
10-29-04
Cool, here I go. Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I would spend the evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean.
Hmmm, not bad how about another?
Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!
Haha, a little better. I think you need a third option, just in case
Of course, "Romeo and Gertrude" is just a working title. I might be persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady.
I think that's the one

 

by rgedey1
10-29-04
Thanks for your help, what is your name anyway. I could name the play after you! My name is Rander.
Rander?!!? My name is Andrea.
Andrea a.k.a MyungRiverSong from Xanga?
Yeah that's me, nice to meet you!
Damn, Bill told me the message you left said to meet you at 3:30 not 3:00. I am going to KILL BILL!
I am ready! I have an extra Hanzo Hattori Katana in my van. Let's go!

 

by rgedey1
10-30-04
C'mon honey, let's do it a few more times, while I still have a woody!
Damn Rander, isn't six hours of non-stop sex enough?!!? My back is already sore and I think I pulled an abdominal muscle.
It is side effect free.
Another hour and I am going to bed. The commerical for it is on. Watch while I change into something sexy.
...with Viagra. Warning if erection lasts longer than four hours seek medical care immediately, loss of limb may result!
Ummm honey, I think I need to go to the hospital!

 

by rgedey1
11-08-04
What's up Rander? How was you weekend?
Pretty cool. I went to LA, but I was busy trying to figure out who to vote for tomorrow.
Is there some kind of union election or something?
No, whether to vote for Schwarzenegger for Govenor again?!
Umm, you know the election was LAST Tuesday right?
Damn that Bill! I think he set the calendar a week back in addition to the clock!?! I am goanna Kill Bill!

 

by rgedey1
11-16-04
Dream
C'mon baby, draw me a Garfield cartoon!
How would you like that 3 panels or 6 panels??
Dream, Dream, Dream
Oh yeah, just like that!!
Oh yeah, you like Odie drawn like that? You want it slow and sweet?!
Holly Wakes Up
What hell was that about?!? I swear I need to stop dinking so much at the Huster's Club!

 

by rgedey1
11-18-04
Billy, I have something to tell you.
What's that daddy? Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Your mom was a goat and so are you.
Moo?
No, son its "baaah."
Do I have to eat tin cans now?

 

by rgedey1
11-28-04
Why Brittany?!!? What do you see in that freak?!
------------>>>
....FLASHBACK
Hey, Brittany you want to go to Jupiter with me for a little fling?
His eyes are smoldering, he's so hot!!!
Well? What was the reason!!!!!!
He had a bigger schlong than you!

 

by rgedey1
11-30-04
We left Abigor a few weeks ago while he pondered a plan for World Domination
Did you get the loin cloth I asked for?
All they had were the wool ones, I though they would be too itchy for you.
What am I going to do now? No one will respect me once I try to take over the world when they can see Mr. Johnson!
Sorry Boss! They are backordered now, they should be in next week.
I guess I will just have to practice pick-up lines so J. Lo or maybe Brittany will fall to their knees before me!
I am off the clock now, so you are going to have to practice in the mirror.

 

by rgedey1
12-04-04
Abigor Speaking to Customer Serive
Hello, this is Abigor. My customer number is 34121. What is the status of the loin cloth that is on backorder?
Was that model 3413, with the padded crotch?
No! It was the cow skin lined with cashmere for comfort.
OK, lemme check the status of that. It appears like that is still on backorder.
Damn, at this rate I will not be able to conquer the world by next November.
Well, I shall tell you a little secret. You should get model 3413. That is how Marc Anthony hooked uo with J. Lo

 

by rgedey1
2-06-05
Abigor and Casper have been on winter vacation...
Yo Casp! How was your winter vacation?
Pretty cool, hooked up with Marilyn Monroe's Soul on New Year's Eve!
Dude that must have been awesome!
Yeah, it was. I would rank her up there with Cleopatra and Joan of Arc
Really? I thought Joan had a flat booty?
She did, but we got one of those exercise machines on TV, and it works really well.

 

by rgedey1
2-06-05
Here we are again Casp, almost Thanksgiving and barely done a thing on Plan B.
I know! Summer flew by so fast!
With Lost and Desparate Housewive I don't know if I will be able to get anything done.
Tivo?
But then everyone down in Purgatory talks about it the next day, it is sooo annoying, Damn them to Heaven!
MASTER! I will work on a schedule and we are sticking to it this time!

 

by rgedey1
2-19-05
Beelzebub, what are you doing here?!!
Dad!!?! Umm, I was going to steal some human souls!
Beelzebub, what are you doing here?!!
Dad!!?! Umm, I was going to steal some human souls!
Thanks for the cash, dad.
Lying? I wonder what else you have to confess?

 

by rgedey1
2-19-05
Hi, this is Rander do you want to chat? My friend will promote me. To you beautiful.
Hi I am Sexy8Girl, this cat is cool.
We can chat on AOL, Yahoo! or MSN
I am his roomie, Tri-tip. Rander knows a little bit about everything, except illegal stuff.
So you can contact me on AOL as Concerta54 or e-mail me for other options.
And knowing is half the battle! GI Joe, A real American Hero. Yo Joe!!

 

by rgedey1
5-29-05
Abigor and Casper after a night out.
Casper, what in the name of Heaven happened last night?
I think it was that 365th shot of Jagermeister, that put you in Eden.
For Heaven's sake, I did not do anything stupid, right?
No of course not, I got your back!
WAIT! Why is my loin cloth on backwards?!!?!
Well you did not do anything stupid, but watching you dance on the bar was hecka funny!

 

by rgedey1
6-25-05
What do you think of my latest practical joke, hooking up Tom and Katie?
Ha ha, not bad. Almost as good as Kevin and Britney.
That was pretty and to think I get a 70% cut of their stupid show!
Who are your next targets?
J. Lo's and Mark's contract is almost up. So I was thinking of having J. Lo switch teams and propose to Oprah!
Hey! I thought you were hooking me up with J. Lo?!!?!?!

 

by rgedey1
9-17-05
What time are you going to your meeting?
I am leaving at 3:00 pm, why?
I just want to make sure I make the 3:45 pm movie!
As long as its not porn, its OK with me.
The Next day...
So what movie did you see?
That new one with Reese Witherspoon, where she’s like a ghost. I give it ***1/2 stars!

 

by rgedey1
9-24-05
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!
If you do, I will do 40 days of fluffin' the muffin!
I'll be sure not to play with Jake the Snake
You think you can hold out if I shave the cave?
What are you talking about? I was talking about my weight loss plan?!
Oral

 

by rgedey1
9-24-05
Merlin, help me ask out Kitiara. I have to do it by e-mail, I am too scared to do it in person.
OK Rander. Start out by complementing her eyes, "Eyes that glisten with the silver radiance of your soul..."
Kitiara, slyly sneaks in...
That sounds great! What else should I say?
You should mention her nice rack!
GULP?!?
WAIT I have just been handed this story; Rander has just struck out!!

 

by rgedey1
10-02-05
Continued from last Monday...
Haha, just kidding Rander, I shapeshifted for a minute!
Very funny Merlin, you almost gave me a heart attack!
Continued from last Monday...
OK let's get serious. You already complemented her eyes. Let's continue with," The nape of your neck
typing....What's a nape?
Continued from last Monday...
OMG, are we going to have to review female anatomy again?
Hold on, let me Google it...

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