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| I had been counting the months since my last remotely meaningful serious relationship and the last time I got laid... but now I can actually measure the time in years. | |
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| On the plus side, you're still really good at math. That ought to be a big hit with the ladies. | |
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| Looking back, even the sex I did have wasn't terribly satisfying for me, and virtually every romantic pursuit I've ever had has turned into an epic fucking calamity. | |
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| Maybe you should apply to FEMA. You sound overqualified for Michael Brown's job. | |
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| Well, OK, the girl who gave my my first blow job was awesome at it. But then nobody could measure up to the impossibly high standard that she ended up setting! | |
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| OK, here's what to do: bet any girl who will take the bait $1,000 that she can't make you orgasm in 15 minutes. Free sex, free money, and stories to tell the grandchildren! What more could you want? | |
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