All comics by systris

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by systris
11-10-03
If you could read the minds of Goths at a nightclub...
I'm so |ee+ i shit microchips! Fuck you posey-goth wankers, f33r my st0mp of d00m...German Industrial Music uber allies!
Fuckin rivethead,everyone knows that the Cruxshadows RULE! Only REAL goths would know that...POSER!!!
Oh Woe is me...i've lost my AquaNet! must..have...Robert Smith-like..hair! my soul screams for EYELINER!!
Who do i have to KILL to get the DJ to play some Manson around here?! Oh fuck it...i'm going to go cut obscene phrases into my skin in the bathroom
Aren't you glad you stayed home?
Woah, the Extacy is kicking in, this looks like a goth club! i'm going to go hug everybody and flail my glowsticks in everyone's face
Touch me and die raver-bitch boy!! I am a 3000 year old Vampyre Elder and i will drain your doped up blood from your body...and sell it to the mansonites in the bathroom

 

by systris
11-16-03
When Fangirls attack...Vol 1
You know, many people think that i've run away from my problems...that i'm just hiding with my tail between my legs...but they are wrong...
Ensign Godzilla reporting from Red Team 3, Units Mothra and Ghidora are in target position above Bumfuck, OH...all systems go, Most Honored RoseBride
A true Rose Bride has to execute revenge and mayhem with complex strategy and yet remain deceptively vunerable, so of course hiding in the secret bunker of my Lair is crucial...
Captain Cthulu, here, dearest Rose Bride...the 'dipshit' has been captured and taken to the Torture Catacombs...in your name he will PAY for his crimes...you ordered the slow agonizing death, right?
Excellent, my servant! Prepare My Legions of Fannish Doomtroopers to initiate the Bumfuck Offensive immediately!! Victory is MINE!!! *muhahaha*
I dont like to have to do this often...oh shit, i'm lying...i do! Some people have to learn the HARD way, do NOT fuck with the Rose Bride..DAMMIT!!!
death..chaos...destruction...mayhem...oh the humanity
We'll have up to minute updates on the Bumfuck Disaster as they happen, as thousands of creatures and characters of fandom destroy some hick-ass town, but for now stay tuned for ... Will and Grace!

 

by systris
12-01-03
My day was...tolerable until..my cell phone rang on the bus...
MOM, i'm on the bus coming home from work..what IS it...??
blah-blah-blah...my friend said you were rude to her the other day,cause you didnt make small talk with her
and then..it happened...i finally snapped.
WTF?! When the HELL am i ever in a social mood coming home from work on this bullshit bus? you know everyone else can say,do,act and feel whatever they want to about me and i'm supposed to take shit
from them and accept being treated like crap day in and day out...but GOD fucking forbid i offend THEIR sensitive egos...well you know what FUCK THEM!! FUCK YOU!! FUCK THE FUCKING WORLD!! AAAAAAAGH!!
Apparently when I actually raise my voice...the world ends. whoops.
YO?! what the fucks going on around here...the Apocalypse isnt on the schedule for another three months?! these millions of extra souls are going to take eons to process!!
**Whaah,shit! **
um, sorry Lord of Darkness, apparently we forgot to brief the temp-daemons about the Rose Bride's Wrath unleashing the end of the world...my bad.

 

by systris
12-01-03
Since I'm winding down my angstyness for this year...i suppose i should give out some propas for the people and things that have helped me out this year...
Shout outs to The Cure, for the ultimate album, Disintergration...a powerful,healing album for hurting trauma and drama...
And to Alanis's Jagged Little Pill...sure she's a freak from Canada who's eyes are too close together but damn she's got the 'jilted angry woman' thang locked up tight!
writing was cathartic...and was helpful in figuring things out...
Frank the Goat, reprazentin Livejournal, the place i could unload my thoughts,rants and ravings and connect with others facing similar suckitude
NaNoWriMo, that gave me a chance to meet new people and jumpstart my creativity..while i didnt even get NEAR 50k words this year...i still got a lot out of it.
I also learned how to have fun again...and to take a bite out of life, instead of it taking a bite out of me...Now onto Happier Holidays and a Better Year in 2004!!
Big Ups to the BIG G, and all the fannish fun that i managed to have...here's to more movies,books,games,websurfing and Cons to enjoy! W00t!
And of course my PhillyGoth peeps..my favorite drinking/bitching/angsting/st0mpin club buddies who keep me in high spirits!

 

by systris
12-02-03
More tidbits from chatting with Mommy Dearest
You know i'm only getting like 400 hunnerd some dollars from the insurance policy, the county's gonna take all that shit!
well what else can you do? do you want them to lock you up for good..let them take it so they can get off your ass...*and you can get off mine*
forgive me yall, my grandmom always said that a morbid sense of humor was unbecoming a lady...but i AINT no lady...
Well, shit...i dont have nothing for myself..what if i died...i'd be up shits creek if i died...theres not enough money to cremate me with...that cost at least 500 dollars...i guess you'd have to pay
..yeah, shit there goes my overtime money...hmph...*giggles to self*
Goth-dammit she just doesnt get it!
*giggles a little then stops* hey...that's not funny...
Oh yeah it is, cause you think i'd give up my hardearned cash to someone who never bothered to raise me...you are going to be my younger brother's problem when you die! i already buried YOUR parents!

 

by systris
12-04-03
Systris consults her favorite dead rock legend
um, kurt...sorry i summoned you from rock heaven but i have a lot going on and i can use some advice...
um..okay shoot...no wait..i didnt say that...um...go ahead...
well...my life is a damn mess, and i'm submerged in angst...what do i do?
um...take some smack and blow your brains out...then let your cuntbag wife screw up your kid and then let your talentless bandmates get rich off your legacy...worked wonders for me...
WTF!! how in the hell is THAT going to help me!?! i cant believe i idolized you for over 10 years...Your just a hick loser who got lucky with a bunch of mindless songs..fuck you! you lied to me!*sobs*
Well that's what you get for eating ice cream and NyQuil before going to bed.who do you think i am Jim Morrison? look, thanks for supporting me and my wife's habit. here's a coupon for FYE, piss off!

 

by systris
12-04-03
The Story so far: Systris consults dead rock legend...finds that her hero is a douchebag...let's continue:
*sniff* that's just too fucked up man! how are you just going to do me like that?! i've been your fan for years! I even publicly admitted to people that i believed the murder theories! its not fair!
*shrug* what do you expect...i'm a dead rock star...not God or anything.besides i shouldnt have to help you after you were all about that bastard Corgan after i died! Dont put that loyalty BS on me!!
well what was i supposed to do? you were DEAD, i had to move on...you were still very special to me but life still carried on without you! and hell, the Mellon Collie album rawked!
Bingo! that's it! see you just answered your own question! life sucks sometimes but you have to pick yourself up and move on,its NOT the end of the world! believe me! i wished that i realized that!
Dedicated to FenirWolf..thanx for getting me to kick my own ass!
wow...*sniff* that was...man, you rock first, and last and always! eventhough you are a supreme douche, you DID help me today so thanks...
Ugh, sisters of mercy reference! i cant believe you went Goth on me as well these past few years! well if we are finished, i gotta go, Tupac burned me a copy of that Paris Hilton vid! rich poon pr0n!

 

by systris
12-25-03
Little Sarah gets a special visitor
*sings* I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus...
Nah, kid that was about twenty minutes ago...your mama's gettin her freak on with the elf over there! You see since your dad's a cheap bastid, your mom cut us a sorta deal to get you some better gifts
Upstairs in the Guest Bedroom...
Oh yeah baby, you want your kid to have a merry christmas, you'd better make with the hot MILF action!
Sure thang, darlin...yer cute and unlike my jackass husband, you've got a righteous Yule Log, come and git it!
Later on that day...Sarah learns a valuable lesson about holiday stress on families.
Daddy, why are you and mommy fighting...its Christmas, you should be forgiving each other...dont make me another statistic by getting divorced!
FUCK that! your slutty no-good mother should have known better...how could this have happened! With a midget ass elf! Damn that Carnivale! I'm Cancelling our HBO!

 

by systris
1-01-04
2004 seemed so full of promise for SysTris until...(too fucking early to call a hungover person in the morning)
*ringing*...
Hello???
HAAA! HAPPY NEW YEAR, your hungover..ha ha!
*growling*...*sighing and gasping*
who were you expecting, Publishers Clearing house...ha ha ha
*sigh* oh well, Happy New Year anyways...
hello...i hear heavy breathing...this isnt an obscene call is it? this is my daughter right...?
No, mom...i wasnt THAT lucky last night...and apparently not too lucky today either...

 

by systris
1-20-04
One day, Systris the hallowed rose bride happened upon a most unpleasant creature..
I am the BitchQueen of all GothScenedom...you are unworthy to enter Gothopia, you shall not PASS! Off with your poser ass before I call a bloodhunt on you!
What the FUCK...!!! oh really? wait here one moment will you?
Wait? Dont tell me what to do! *whine* this is MY scene! I was here FIRST! My entire life is all bullshit drama and wasted years of clubbing..i have more Old-Schooler cred than you, i'll make you PAY!
Damn...this chick is a few french fries short of a happy meal...why do i put up with this elitist crap again? *excuse me...she's right over here...yep that's her*
Systris voiceover:
The Lesson for today, kids ::
If all you have going for you is your past...you really dont have much of a future.
Where were you when blah blah happened...you dont have the right to exist...Oh my Goth, what the FUCK is --
*screams*
Shut the Fuck up and get over yourself...i gotcher old-school right HERE bizzatch!

 

by systris
2-04-04
Setting: Alan's Superbowl Party...Event: The Tit Shit-Fit
What the Fuck! Justin just ripped Janet's pastie off...what a cheap publicity stunt! that was NOT an accident! I think that's bullshit, what do you think guys?
BOOBIES!
BOOBIES!...and i got it on TiVo...lets rewind and see that again...
Hey! BOOBIES! this game's gotten better
Verdict: uh,huh...'wardrobe malfunction' my ass!
!?!
i'll bet the guys are getting a kick out of this..
heh..yeah BOOBIES!

 

by systris
2-05-04
Systris is at the last straw with Idiot Temp Boy...
Look, you've come to this job and you do whatever you want while thinking you can take over my job and act like a new kinda fool..and you have YET to be fired? WTF!!! why are you still fucking here!
*smug look of indifference*
later at the supervisors' cube!
*argh!* i've had enough of this kid! why in the HELL do we have to put up with such a fucktard when we've tossed OTHER screwups?!
*gasp* my hands are ...tied...his agency has a binding contract with HellCo, to even think of breaking it would mean...*oblivion* let us never speak of this again...*frightened*
and what diabolical temp agency has such a hold on my job like this...one could only imagine (see systris' comic #194449 for backstory)
Here's the updated report on our envoy sent to the Rose Bride's employer, Sire. We project that she'll be driven apeshit with rage by 3/15 if he succeeds, she will pay for December's backlog!
the Ides of March? exxcellent! *evil laughter*

 

by systris
2-05-04
*evil smile*
um, what's up with that look on your face?
i just realized that just about everyone in our clique has a livejournal...
yeah if you hadn't hooked us up with the invite codes...oh wait! *look of horror* this puts us at like a fuckin' Defcon 8 level of geekyness..and its ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
Folks, my job here is done...
*evil grin* yes, it is now complete...you have been assimilated...resistance to LiveJournal is futile! *muhahahaha!*
LJ noooooooooooooo!!!!

 

by systris
2-05-04
On the Bus Ride to work..
hey, systris..i was wondering have you ever heard of this anime called Darkside Blues?
Heard of it....well hell i have it at home, i'll sell it to you...for dirt cheap...how's 2.50 sound for a VHS?
and for an extra DOLLAR i'll throw in 'Sins of the Sisters'
Hmm...i've never heard of that one...what's it about...
Men and their money are just too damn easy to separate!
well...its lesbian-themed so --
SOLD!!!!

 

by systris
2-16-04
I thought that life would be normal that day...until..
HEEEY systris, this is Shok...you've got to come out with us tonight...we're going to have an awesome party but thats after we see this cool film i heard about...c'mon you've GOT to come!*yeah no prob
Alright, dude...i'll roll out with you, but none of that crazy shit this time, i need to be home at some point...i'm not falling for that shit anymore!
I go to parties, sometimes until 4. its hard to leave when you can't find the door* - Joe Walsh
ah, man am i blasted...we went to like 5 bars, 13 parties and drove around the tri-state area for hours...goddamn what time is it...who's taking me home?
C'mon...the nights not over with! dont be a party pooper, systris! i only get to see you a couple times a year...i'll get you home...at some point!
three weeks later...
ah, shit...i just woke up three minutes ago...damn! i gotta be at work in an hour...oh shit! this Lair is a mess! hey who left me a message?
*ahhhhhh, not again!*
HEEEY this is Unka Shok callin' ya...what you doing tonight...cause i've thinking that we could all....

 

by systris
2-16-04
So we were at the mall, and we went to use the elevator when we found some mallrats loitering in it...
Oops, here comes someone to use the elevator
oh damn, i guess we gotta hang out somewhere else, dude
um, sorry about that, our bad...
That's okay, just as long as there are no stains on the walls
*sigh* Jadedmouse and I were kinda shocked to say the least...
Oh dear Christ please tell me he didnt just say that!
Oh man....Um...I DO NOT KNOW HIM!

 

by systris
2-18-04
Then at the games store...
Ah, man look at all these cool games i cant play...i really want a REAL game system!
oh come on, look they all arent that great...look at this one MaryKate and Ashley's 16,licence to drive??? thats some bullshit...
by the way, are they still doing that countdown thing with those twins, what is it 6 months till they are 18...???
um, actually its 4 months!
i love him like a brother, but my boy needs some prayer!
!!! dude how do you know --- ah shit nevermind
.....

 

by systris
2-22-04
One Day...systris and the bus dude discuss gangsta rap legends
Well Rap Music just doesn't have it's own 'Icons' like rock music does...
Well not like i listen to much rap but what about Dr. Dre? he's a rapper/producer/mogul, he's done a lot for the genre..
Dr. Dre...man fuck him...he's a fuckin transvestite and shit...i aint with that
Oh come on now, what crackhead website did you dig that bullshit from...you cant deny that his albums are groundbreaking
Leave it to ME to defend Dr. Dre's honor, huh?
..and i dont care, i am streight up honest, its been DOCUMENTED...now i am NOT down with that shit --
Man, FUCK YOU aiight? i dont give a fuck if Dr. Dre was in the studio mixing beats wearing a lace chiffon teddy,some goddamn rhinestone earrings, and a nappy wig,'The Chronic' was the shizznit!!

 

by systris
3-01-04
You know the economy is f*cked up when you get soliciting calls like this:
Hello?
Good Evening, Ms. Systris, my name is Grim and i'm hear to tell you about this wonderful offer...
Um, excuse me, you wouldnt be Grim Reaper? THE Grim Reaper? why are YOU doing telemarketing calls? arent you supposed to be collecting souls or something?
Well...erm, ma'am i would be except i'd been downsized and my job was outsourced...to the middle east, its cheaper to do business that way ... they can hire people for peanuts out there...
meanwhile somewhere across town...
ahem...good evening madam, my name is Ackbar and i am here to take your infidel soul to your christian devil heaven...you will be coming with me please...thank you come again!
what the hell?where's the blond sexy angel to take me to the pearly gates? get out of my home you taliban bastard! i've got mace in my purse and Pat Robertson on speed dial!!

 

by systris
4-05-04
Somewhere 'On a Plain'...
Its been a decade, Kurt...and what a long strange trip life has been since you've been gone...
*nod*
[note]
systris' birthday is on April 7th,
the news of Kurt's death on April 8th 1994, one day after her 17th birthday that year, had tainted future birthdays after that...
I'll always love you...but as i am turning 27 myself, I need to follow my own path now, i'm ready to move on ...i cant live on the past anymore...i leave you to finally rest in peace...goodbye *hugs*
*hugs back*
"Hate, hate your enemies,
Save,save, your friends,
Find,find your place,
Speak,speak the truth"
- Kurt Donald Cobain [1967-1994]
*sigh*
thank you.

 

by systris
6-08-04
On IM Chat the other night...
_jeff: stay away from MLM scams...all temp agencies are evil!
systris: yeah, been there done that...that sucks
_jeff: Avenue Q won the Tony for Best Musical
systris: yeah like i get out to broadway...like i care...
_jeff: Just like you care J.Lo got married to Marc Anthony
systris: yeah i dont gives no fuck...that big ass ho gets hitched more than a circus trailer

 

by systris
6-08-04
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by systris
7-18-04
Well I've been lookin' real hard/ And I'm tryin' to find a job/ But it just keeps gettin' tougher every day - Steve Miller Band
okay, i've got to get the HELL outta ShitCo...theres gotta be a job out there for me!
welcome to corpjobzrus.net...we have over 900,000 jobs listed!
alright...let me get one then! here's my qualifications and references! what'cha got for me!
okay...well it seems that most of them are listings from hundreds of bullshit temp agencies and MLM scams...oh but if you have a master's degree in underwater basketweaving you can get the REAL jobs!
verdict: internet job search sites are bigger assholes than human HR wanks in the flesh...(outro)Keep on a rock'n me baby
what the FUCK..what about my resume...i can work just about anywhere..c'mon give me a chance!
sorry, kiddo...not your millenia, i'm afraid...want some free porn spam...you know we sold your email address, right...nobody rides for free round here...*evil laughter*

 

by systris
8-30-04
they kept calling me....damn bill collectors...
*why wont they leave me ALONE...what part of i'm fucking BROKE dont they understand....
we know you're there....
thank god for caller ID, otherwise they'd had gotten to me sooner
they've been calling every fucking hour...
where's our money, biatch...you betta reckonize
and finally...i had to surrender...or else they'd repossess my soul...
*sigh*....hello?
is this systris? you owe us a gazillon dollars, two internal organs and your firstborn...can you give us a payment tonight?

 

by systris
8-30-04
once upon a time, i met the boytoy during a dull club night...it was a godsend and a great way to make a new friend!
wanna fuck?
..YEAH!
since then, we've gotten to know each other, and have many common interests...
wanna fuck?
Oh HELL YEAH...
so, gals...when the angst comes on strong...reach out and grab a boytoy..oh just let him grab YOU!
wanna fuck?
w00t! rawk!

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