All comics by theRetardMagnet

Profile

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
Alby has 'the concept'
I've just had this profound idea about an alliance that doesn't dominate
We should get players of a similar mind and work togther as a 'freedom pa co-op'
Things are going well at the hippy farm
Our members have done great and have managed to get places in the top 100
Yerp , and our free speach and loose command structure has ment well all feel equal about the successof the co-op
Alby puts it to the members
Right - now we have broken the power blocks - its time to sacrifice our planets for the good of pa! RAH
Hmmm , let me see . I have a top 10 planet and you want me to destroy it to save pa ............... I will exercise my right to free speach , and say 'fuck off , joey deacon'

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
The birth of the freedom fighters
Our alliance will succed - we will crush those Furgion scum
we need to find the right caliber of players to help us in our quest
The recruiting starts
Its says here in your cv , that you are 'l337' , can board spam , and are adept at entering channels and using norty swear words - we'll give you a try
wicked shit twat scum - furgion sucks etc
after 48 ticks
I don't understand it - where did we go wrong .....
wicked shit twat scum - furgion sucks etc

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
Patrician is pushed to the fore as the Tuba saviour
Patrician - we need you boost Tuba's profile and standing .... we are pretty stagnant atm
My flair , spunk and extreme whit make me ideal to forge a new future for this alliance
the end is nigh
(Pat): My plans have all come to fruition. I have Single handedly made us the top dogs. My whit is boundless and my PA career is a roaring success
(Tuna member): hmmm ... pat managed us down the road to medicority ... and now is folding up the alliance ... great wisodm and leadship !!!
the board prophet pat returns
RAWK! RAWK! RAWK! .... I know best
twat

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
Pre show preping
(Zeus): I'm ready to do my live broadcast to PA regarding next round
Just try and avoid showing any overt bias - that gay biker crapstick has written another complaint letter
the broadcast
(Zues):Hello PA ... blah blah blah .. furgion will struggle .. blah blah potatoes .. blah blah goodnight and i'll speak again soon.
if we are lucky no one will have spotted the slip ...
...still broadcasting
(Zeus): heh , that went well. And i did't show any bias against those stinky hell spawn twats of Fury - i hope they die of aids
you didn't say 'cut' .... what a spastic

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
Wey hey , this chicks hot ... and i think she digs me ... if i get her in my alliance , i think i can score!
i have boobies *giggle*
Look , theres this really good player ... i recommend her highly - great pa skills and a consumate professional player.
Ok , shes in , but you are under attack and we are short of defence ... pm her the comabt stats and get her to send the appropriate defence.
i have boobies *giggle*
shit

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
At home
Simon , i you don't start communicating with me ...and less to your online weirdo's - i'm leaving you
i wonder if the map rotation on the cs server will require a free download
At work
Simon - you work output has dropped to nil , and your web access time is through the roof - if this doesn't change we will have to reavaluate your position in the company
What was that quote from reservior dogs ... god , board siggies are a pain
On irc
Yeah , hello simon , like my names Blazer .. and i just got back from meeting some guys n gals at a web meet in Holland
get a life u sad net twat!

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
The police call on Wolfbabe
I have the grave duty to report the death of you pups mam - Minty , Morr , Angel and the rest were pronounced dead upon arrival at hospital earlier today
Oh the tragedy - my poor ickle pups - was it a terrible fire where they lost thier lives trying to save orphans ?
erm , well no mam .... it was more of a turf war
what , like my pups lost their lives fighting of a gang of evil street thugs - stabbed to death whilst protecting old people from these hoodlums ?
they were beaten to death with a barbie doll - it started with a dispute over a Wendy house and a tea set ... three 5yr old girls then set about beating your pups to death
/me fluffles the coffins .... i need to find some more boys to effeminise

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
inquisitve yet naive PA player meets the enlightend
WTF..... why the hell are you labotmising yerself????
ummm ... mate ...said ...stats .... understand ... only ... way ... to
investigateing the logic
hold on ..... lemmie look at this stat details and race stuff ......it can't be that hard to work out the balance and logic behind it!!!
umm... wee ... need ... I
a better PA world
ummm ... balanced ... good .... pa .... is
ummm ..... wee ... need .... I

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
Its the birthday boy!
Wey hey .... happy birthday Sid!!!! .... heh , we got you a hooker - its on the lads ... enjoy son
yeah , you want plenty of fighter cover plus your own carriers
the present arrives
Sooooo baby .... what you want me to do big boy!!
they can be a pain ,particularly if you're low on supply ships and your fighters stop firing
sid forgot to wear his glasses again
So siddy poo's ... did you enjoy the hooker ... nudge nudge!
erm what hooker? ... sorry i was miles away ... and while you were out i think QueenDax came in looking for a nap

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
Ghengis calls in the war council
(Ghengis): Look guys ... we need to have an emrgency meeting ... say down the pub in 10 mins
(Cryptic): K , i'll give zhil , cayl and sid a lift and we'll meet you there.
10 mins later ... down the pub
(Cryptic): Where the hell is Ghen ? sids at the bar gettign the drinks in
(Zhil): well , we'll wait another 10 mins .... cayls £10 up on the fruit machine
..5mins later ...Ghengis's been spotted
Lo guys , anyone got a blue car in the carpark ? .. theirs a bald twat with a scouse accent nicking off with the wheels!
(Cryptic): shit!

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-06-02
In the Spinner's garden
I just love our garden .. its so relaxing... it might not be perfect , but its ours
The roses are the wrong colour ... and theres too many bushes .... just not the right balance
the work has started ...
Look , stop messing ... i'm happy with it the way it is.... you know what happens when you 'tweak'
Look , trust me love ... i have had a profesional drawn up plans .. test em then added my own little touches . i know what I'm doing
'a little bit of history repeated'
Ta -da!
dildo

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-07-02
Mister Tony Blair asks the warder at a high security prison if he can have a go at 'guiding them to the moral path'
I'd like to meet some of the prisoners ... maybe with a few choice kind words , and my charming smile , i can help direct them on the path to goodness
I seriously doubt these freaks can be helped , but your the PM ... who a I am to say
Tony meets Prisoner 65653 - Mr K Fiddler
I nailed 15 kiddies to a fence post and set em on fire ..... then i raped thier pets
Well , its societys fault that you where forced to express your anger this way .. i hold the tory govenrment to blame ... with some prayer , and my charming smile , you will find salvation ...
Tony meets a newly arrived inmate
lo , i'm mista Cryptic - one minute i was exec'ing the Fury on irc - the next minute i am banged up in here ... i'm a little confused
twisted fuck!

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-07-02
Ronald McSpinner has a customer
i'd like a large Big Mac meal please .. and coke to drink
Sure sir , that will be $10
customer McCare
erm , excuse me! Theres no food in these wrappers - and you've given me and empty drink canister ... what are you playing at ???
Yes sir , we are currently re-evaluating the reciepy .. the mayonaise was a little too runny - just look at the pretty boxes for now!
job satisfaction.. RAH!
erm , the burger is passable , but u seem to have replaced my fries with a battered dog turd , and pissed in my coke!
Its what you orderd sir ... the menu 'now' clearly states this ..... have a nice day!

 

by theRetardMagnet
2-10-02
Chax reassures the Xan membership after anti xan board propaganda!
(Xan member): they at it on the boards again ... crapstick is saying we have HC who used bots in the past ... this is not good for our image
(Chax): pfft ... when will these narrow minded prats let it lie ... people change. I trust our members fully ... the past is the past , and only the present counts.
murder most foul
(Zeus): I have some distrubing news .. overthe last few weeks , several female pa players have turned up dead .. they seem to have beaten to death with a hammer
(Chax): I don't know what the worlds coming to ... if you need some players to help track down this vicous killer .. Xan will provide the man power
..later at the Xan weekly meeting
(Chax): hello guys , i'd like to introduce a new addition to our HC team ... please give a warm Xanadu welcome to Peter 'the hammer' Sucliffe.
Ladies who wear makeup are whores

 

by theRetardMagnet
6-27-02
Spinner gets a bollocking from the Misses
Spinner!!!!!!! our child is falling behing at school .... what sort of father are you ???? You should be helping out with homework,spending more time with family, not that stupid net thingy!
I am sorry love , i know i should ... we just made such a pigs ear of the implimentation that its taking us hours each day to get it back up.
Spinner tries to resolve getting his kids homework done .... and saving his income
Jesus , this homework is full of mind numbingly stupid questions ...... how the hell am i supposed to find time to sort this out
What can i do to balance getting this bloody homework sorted and the misses off my back ... and stop myself being lynched by the PA mob for being a muppet!
10 mins later Jonny Public tries to log into his planet
WTF!!!!!!!!
Spot the dog has got a new ball - is it green or blue ?

 

by theRetardMagnet
11-11-02
Down on the CS server , its 8'oclock and alls not well
erm ... thats the 20th head shot in a row Ub3R-L337-p14y3r..... are you cheating ?
rar lamers ..... I am l337 CS p14y3R .... I r0x0r ...... U is gh3y sH173 n00b
Mr UberL337 shows his owning ability
Look you moron , its obvious you are wallhacking , an aimboting .... no one here respects you as a player .... can't you understand that ?
FuX u gh3y n00b - f34r meh sk1770rZ - I am off to fuX my gF - die of teh aids u n00bs
Later downstairs in Mr Ub3R-L337-p14y3r 's kitchen
Hi Mummy , I have done my homework and clean my shoes ..... can you take me to get that new game tomorrow ?
If I have time .... getting this dog poo out of your blazer and the felt tip on your shirt saying " Timmy is a fucking spaz" is hard work.... I don't understand why the other boys pick on you so much

 

by theRetardMagnet
1-15-03
Teh boyz are kicking Gates where it hurts - BO Selecta!
I heard you just wiped windoze of yer pc. RAR , M$ products f**king suck! They can be hated for that alone
Yep, SuSE all the way - no more f**k widoze sh*t.! f**k it right in its stupid ass.
Our BoyZ goes through all the ACE software that appeals to 15yrolds on a linux box
SuSE roxors - i have got email and irc + quake to play on it
>:user last logged on 3 days ago
value for money...........
So man , hows yer SuSE roxoring PC doing - now you got read of that lame A$$ windoze
F**kin rox. Its been running without crashing for 4 weeks , I know coz i logged into it a couple of days ago to see - but I've been on meh SneS mostly ... SUPA mario ROXS

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