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| In light of the Michael Jackon scandal, Tim Burton's Willy Wonka, a story about a pale eccentric millionaire that gives candy to kids, has been severely changed from Roald Dahl's orginal story. | |
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| In National and World News, another 20 dead in Iraq today, 30 in Detroit. | |
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Tim Burton presents... Dangerous Dave And The Adult Novelty Factory
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| Hey ladies, this entire room is made out of lubricants! So feel free to rub against anything you want! | |
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| Condom trees and a river of KY! It's a skanky whore's dream come true! | |
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| When we get out of here, we could strike gold marketing your Jesus Juice! | |
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| And we can hire one of those Welch's Grape Juice kids for the commercials! | |
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