All comics by tsekub

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by tsekub
11-24-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Look at my knickers!
Uh... okay
Did you enjoy that?
Look, lady, what I enjoy most in this world is a big sack of nuts... are you catching my drift?
Damn. Another gay squirrel.
Look at my tail, do you think it looks perky enough or should I go to the salon?

 

by tsekub
11-24-05
Hey Lloyd, what are you doi--
No to the paragon of corporate power! Fight the kite, byatches! Be all like groovy!
What's Lloyd doing?
It looks like he's protesting government policies on Social Security, state's rights, the war on terrorism, the Patriot Act, the war in Iraq...
Really? Oh Lloyd, that's so noble... which issue is the one that brought you here after all?
Those damn aliens that control the government took Mr. Show off the air. I'm quite depressed...

 

by tsekub
12-02-05
LONELY FRIDAY
Hi, can I buy you a drink? What's your name honey? My name's Friday--
Ugh. Get that away from me.
What? You don't like dinosaurs? What's the matter with triceratops?
I was talking about the cigarette. But take it as you will.
There's something wrong in the world when you can't smoke your cigarette in a bar.
There's something wrong in the world when even dinosaurs feel entitled to hit on you in a bar.

 

by tsekub
12-02-05
COWBOY PHYSICS
Can I get a towel? I'm menstruating here.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by tsekub
12-02-05
Hi. Is this Room 404?
THIS IS TOBOR'S HOUSE. WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU LITTLE MAN?!
Um, you have a letter. Here you go.
NO! TOBOR CANT READ YOU FUCKING PIG
Just kidding. All I really wanted was to include you in a comic.
TSEKUB YOUR COMICS ARE HORRIBLE TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
MICROSUCK
Dear Auntie--
It looks like you're writing a letter! Would you like me to interrupt you to inform you of completely pointless things and offer you unsolicited, useless advice?!?
Fucking paperclip.
Fucking? That's not a word. Here are some alternate spellings: faking, forcing, fussing, sucking.

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
LEAVE IT TO TOBOR
Chess is more a psychological game than a physical one.

If I say the right thing at the right time, I can throw my opponent off-balance.

Hmmmm...
FAG!
 . .
 . .
 . .

Ow.
CHECKMATE.

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
LEAVE IT TO TOBOR
Hi. Take me to your leader.
RAARAAGHGHH TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU AT THIS POINT IN TIME
Or, here's an idea: you could, maybe, take me to your leader.
BRARAGHGHRAHAHAHHGHH I THINK CORNHOLING IS WHAT IS IN ORDER AT THIS JUNCTURE
Quit using SAT phrase structures. They don't suit you, you weird, red,... earthling.
AAGHRHHRRRH.... YOU GOT ME, I'LL TAKE YOU TO MY BABYSITTER...

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Knickers!
Not again.

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
AT THE HOP
I want to dance... this girl seems nice... I think I could ask her if she wants to... she's already on her feet... maybe she's here alone... I think I'll go for it...
No.
Dammit.

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
LEAVE IT TO TOBOR
Hi. Are you Tobor?
WHY YES, SLIMY GREEN THINGAMAJIG-PERSON... MAY I CORNHOLE YOU?
Yes, please do. I've been looking for your services. I've had something stuck in my cloaca for days. My piss is all blue.

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
Hey gorgeous.
...
You wanna get freaky with the beaky?
Long story short: don't ever accept oral sex from a meat eater.
Lovely.

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
AT THE HOP
Why are you wearing that ridiculous bunny suit?
Why are you wearing that ridiculous man-suit?
Aha! You've watched Donnie Darko.
Actually, you look more like a stupid monkey.

 

by tsekub
12-06-05
Friends and shareholders, thanks for coming. Today I was supposed to present to you a detailed executive summary of budgetary allocations this quarter, foreseen obstacles, and potential future moves.
However, since I have spent most of the past three months testing and rating the surrounding brothels, I present to you: THE BROTHEL MAP.
_______________ || . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . || || . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . || || . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . || || . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . || ||______________||
It rates every brothel in a hundred-mile radius on a three-vector scale of price, quality of service, and slutiness of the locale and girls. If you would like to see my notes, please talk to me later.

 

by tsekub
12-07-05
COWBOY PHYSICS
Feel the decadence, man. It's almost karmic. I can feel myself letting go of society's dubious arbitrary sociopolitical restrictions. It's very groovy. Free-floating in a realm of pure cosmic limbo.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by tsekub
12-07-05
LONELY FRIDAY
I'm sad.
My friend just left. She was cool.
At least I'll always have my reflection. I look good today.
Narcissist.

 

by tsekub
12-07-05
DAYS WITHOUT TEA
I demand peace and lovin'!
Don't you mean peace and love?
No. I just need some ass right now. Why isn't the government providing me with it?
Hippies.

 

by tsekub
12-07-05
ZIPPER FOR SUPPER
Today's board meeting's topic of discussion is office dress code. Stan, will you step up here please?
This is an example of improper dress. The company code says nothing about crowbars, ugly stripes, or masks, but no hats are permissible on the premises, Stan.
But you're wearing a toupee.
TOUPEES DON'T COUNT!!!!!

 

by tsekub
12-07-05
AT THE HOP
Dammit! Babysitting again...
moh
Later
Thanks for babysitting, Benedict. Here's $100. Can I have Preston back now?
What? Babysitting? Oh, right. Preston. Well, see, here's what happened. I was trying to make some food, and Preston kept stealing my food, so I had to take drastic measures.
So explain to me again what you did with the baby?
She didn't let me finish. I was just going to say that I went out and ate my dog instead. Damn baby kept eating my french fries.

 

by tsekub
12-08-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Hi there, Mr. Viking.
Hi.
So... do you mind if I BMOC you?
If you bee what?
BMOC. You know, pee on you.
Doesn't that mean "Big Man On Campus"?

 

by tsekub
12-08-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Come on, Mr. Viking. Can I BMOC you just once?
If by BMOC you mean pee on me, I guess it's all right.
Really? You don't mind?
But you have to let me touch your breasts.
Touch my breasts?! You sick fuck!
How about I just pudge you then?

 

by tsekub
12-08-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
You'll let me BMOC you if I let you pudge me?
Yeah. How about it?
Hmm... what is this pudging thing you say?
It's when you let me take a dump on your chest.
Wow. I've never been pudged before.
You poor deprived child.

 

by tsekub
12-08-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Well, I don't know about this whole pudging deal.
Why not? Getting pudged is fun. You'll love it.
Well, maybe you can take a dump on my leg, or something.
But then it wouldn't be pudging.
Wouldn't you rather just BMOC me instead?
Behold, the ass-fruit cometh.

 

by tsekub
12-08-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Well, come on in. Let's get the plastic and assorted sex toys set up.
Wait a minute.
What?
Do you own any pets or any, say, farm animals?
Please tell me you asked because you're allergic to cats.
I have a cow I can bring.

 

by tsekub
12-08-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Well, here we are...... HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
It's my cow, Laurie! Laurie, say hello to Holly.
Moo.
Hey, I thought you were going to BMOC me.
Later
I can't, this is too much fun! When I BMOC Laurie she BMOCs me back with milk!
White people.

 

by tsekub
12-08-05
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Well, Mr. Viking, I'm sorry we didn't get to BMOC each other. Maybe next time.
Well, I still have Laurie I guess.
Although, there's someone I want to introduce you to.
Really? Who is that?
Honey, I'm home!
Hey there big boy! How about some nuts??

 

by tsekub
5-25-06
LONELY FRIDAY
Hello, my name is Maura.
I am scary. Fear me!
Huh? Scared of what? What are you talking about you freak.
I'm a vampire hellooooo...
Oh, right. Hello, Mr. Vampire.
I'm going to eat you.

 

by tsekub
5-25-06
LONELY FRIDAY
Hello, my name is Maura.
I am scary. Fear me!
Huh? Scared of what? What are you talking about you freak.
I'm a vampire hellooooo...
Oh, right. Hello, Mr. Vampire.
I'm going to eat you.

 

by tsekub
5-25-06
LONELY FRIDAY
Prepare to be eaten, lady!
Perv.
******POOF****** Oh, crap!
Ha, ha!
And thus Maura screws up another perfect opportunity for random sex.
Keep that up, buddy, and guess who'll be the one screwing up.

 

by tsekub
5-25-06
LONELY FRIDAY
Wow, Friday, last night was great.
Yeah baby, you know it.
Now about the payme--

 

by tsekub
5-25-06
LEAVE IT TO TOBOR
Well Tobor, this is it. It seems we are all going to die.
WAAAAAAAA
Come on, Tobor, don't be such a pussy. You're not really alive anyway. You're just a fucking robot.
WAAAAA--HUH?
Rats.
PUNY HUMANS! YOU WILL ALL RECEIVE THE FATE YOU DESERVE, AND I, TOBOR, CORNHOLER OF CORNHOLERS, WILL OUTLIVE YOU ALL!!!! MUAHAHAHA

 

by tsekub
5-25-06
HOLLY AND THE RAKE
Um, hello... can I help you?
Hi, I was just wondering if I could be allowed to investigate your underpants?
Oh, okay. Is this better?
Would you mind lifting your leg a little more, please?
The things we do for a comic strip.
By the way, have you wondered what the fuck are we doing in a bull pit?

 

by tsekub
5-25-06
ZIPPER FOR SUPPER
Today's meeting will be about security. As you know, the security of our staff and our premises is our most important priority and challenge in these violent times.
Presently, there are just too many rapists, murderers, and theives out there. For this reason, I find it necessary to order you all to sleep in the office tonight.
Dammit.

 

by tsekub
11-10-06
Some workers in an office, they scamper and scurry.
Some dull and lifeless, some hot as chimichurri.
Hi.
Go away.
In comes the hottest, the latest secretary hire; and the boys all scream,
YOUR ASS IS ON FIRE!

 

by tsekub
11-16-06
The holidays will hit you... like a brick!
Fuck.

 

Z
by tsekub
11-16-06
Would you mind? I have an important career fair to attend.
Well, don't let me hold you up.
It's not like you're gonna get a job, anyway.
He made me do it.

 

by tsekub
11-19-06
Hello there you green robot
AAARGH
are you all right?
BLEAAAGHHARRGGHGHH
you fuckin immigrant.
I WAS HERE FIRST YOU FUCKEN HIPPIE

 

by tsekub
11-19-06
I SHALL NOW PROCEED TO CORNHOLE YOU
okay.

 

by tsekub
11-19-06
Where'd Friday go?
He'w writing his Christmas wishlist.
Hasn't that idiot ever used Amazon?
He's a dumb little fuck.. what can I say.
What?

 

by tsekub
11-19-06
How come you're all like green all of a sudden Tobor?
I HAD A ROUGH CHILDHOOD, A CARELESS INVENTOR, AND MANY A TRAUMA WITH THE SCREWDRIVER.
Cool.

 

by tsekub
11-19-06
Hi!
Here it comes.
sweetie.. Friday sort of broke his... member. We'll have to keep him in the hospital for the night.
So um... just between us girls...
Don't get violent.

 

by tsekub
11-19-06
AAARGGGHGHHHGH
Howdy there, stranger!
AAAGHGHGGH--ARE YOU NOT FRIGHTENED???
Not at all. The south is a very friendly place!
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I'M MEXICAN?
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU GREEN FUCKEN WETBACK

 

by tsekub
11-20-06
Ha ha ha! take that you fucking civilian! See if you ever vote another communist into power NOW!
He he he! Ho ho ho! Hee haw! This is the best day of my life! Wait, let me pinch myself, to make sure I'm not dreaming...
Fuck.

 

by tsekub
11-20-06
Hey Gabe, dja hear about the Buddhist monk in heaven?
Oh, I love ethnic jokes! What, did he get all confused and stuff?
It's not a joke, you asshat. There's this Buddhist monk running around telling people he must have been misplaced and that he really should be in some place called Nirvanarama... or something.
Oh, come on fish. Like I haven't heard that one before. Next you're gonna tell me the Mormons complain when they get here and realise they don't get their own planet.
HEY, BUDDY, I'M STILL PRETTY PISSED ABOUT THAT MYSELF, YOU KNOW!

 

by tsekub
11-20-06
So... uh... how'd it go at the hospital?
It was actually not that bad. The nurses and I got to know each other pretty well.
Oh, really? Why you little motherfuc--
Hey, pussycat, who broke whose dick?
All right, Friday, not in front of the readers.

 

by tsekub
12-11-06
I love you hon.
I love you too sweetie! I'm so glad we're here together in the Bahamas, Friday.
*****POOF***** Who's Friday? My name is Choc.
Chuck? Where the fuck is Friday?
*****POOF***** Sorry, I meant to say I'm a Christmas tree.
Fuck. that explains the first panel, I knew it was too good to be true... I'm dreaming.

 

by tsekub
12-11-06
Tobor, I'm sooooo tired of grad school... I've got work up my ass this time of year.
YOUR ASS, YOU SAY?
Yeah... um... my ass.
WOULD YOU LIKE MY HELP IN REMOVING IT? I COULD PROVIDE THAT SERVICE FOR YOU.
Um. Actually, I'm a shark, and sharks don't have asses.
SILENCE AND BEND OVER, O SHARKY ONE.

 

by tsekub
12-11-06
Hey look! A huge flying bacon!
AAARGH PREPARE TO BE CORNHO... WHAT?
You can talk?? Money! I'm going to be rich!
HMM... SOMETHING BE NOT RIGHT HERE.
*YAWN*... DREAMS ARE FUNKY LITTLE DOODADS

 

by tsekub
12-11-06
Come on Tobor, it's just a tiny little pinch, and then you'll be protected from the ILOVEYOU virus forever.
WAAAHHH NOOOO I AM SCARED OF THE... WHAT DID YOU SAY IT WAS CALLED?
It's the ILOVEYOU virus! It's very bad for you. Come on cheer up.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN INTERESTING VIRUS.
...long story short... stay away from this patient.
You got pwned.

 

by tsekub
12-11-06
Holy shit, where the fuck am I? I'll ask that fish...
Excuse me, but where the fuck are we?
I'm a fish, you dolt. How am I supposed to know where we are?
Curses! The fish knows something and doesn't want to tell me. I can sense it.
What a ridiculous-looking bunny suit.

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