All comics by willowrhee

 

by willowrhee
5-05-06
Zombies are so trendy! I can't let anyone know I ever liked them! It used to be about the brains and the gore. Now it's all about the money.
Brains. Brains.
And don't get me started on pirates. Some sorority girl at a party told me once that "Pirates are SOOO out." I haven't said "Arr" since. They used to be about the peg legs and rum.
I still like rum.
And Penguins. Before "March of the Penguins," it was all about the waddling. Now it's so Hollywood. So trendy!
I don't speak bat; what is this guy saying? Oh well, bats are SO out, anyway.

 

by willowrhee
5-05-06
Hey, Lambert. Wanna sneak out and go to the Internet cafe? I need to check my Myspace mail.
OK!
At the Internet cafe...
Now, this time, you need to be on your best behavior. No trying to run into the kitchen to find the fish you smell, no trying to buy catnip off the people there, and most of all NO COFFEE.
Aww. You're a snoozefest, Shredder.
I'll be here checking my e-mail. Get me a coffee, will you, Lambert? Remember, you can only have decaf.
To be continued

 

by willowrhee
5-05-06
Um. I don't supposed you have any catnip?
Welcome to Blackberries coffee, ice cream and Internet cafe. What can I get you?
Uhh, no. I have coffee. And ice cream. And Internet.
To be continued
OK! One decattinated coffee, and one triple shot latte!
I'll assume you mean decaffeinated

 

by willowrhee
5-05-06
Thanks for the coffee. I really need the caffeine. Now, which cup is mine?
Ummmmm...This one (I think?)
THE END.
Is that a mouse?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

by willowrhee
5-08-06
Some Becky talking to some Troys next to me:
I'm sorry, but girls just can't sing rock! I mean, did you hear Britney trying to cover 'I Love Rock n Roll?'
Yeah, totally.
Another time when Dave, Lauren and Willow were at a coffee shop and a creepy guy was talking to Dave:
Dave, who have you been playing in a band with lately? Too bad you never joined the Porn Junkies. We liked your drumming.
Actually, these two here. And our friend Geoff
You play music with these GIRLS? But I thought you were hardcore!

 

by willowrhee
5-08-06
I hate this coffee
I think it's very tasty. It's the flavored kind.
Yeah, but I like my coffee like I like my women.
Oh, I've heard this one. Black and bitter?
No, chopped up in the freezer.

 

by willowrhee
5-08-06
What do you call 50 Russian elephants?
I don't know
A circus waiting to happen?
No, a stampede.

 

by willowrhee
5-08-06
What is an elephant's favorite Police song?
Ummm
Annoying kid
Umm I dunno!
Ivory Step you Take

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elephant
Elephant who?
Elephants Gerald
Ella Fitzgerald?

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
What's an elephant's second-favorite Police song?
?
I give up.
Ivory Little Thing She Does is Magic

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
OK, so it's been awhile since our humans got us any tuna fish. I'm getting worried and frustrated. I used to get a can every other day.
But Mom and Dad are vegeta...veggie tee...vegetarble...
Vegetarians. I know, but Mom said they will still give it to us. And you know what else? We hardly ever get to go outside.
Yeah! I know, I don't see what the big deal is! And they watch us the whole time when we do go out.
To be continued...
I just think if they could relate to cats better, they would be more in tune to our needs.
Mom already meows an awful lot!

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
I've been doing some research online about spells and potions. Mix that knowledge wtih a little chemistry know-how and...
A little work in my secret laboratory, and I come up with a recipe that should turn our human Mom and Dad into cats.
How long has this labora....lobotomy... laborateraia....lab been here?
All we have to do is slip a little bit of my secret potion into their coffee. Mom should be home soon.
OK! What should I do?

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
Pour a little bit of this in here...and a little of this in here...
A pinch of catnip, some special ingredient I learned the recipe to on the Internet,
Continued...
Add one mouse tail, one bird feather, and a drop of milk, and...
We've got the potion ready!

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
Where are those meowers of mine? I'm home!
Oh, hello Lambert!
Hi, Mom!
Continued...
What was that noise?
So, how was work? Um um, did you know I have four white toes? So that's a nice dress. Very becoming on you!

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
You guys set the table! It looks wonderful!
Thank you! Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom?
Yes, Lambert?
Are you going to try the wine we poured? It will be really good.
Continued
The wine looks great. I think I'll have some now.

 

by willowrhee
5-09-06
Do you think it's safe to go back in there yet?
Yeah, it should be working by now. Let's go see
I suddenly have a craving for some tuna fish. I thought I was a
Vegetarian?
The end.
It worked!
If she thinks she wants fish now, wait til she rolls in some catnip!

 

by willowrhee
5-12-06
It's time for a What's-Trendy Update with the update bat!
Processing small winged animal: BAT (n). creature so insecure he is constantly on the lookout to avoid popular things or ideas.
Robots are particularly trendy! It used to be about the metal and the gears and the trying to take over humankind and dominate the world!
I'm still trying to take over the world
You're trendy, too, cat, because of that French poster that says Chat Noir. That poster is everywhere!
Um, I think cats eat bats!

 

by willowrhee
5-15-06
Would you like to see a magic trick?
Sure
A situation like this happened yesterday and was very sad for me but obviously not for Shredder.

 

by willowrhee
5-19-06
Once again, Shredder and Lambert have snuck out to go to the Internet Cafe...
Shredder, what are we doing here? And can I have some coffee?
Hell no, you can't have coffee. You're already hyper enough! I need to get online to attend to some, er, purrsonal business.
Like what?
Well, Lambert, I'm not getting any younger. It might be time to meet a nice female feline and settle down.
?
So I'm going to create a personal ad on Scratch.com. It's like Match.com but for cats, obviously. You can help me create my profile.

 

by willowrhee
5-19-06
...continued from chapter 1...
1.5 feet tall on my hind legs, furry, lovable, loves tuna and long walks on the tree...
Don't forget catnip! You love the nip, Uncle Shreds!
Catnip, chasing toy mice, purring, attacking feet. What am I looking for in a female? Hmm...

 

by willowrhee
5-19-06
Preferably spayed, since I'm neutered, so I won't feel insecure. A shared interest in chasing birds and mice.
Young at heart, and most of all:
MUST HATE DOGS! There. That should do it. I hope I get some responses.

 

by willowrhee
5-19-06
The next day...
Lambert, wanna come to the cafe with me so I can check my Scratch.com mail?
OK!
Will you get me a triple-shot latte? Decaf for you.
Aww, you're always bossin me around. But OK! Be right back!
Oh, a response! Let's see.
Hi. My name is Sadie. I have soft fur, perky ears, and I definitely hate dogs. When can we meet?

 

by willowrhee
5-19-06
(continued from ch. 4.) MEANWHILE:
Do you serve fish? I think I smell some.
No, just coffee and scones and stuff.
I swear I smell fish. But I guess I'll take two triple-shot lattes.
Coming right up.
Meet me at 7 p.m. at Chat Romantique Restaurant.

 

by willowrhee
5-19-06
(cont. from ch. 4.)
Uh, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Your friend is causing some problems.
Uh oh. What did he do?
First of all, he ate all the scones, thinking there was fish hidden inside. You owe me 55 dollars. Second of all, he's attempting to do drug deals for catnip with all of my customers.
Sigh. OK I'll get him out of here.
Shredder? Shredder? Shredder? Shredder? Shredder?
YES! We can climb a tree at home, for the third time!

 

by willowrhee
5-19-06
(cont. from ch. 5)
This cat sure isn't very punctual. She's almost 10 minutes late. I'm hungry.
Hi. I'm Sadie.
THE END.
And I DON'T appreciate your degrading comments about DOGS! You're gonna get it, cat!
So this is what they mean by "Internet Predator!"

 

by willowrhee
5-24-06
It's time once again for what's trendy and what's not with Update Bat.
Ack! Ninjas! So trendy! You used to be about the karate chops and the nunchucks and the killing with your bare hands!
I can press a pressure point on your wing and kill you in a second.
And, while we're here Ninja, let me just say that Chuck Norris is also sooo passe!
And David Hasselhoff too!

 

by willowrhee
5-25-06
Eh hem. Why did the elephant hide behind the bushes?
So he could jump out and stamp people.

 

by willowrhee
5-25-06
Hey, you there. How do you make an elephant float?
Well, you could put those floaty things on his trunk and legs.
No. You take one scoop of ice cream and a jar of hot fudge. Get some sprinkles. Add one elephant.

 

by willowrhee
5-30-06
Today, Lambert, I'm going to teach you how to catch a bird. Remember that bird I caught a few weeks ago?
Yes. Mom yelled at you.
It's my instinct, and it's yours too. First, you get a hiding place. Like, behind that bush over there.
Then you crouch down, silent as a mouse, which I'll teach you how to hunt tomorrow.
OK

 

by willowrhee
5-30-06
Hey, how's it goin?
Uh, I think you should leave.
And you pounce!
Sorry, Lambert. I missed the bird and accidentally pounced on you!
*sigh* I'm practically prey.

 

by willowrhee
6-30-06
Shredder, do you like our new house and town?
Yeah. We sure are moving a lot. At least it's easy to sneak out of this apartment.
I hear there's a nearby internet cafe called Raven's Nest! Can you believe it? Internet, coffee AND ravens in one big nest. Let's go.
Shredder? Shredder? Shredder? Shredder? Shredder?
*Sigh.* Yes, Lambert?

 

by willowrhee
6-30-06
This doesn't look like a nest. What gives? Where are the bloody ravens?
Heh heh. You're a cute little thing. What can I get ya? We're all out of ravens. Heh heh.
WHAT?! How can a place that calls itself Raven's Nest be OUT of RAVENS? This is ludicrous!
The end.
I like Ludacris. He's my favorite rapper. The alley cats in Denver showed me him. Those alley cats are soooo cool!

 

by willowrhee
6-30-06
Today my joke is not exactly an elephant joke, but rather a joke told by an elephant. Ahem.
What did the llama say on 6/6/06?
Beware the alpaca lips!

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