All comics by yossarian

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
And so begins the religious quest...
The Lord Jesus died on the cross for some reason.
Today I am his incarnation. Fact: I too have long hair.
Then why do you smell like the art teacher's office?
See, the crazy thing is, on Zortblag, we worship the almighty Allah... Strange.
Allah U Akbar, Baby!

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
The Answer to the Catholic Question...
I could have sworn that I was alive ten seconds ago...
Hello and Welcome to Purgatory! I am Helen, your guide through this vast wasteland.
You're a penguin with boobs and a whip. How do you relate to the Bible at all?
Have you ever read the Bible?
No.
Then shut the FUCK UP, you assclown. Follow me.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
And they travel...
I can be stuck here for awhile, can't I?
Yes. Your soul may be blemished.
Sometimes it's hard to be a woman...
Givin' all your love to just one man...
Forget it. The Patsy Cline ninjas are around.
Right. And MY soul is blemished.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
A new part of the saga...
There was a time when my job was fun. But now the earth is splitting open and swallowing people. I'm just a middleman now.
I've been waiting for you for years.
If you're asking, I'll be a doin'
Uh, I should think this through, maybe.
Hello and welcome to Hell. I am Cartoon Satan.
I was expecting less Weird Al music.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
On to Buddhism!
Do you know the secret? The secret of the Gautama? The secret which will lead you to Nirvana?
Your head has shine. I think that's sweet.
So yeah, I was told we can quit working for Wal-Mart and meditate and beg for food!
So it's pretty much what we're doing while sitting around going Ommmm, but not for $2.50 a day.
I've turned into a Christmas tree. Perhaps I should pursue Christianity.
Ommmmmm.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
And now, the metaphysical...
Do robots have souls?
Do humans have souls?
I am your soul. When you die, I don't. Except if I'm shot.
I'm freaked the FUCK out. Either get back in my body, or get out of my room.
Hello. I'm your soul.
It figures. This is Guernica.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
Spirituality and Magic
'allo! Moy naime is Beff! Oim a witch!
Well, I have a Messiah complex. Let's see you walk across the pond, missy.
We can see and touch your soul.
Fear us. For we are hungry.
See?
Okay. Maybe you're a witch and I'm not Jesus. I didn't die on the cross for some reason.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
The Will of God?
I would like to make an announcement.
I can mentally cause combustion.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
Heaven and Hell.
I am an angel. No one will ring A FUCKING BELL so, yeah. We have horizontally symmetrical heads.
I am a demon. I have no horns, as I lost them in a bet with John Tesh. I look like a robot.
...
...
Well, you do your thing, I'll do mine.
That's how it always works.

 

by yossarian
2-03-04
Is Santa taking away from the TRUE meaning of Christmas?
Oh. It's you.
Yes I am, Santa. FEAR ME, FOR I AM SANTA CLAWS.
Oh. It's you. Hello Satan.
Why'd you have to come back?
Oh, it's you, Theory of Big Bang.
Hello Evolution. You and your fucking botox.

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
And when the bullfighters get desperate...
You want a piece of me?!?
Pardon?
...toro?
I have a pair of those hillbilly teeth, if that interests you.

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
The World in the middle of LIFE is IF, man.
You're trespassing.
The Word in the middle of LIFE is IF, man.
Are you going to give me your sign or not?
This PSA brought to you by your friends at OMNICorp.

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
When two paths cross...
Why is black such a fitting colour for my soul?
Did you just say 'colour?'
...Kantian philosophy states that we all don't have colour, that it is an illusion, and that, when we really see blues, violets, greens and reds, well, it's all a product of our imagination...
You forgot the colour yellow...

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
And now, a break from Dance Dance Masturbation...
Though I'm not the character that represents the artist, I'd like to say: Having read some of the most horrible crap on this site (I hope)...
Some of you just aren't funny. And that makes me question my purpose here in THIS strip.
I'm not trying to say that I don't belong here, or that some of you aren't very talented...
What I'm trying to say is that the majority of you should quit. Gay jokes and those little Asian girls giving blowjobs are funny for only so long.
So there you go. I'm displaced.

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
I have to ask him...
So why'd you fuck up in Rwanda?

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
Look! There he is!
Hmm?
Can I shake your hand, Mr. Allenson?
Oh! Just because I'm black and I'm wearing a race number means that I'm the famous Allen Allenson. I guess we all DO look alike to you people.
*crying*
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to call MRS Allenson.

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
You dare demand satisfaction?!
Are you content in referencing Monty Python, Sir One-Arm? Is your humor that impotent?
...
Ni?

 

by yossarian
2-04-04
Well that's an interesting bet, Hippie. I think I will take you up on it.
Good, man.
You think we've forgotten you. You are wrong.
Your impurities only make you more delicious.
Well there you go. I guess I DO owe you ten bucks.
Pay up.

 

by yossarian
2-05-04
Technicalities prohibit the friendship of two cultures...
Greetings, padre. I am Cosmic, emissary of the moon people.
In space, there is no sound.
I will take you to our leader, Shinedog.
You're Americans?
The Americans were never on the moon. That flag is up here because, in a freak coincidence, our flag is identical to theirs. Our should I say yours?
...i'm from manitoba...

 

by yossarian
2-05-04
Digression of Religion. Only One. Promise.
Would you like to know what I'm tired of?
Being crucified for your religious philosophy?
Uh... I suppose you could put it that way.
Notice how far I am in the background. You can come closer.
No. I really can't. You're just a minor prophet. I have to... go... now.
No, come on! We can hang out. I'll turn a lake into wine and then walk over it! Please!

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