Forum archives » Fights Go Here » How Bush will win my vote!

Inflatable_Man
September 1, 2004 11:30 PM

Last night I went to CNN.com (you know... the recently castrated network that is so gutless it's like watching FAUXNews-lite now) and I filled out this suggestion form: http://www.cnn.com/feedback/forms/form5.html?8

It asked what President Bush had to do to win my vote in November. A man resembling an anorexic Santa Claus stared back at me from a small box on the screen. He was named.... Wolf Blitzer .... and he said the best answers would be read on his show. He had too cool (sexy?) a name to turn back now. So I gave my honest answer. Here it is, in it's unedited form:

"Dubya needs to be body-snatched by a socially progressive alien who will ... (a) cure the suffering of millions by allowing legislation concerning stem-cell research to pass... (and if not for millions of poor, innocent, mangled people... then at least do it for the Gipper, George!) (b) recognize that gays are people too, and that their right to be happily married does not infringe on the rights of straight couples to get happily divorced... (c) cease his rogue cowboy escapades and realize that the ...
Middle East is not the new American frontier... (d) stop exploiting the memory of 9/11 in order to start wars with countries that have nothing to do with 9/11... (e) stop exploiting the memory of Laci Peterson to roll back 'Roe VS Wade' (see proposed Laci Peterson law)... (f) stop spending money he doesn't have... (If I had a 400 billion deficit on my account would you accept a check from me?!?) ... and finally

....

*Drum roll please*... (g) is literate enough to read a book besides 'My Pet Goat'!"

Yeah, I suppose it's a bit lame... but then again so is the Prez. Vote ... um... the other guy in November. No, not Nader. The other, other guy. You know who I'm talking about. He looks like Boris Karloff if he got botoxed up.

...

Yeah... well... he's better than Bush.

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MikeyG
September 2, 2004 6:50 AM

That wasn't lame at all, Flate. That was so sexy I think I busted a nut in my unitard when I read it.

Rock on, me heartie.

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MikeyG
September 2, 2004 6:50 AM

That wasn't lame at all, Flate. That was so sexy I think I busted a nut in my unitard when I read it.

Rock on, me heartie.

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DragonXero
September 3, 2004 12:06 AM

I agree with all this, except the vote for Kerry part, and a few alterations, well, one.

Abolish marriage as a government-recognized institution, fizzling it down to what it should be, a religious ceremony granting people no other legal alterations than a name change. Civil unions should be the *only* way to become the legal spouse of another. True seperation of church and state. Drop all laws regarding who can and can't get married. And finally, limit these civil unions to two humans who are of legal age and consent to the union. And while we're at it, I'd like to see all unions carry with them a little more sense of permenance. No more need for prenups, you get back what you brought in, and anything you earn, you keep. Anything that is only half yours, you get half of. You lose all allowances gained through the union, and hell, why not just make it so that people have to pay back what they saved while in the union. That should make people think a little longer about the person they are going to spend their lives with. No more getting married, then divorcing two years later with two kids in the house who have to be seperated from one parent, no more needless court costs, and definitely fewer screwed up people in a couple generations.

I dunno, it's just a thought, probably wouldn't work, but something needs to be done to ensure that both freedom and equality are met. And gays are people too. They just have better fashion sense than most.

Joke, people.

Anyway, nice letter. But I'm still voting for Dio. Not that your vote matters anyway.

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MikeyG
September 3, 2004 6:37 AM

Yes, let's all vote for the man who came up with "Holy Diver".

Pure genius.

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jes_lawson
September 3, 2004 12:23 PM

He'd win my vote if he'd recognise the 51st State's right to vote, so I can get Blair out of the White House Mark 2.

Then, when we had the vote, I'd vote him out of office. And liquidate Halliburton and use it to create jobs and subsidise health care and pensions.

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MikeyG
September 3, 2004 1:30 PM

I vote Jes_Lawson for President. Of Iraq.

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jes_lawson
September 4, 2004 9:15 AM

Like Saddam, except with more topless bars.

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Rabid_Weasle
September 4, 2004 10:32 AM

And in a mini-skirt.

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DragonXero
September 4, 2004 9:55 PM

quote:
Yes, let's all vote for the man who came up with "Holy Diver".

Pure genius.



You forget that he wrote "I Speed at Night" too.

Let's see YOUR candidate rock that hard.

The best he can manage is a stunning rendition of Lurch's "Yeeessss missus addamss...."

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MikeyG
September 5, 2004 8:23 AM

quote:
The best he can manage is a stunning rendition of Lurch's "Yeeessss missus addamss...."

Who, Nader?

Also, Holy Diver negates any rocking and/or rolling Mr. Dio may or may not have accomplished.

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andydougan
September 5, 2004 8:48 AM

"Dubya needs to be body-snatched by a socially progressive alien who will is literate enough to read a book besides 'My Pet Goat'"? What does that mean?

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Inflatable_Man
September 5, 2004 9:52 AM

quote:
"Dubya needs to be body-snatched by a socially progressive alien who will is literate enough to read a book besides 'My Pet Goat'"? What does that mean?

Well, kind sir... I shall explain. At Booker T elementary on September 11th, 2001, Mr Bush... our fearless President... was so enthralled by the absorbing story of 'My Pet Goat' that he didn't leave the class for seven minutes. It seems to be the only literature anyone has ever seen him read.

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DragonXero
September 6, 2004 12:22 AM

quote:
quote:
The best he can manage is a stunning rendition of Lurch's "Yeeessss missus addamss...."

Who, Nader?

Also, Holy Diver negates any rocking and/or rolling Mr. Dio may or may not have accomplished.



Oh come on. You may dispute the greatness of a candidate's decisions, but you cannot say with a straight face that Holy Diver wasn't one of the greatest rock songs you've ever heard!

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bunnerabb
September 8, 2004 10:54 PM

quote:
but you cannot say with a straight face that Holy Diver wasn't one of the greatest rock songs you've ever heard

Try me.

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DragonXero
September 9, 2004 4:31 AM

I fucking hate you guys.

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bunnerabb
September 11, 2004 4:31 AM

quote:
I fucking hate you guys

:_(

Don't just hate, man. It's all that metal you listen to.

It's making you HATE... : (

What you need is a nice Carpenters Greatest Hits CD.

And some cookies and ice cold milk. : 9

And a hug.

I know I do.

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pita
September 11, 2004 3:54 PM

*big fat hugs for bunner*

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MikeyG
September 11, 2004 7:44 PM

The only reason I wouldn't be able to say "Holy Diver" is one of the greatest rock songs I've ever heard is because I am too busy laughing at the fact that someone CAN say that with a straight face.

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DragonXero
September 12, 2004 12:06 PM

quote:
Don't just hate, man. It's all that metal you listen to.

It's making you HATE... : (


Nope, that's the cigarettes. They also make me a badass. And they make me look cool.

quote:
What you need is a nice Carpenters Greatest Hits CD.
Now THAT would make me angry and full of hate.

quote:
And some cookies and ice cold milk. : 9
Cookies make my teeth hurt, and I'm lactose intolerant.

quote:
And a hug.
Every time I try to get a hug, the girls always scream "rape! rape!". Maybe it's because I'm naked. And covered with jam.

quote:
I know I do.
Ask Spanks.

Post #151278link

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