Compare with the REAL LYRICS
A Modern Lance-a-Corp-por-ral
I am the very model of a modern Lance-a-Corp-por-ral,
I've information vegetable, animal and things as foul,
As all the kings of England and I quote the fights with Scot-to-land,
Watching Braveheart and-a waling on my head with pots and pans.
I'm not so well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I confuse all equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem, I'm peeing my pants with such words --
And misquoting the facts about the truth of both the bees and birds.
I'm not so good at integral and differential calculus,
When I’m told to swab the deck I stomp and make tremendous fuss
In matters of lib-o and chow and acting like an animal,
I am the very model of a modern Lance-a-Corp-por-ral.
I know our mythic history, of giant pricks and cocky cocks,
How we've survived two-thirty years is something of a paradox,
It makes as much sense to-me as-the word, "He-lio-ga-bal-lus,"
In coneas, we're belligerent as kids who're stuck in Toys 'R' Us.
I can’t tell if I'm getting paid as much as E-3's should,
But I know what weed-costs in East-L-A-deep-up-in-the-hood,
I want to get out more than any re-cruit every dreamed about,
I’m sick of pol-lice call-ing ciggy butts and having trash to tout;
I want to get promoted but I’ve never done an M-C-I
I think I rate re-spect but when I’m told to move I deeply sigh.
In matters of lib-o and chow and acting like an animal,
I am the very model of a modern Lance-a-Corp-por-ral.
-- red