Forum archives » General Discussion » This is Some Funny Joke!

ChubbyKnight
July 8, 2006 12:50 PM

 
 
True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."

Post #227746link

BigFrank105
July 8, 2006 4:17 PM

Eh... Old.

Post #227756link

ftc
July 8, 2006 5:00 PM

I believe Jesus broke the tension during the Last Supper with that joke.

Post #227759link

crabby
July 8, 2006 5:03 PM

Still funny.

Post #227760link

ivytheplant
July 8, 2006 6:08 PM

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought this would happen to me...

Post #227761link

fuzzyman
July 8, 2006 9:31 PM

...but I was paying for a pack of smokes at 7-11 when the Indian girl behind the register said...

Post #227772link

BigFrank105
July 8, 2006 9:39 PM

.

Post #227773link

boorite
July 8, 2006 10:30 PM

RECTUM? IT KILLED 'EM!!

Post #227775link

ivytheplant
July 8, 2006 10:45 PM

quote:
...but I was paying for a pack of smokes at 7-11 when the Indian girl behind the register said...

...cleanup in isle two.

Post #227779link

biped
July 8, 2006 11:43 PM

quote:
...but I was paying for a pack of smokes at 7-11 when the Indian girl behind the register said...

"Beep-beep! Death awaits you!"

Post #227780link

JESUSSANDWICH
July 9, 2006 12:36 AM

I like those letters, I once* jerked off at work to those things.

*Many, many times (oh so many)

Post #227782link

fuzzyman
July 9, 2006 4:24 AM

quote:
quote:
...but I was paying for a pack of smokes at 7-11 when the Indian girl behind the register said...

...cleanup in isle two.

Then she winked at me. Aisle two was where they kept Penthouse and my other favorite magazine, Jugs. Had she seen me on the security camera? I thought I was discreet. As I handed her the money for the smokes she...

Post #227783link

Zaster
July 9, 2006 5:18 AM

quote:
Then she winked at me. Aisle two was where they kept Penthouse and my other favorite magazine, Jugs. Had she seen me on the security camera? I thought I was discreet. As I handed her the money for the smokes she...
...ran her tongue slowly across her luscious lips and asked me if there was anything else she could do for me. I asked her if she had any Superman Returns promotional pez dispensers. She said they had sold the last one that morning. That made me sad so then I asked her if I could have...

Post #227784link

crabby
July 9, 2006 8:08 AM

quote:
quote:
Then she winked at me. Aisle two was where they kept Penthouse and my other favorite magazine, Jugs. Had she seen me on the security camera? I thought I was discreet. As I handed her the money for the smokes she...
...ran her tongue slowly across her luscious lips and asked me if there was anything else she could do for me. I asked her if she had any Superman Returns promotional pez dispensers. She said they had sold the last one that morning. That made me sad so then I asked her if I could have...

...sex. She laughed a hearty belly laugh and informed me that she was just kidding about the Pez Dispensers. She then went on in detail about how Superman Returns is a bonafied flop and how this will set back DC movies for years to come. She then continued laughing for several minutes before she removed her flesh and died a slow quivering death.

The End

Post #227786link

biped
July 9, 2006 8:25 AM

Mmm...do the "removing her flesh" part again, only slower.

Post #227789link

fuzzyman
July 9, 2006 8:42 AM

You people are no fun.

Post #227790link

Zaster
July 9, 2006 3:10 PM

quote:
You people are no fun.
Seriously. I had no idea that Superman Returns was such a traumatic event for some people. Haven't seen it myself.

Post #227798link

crabby
July 9, 2006 5:25 PM

Superman Returns was awful. I'm glad it's a big summer dud.

Post #227811link

biped
July 9, 2006 5:52 PM

It serves them right for not getting Vin Diesel to play Superman.

Post #227817link

boorite
July 9, 2006 11:15 PM

What the FUCK are you people shooting up your urethras?

Post #227847link

LuckyGuess
July 13, 2006 3:54 PM

quote:
The End

...Or so it would have been, if not for...

Post #228068link

biped
July 13, 2006 4:16 PM

quote:
...Or so it would have been, if not for...

...the courage of the fearless crew, The Minnow would be lost, The Minnow would be lost.

Post #228070link

crabby
July 13, 2006 5:53 PM

quote:
quote:
...Or so it would have been, if not for...

...the courage of the fearless crew, The Minnow would be lost, The Minnow would be lost.
The end.

Post #228078link

LuckyGuess
July 13, 2006 6:39 PM

Bravo!

Post #228085link

ftc
July 13, 2006 6:54 PM

quote:

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."

I'd like to see an alternate ending to that joke where the man had a condom in his wallet.

Post #228087link

ivytheplant
July 13, 2006 7:24 PM

He got the sister pregnant, his wife divorced him, and the kid grew up to be a hooker.

Post #228092link

JESUSSANDWICH
July 13, 2006 9:56 PM

a flatulent hooker.

Post #228103link

boorite
July 14, 2006 12:29 PM

quote:
I'd like to see an alternate ending to that joke where the man had a condom in his wallet.

So then he boned her and the dad cut his balls off with a weed knife. LOL

Post #228122link

Cre8tive13
July 14, 2006 12:45 PM

The hooker became an absent-minded anorexic. She would binge on food but would forget to purge. She got so fat, she could not leave her bed. So, she continued to work and men often paid her handsomely to have sex with her armpit. It's okay, she had it nicely trimmed and the bed sores were on the other side of her body....

(I puked in my mouth a bit writing that)

Post #228126link

biped
July 14, 2006 1:03 PM

I prefer to think the guy still leaves the house after the sister goes upstairs, but he shits in her purse first.

Post #228127link

mandingo
July 14, 2006 1:21 PM

in an O'Henry turn of events, the husband sold his golfclub one day to buy his wife lipstick not knowing the wife had bought him a golfbag by selling her mouth one night

Post #228130link

boorite
July 14, 2006 1:24 PM

quote:
in an O'Henry turn of events, the husband sold his golfclub one day to buy his wife lipstick not knowing the wife had bought him a golfbag by selling her mouth one night

His wife's a whore-- what's that to do with a candy bar?

Post #228132link

biped
July 14, 2006 1:28 PM

In an O. Henry turn of events, he fucks the dad on the front porch.

Post #228135link

mandingo
July 14, 2006 1:29 PM

quote:
quote:
in an O'Henry turn of events, the husband sold his golfclub one day to buy his wife lipstick not knowing the wife had bought him a golfbag by selling her mouth one night

His wife's a whore-- what's that to do with a candy bar?
take a Mars down to 3rd and Rosemont and all your questions will be answered

Post #228136link

LuckyGuess
July 14, 2006 1:44 PM

quote:
quote:
quote:
in an O'Henry turn of events, the husband sold his golfclub one day to buy his wife lipstick not knowing the wife had bought him a golfbag by selling her mouth one night

His wife's a whore-- what's that to do with a candy bar?
take a Mars down to 3rd and Rosemont and all your questions will be answered

Are there ponies?

Post #228141link

mandingo
July 14, 2006 2:12 PM

quote:
quote:
quote:
quote:
in an O'Henry turn of events, the husband sold his golfclub one day to buy his wife lipstick not knowing the wife had bought him a golfbag by selling her mouth one night

His wife's a whore-- what's that to do with a candy bar?
take a Mars down to 3rd and Rosemont and all your questions will be answered

Are there ponies?
if you bring the King Size there is

Post #228142link

boorite
July 14, 2006 3:45 PM

I always "bring the king size," bitch.

Post #228148link

biped
July 14, 2006 4:04 PM

Yeah--the king size HEAD, Big Head.

Post #228149link

boorite
July 14, 2006 5:35 PM

at least I don't have a king size ASS like YOUR huge ass, Mr. Big Ass

Post #228155link

biped
July 14, 2006 9:14 PM

A king size ASS is more useful than a king size HEAD, Big Head.

Post #228167link

boorite
July 14, 2006 11:08 PM

that's a king size point, why don't you blow it out your king-size ASS?

Post #228170link

crabby
July 14, 2006 11:11 PM

There is only one king I recognize.

Post #228171link

Rabid_Weasle
July 15, 2006 2:40 PM

Post #228195link

mandingo
July 15, 2006 11:38 PM

quote:
There is only one king I recognize.

countryman!

Post #228238link

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