quote:
You refuse to watch Citizen Kane...
Um... any particular reason you don't want to be "subjected" to what's considered by 99% of film critics to be the best movie ever?
In fact, movies 1-6 on this list are damn good. And so is 11 for that matter.
Godfather is another film I can't believe someone on planet Earth hasn't seen yet. And yet you found time to watch "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers".. *shudder*
Most of the reason I refuse to see those movies is because I wasn't that interested in watching them anyway, no matter how people praised them. In fact, the more people praised them and told me that my life was meaningless because I didn't watch some movie that they did, the less I wanted to see it. Now, it's gotten to the point where I admit that I am a horrible human being because I didn't watch a movie. The next person who tells me I simply
must see Braveheart will get disemboweled.
So, you want to hear my reasons for not wanting to watch movies that "everyone else" wants me to watch? Here you go:
1. Braveheart - My dad's evil psycho bitch girlfriend who worshipps everything with pink lace teddy bears discovered I hadn't seen this movie yet (it had just come out three months prior) so she sat me down and for four fucking hours gave me a detailed, scene-by-scene reenactment of this movie. She elaborated on Mel Gibson's butt more than anything and having never thought he was attractive to begin with, I found myself very sickened. And now that the movie is associated with she-bitch, I would rather pull out my own teeth than see it.
2. Brokeback Mountain - I read the story. It was okay. Annie Proulx has a chip on her shoulder and needs the stick taken out of her ass. Just because I live in Wyoming, doesn't mean I have to inhale everything about it.
3. The Godfather - I never had much of an interest in the movie and people have decided I'm a horrible person with no sense of taste because of it and the more they tell me I simply must see it because otherwise I'm a bad person, the less I want to.
4. Scarface - I actually wanted to see it, but it was either heavily edited on a channel with commercials, was on movie channels when I didn't have them, was finally available at the rental place when I was broke, and no one I knew had it. By the time I finally was able to see it, I was told how horrible I was because I hadn't seen it yet. That's when I started not caring and loathing it on principle.
5. Rocky I - See #3
6. Master and Commander - There has to be a point when the constant Russell Crowe lust over his epic "historical" dramas needs to stop. Personally, I can't stand the man. And again, people tell me I simply must see this movie. Mostly because Russell Crowe is "hot." I tend to see him as "sweaty and gross."
7. Napoleon Dynamite - People went nuts over a movie I had absolutely no interest in seeing. Merchandising went crazy over something I didn't care about anyway. I figure, no matter how many talking bobbleheads are out there, why do I have to see a movie I don't want to watch anyway?
8. Passion of the Christ - 18 years of bible school hell and being forced to watch a Passion play every goddamned summer. Yeah, I'm first in line.
9. Patriot - Another Mel Gibson historical drama. I don't like him and I only like historical dramas when they are more historical than drama thinly veiled as patriotic propaganda. Fifteen minutes of this and I turned it off.
10. The New World - By this time I can't tell if it's another Mel Gibson or Russell Crowe movie and either way I don't care.
11. Gladiator - Again, one of those "gee, someone I can't stand in a movie that's historically inaccurate that everyone thinks I'm a bad person because I haven't seen yet." Rome wasn't white, it looked like Vegas. And female gladiators were topless. Until I'm promised a topless female gladiator, I will never see this. Plus, Russell Crowe is hideous.
12. Citizen Kane - I had a slight interest in this movie. I actually managed to go ten years without ever really knowing anything about it. Then people started telling me about the whole movie, even after I said "I haven't seen it yet. I would like to. Please don't ruin it for me." Now, I don't care if I die before I ever see it.
13. Be Cool - Look, ever since I mistakenly saw Terminator 2 before Terminator, I've had this policy where I don't watch a sequel until I see the first one. So I will not see this one until I see Get Shorty. And a friend of mine is relentless in trying to make me watch it, even though I told her I have to see Get Shorty first. Then she insists I don't need to see Get Shorty first, but not only do I want to see Get Shorty before I see Be Cool, I just want to see Get Shorty anyway. But by this time, I'm so sick of telling her that, I don't want to see Be Cool anymore because I'm sick of her constantly bitching at me.
14. Chicago - Never cared for it, never wanted to see it, fortunately people have ignored me on this. However, all it will take is three people telling me I have to see it and any residual interest I might have to see it if it came on late at night on HBO will vanish.
15. My Big Fat Greek Wedding - My mother recommended it. She's the one that forced me to see The English Patient and half on that whole list. I'm not about to see anything she recommends anymore, unless I saw it first.
16. American Pie - Everyone thought this was the shit and told me as much. Constantly. Seeing as how I really don't like teen dramas anyway, why would I want to see "hilarious" teen hijinks movies when I outgrew them when I was 12?
17. The Client - Yay, one of those Tom Clancy/John Grisham movies that all are the same and I can't keep straight. These all seem to come out near the same time and I can't keep them straight and after a while they blend in anyway. Same with Crowe/Gibson movies.
18. The Fugitive - My mother spent my entire childhood bitching at me to do my homework instead of watching tv, even if I had no homework and finished all my chores. Then the one fucking day I had to complete a project that actually took some effort, she decided we had to watch this movie. I wanted to see it, but I had to finish my project, which I had worked my ass off on and needed to finish the last bits before I turned it in the next day. She wouldn't shut the fuck up and insisted I watch it. So instead, I refused to watch a movie to do my homework. As a result, she grounded me and sent me to a room to do my homework instead of watching The Fugitive. Somehow, I really don't want to see it anymore.
19. Clear and Present Danger - See #17
20. Four Weddings and a Funeral - This should be in the "Forced to watch by my mother" list. I mistyped it. But considering I don't remember anything about it except a desire to hiss and make the sign of the cross, it can stay.
Look, if I don't particularly care about seeing a movie, I'm not going to go out of my way to see it. I might watch it if it comes on a movie channel late at night or during the day when I'm just sitting around. I have nothing particularly against that movie. What I do have something against are the people that tell me I'm a horrible person because I don't want to see some movie I have no interest in anyway and even more the people who think I'm horrible because I haven't had a chance to see it yet.
I'm not about to go tell someone they're horrible person because they haven't seen The Pianist or Tremors. In fact, I won't insist they see it either. At most I'd tell the person that I liked the movie and if they are interested in Holocaust drama or giant underground monsters eating people, then they might enjoy them as well. But I refuse to tell someone they simply must see a movie because I or 99% of the population thought it was good and then proceed to mock the person with airs of superiority if they haven't. It's fucking rude and all it does to me is make me not want to see your damned "masterpiece" movie, no matter how many gross sweaty Russell Crowes are in there.
And as for the Power Rangers movie, I didn't realize I'm supposed to stick to high-brow stuff all the time. It was a piece of fluff that I saw with a friend because we were bored out of our mind living in Arkansas with a movie rental place that only had Southern Baptist approved rentals and the nearest theater or place to buy movies were an hour and a half away. Most of the movies on this list were banned from that rental place. Power Rangers was unintentionally hilarious and I'm glad I saw it. It certainly killed time between church and sunday school and kept us from killing ourselves.
And yes, I am hostile and bitchy in this post because I'm fucking sick and tired of wanting to see a movie and being judged as inferior just because I haven't gotten around to seeing it yet or don't want to see it. And the more people tell me this, the less I want to see it. So now I want to see all those movies on that list less than ever.