Spoilers, maybe.

I saw the new Hulk movie last night. I got a little confused because I didn't know much about it going in. I had wrongly assumed that it was a sequel, and couldn't figure out why they had recast everyone.

Surprise, but it was in fact a whole new Hulk. I kinda liked Eric Bana, and losing Sam Elliott just sucks, no matter how good William Hurt is. Also, the Hulk is a little more of a pussy in this movie. Gone are the days of the several mile jump. Now it's all he can do to get his tubby green ass a few stories off the ground. He was also a lot more torn up after the fights. Maybe that's the CGI guys wanting to show off their animation abilities.

I read some reviews afterwards and it seemed like people were complaining of a lack of back story and too much action. A 90 minute long movie of the Hulk ripping the shit out of everything would have suited me just fine, so I didn't think they overdid the action.

I was a little confused at the end, when I thought we'd get to see the Tim Roth monster's head pop off, but then Arwen got all whiney and told the Hulk to stop Hulking out. Meh.

Anyway, it wasn't as bad as the Happening sounded, which is good, since that was the other movie on our list.

Favorite five seconds of the movie: A slightly jacked-up Tim Roth confronts the Hulk and starts taunting him, saying "Is that all you've got?" We see a grimace from the Hulk and his leg twitch, and then you see a crumpled, ragdoll-like Roth body wrap itself around the trunk of a tree a couple dozen yards away. Everyone in the theater was giggling.

Wait...  did the Hulk fart on him or something?

You should've seen what happened the time Black Bolt farted.

Two words:

The Avengers.

'Nuff said.

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AngryAmerican wrote:

Two words:

The Avengers.

'Nuff said.

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biped wrote:
You should've seen what happened the time Black Bolt farted.

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It's what sunk Atlantis, some say.

the tv series so kicked the holy fuck out of the first movie, i don't think i can bring myself to watch the second. unless bill bixby's been reanimated, in which case i'm there. plus, besides American History X and Fight Club, Ed Norton's sucked cock in every movie i've seen him in. ginormous green angry cock. you know the type

Don't let it stop you Mandingo. It rocked.

My advice is to eat some peyote and when your spirit horse arrives ask it to erase the memory of the first movie and then ask it "Did you see the size of that chicken?"

I feel that this movie misleads kids as to the dangers of gamma radiation.

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AngryAmerican wrote:
My advice is to eat some peyote

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I like Norton but as the hulk? It seems a lot like asking a dish rag to pick up a sledge hammer.

The linguistic descriptors required to adequately express the galactic suckage of the first hulk film fiasco do not yet exist.

And I'm curious as to who in their right mind would finance another one of these giant celuloid boogers?

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Hatrix wrote:
I like Norton but as the hulk? It seems a lot like asking a dish rag to pick up a sledge hammer.

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not_Scyess wrote:

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Hatrix wrote:
I like Norton but as the hulk? It seems a lot like asking a dish rag to pick up a sledge hammer.

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It's more like asking a senator to wash dishes. Norton is a very talented actor and this is... well, it's a super-hero movie.

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Well first, I would ask a senator to wash dishes because it's not a title it's a job description and it doesn't disqualify anyone from getting of their asses and doing some actual work.

However I do agree with you. I really like Norton's work. But this is miscasting at it's finest. And he is no action hero.  In the same vein I wouldn't call Bruce Willis or Vin Diesel if I had a romance to cast either. [brokeback mountain sequel maybe?? :D]

And then there's the spiderman franchise. Wow. Why didn't they just take it out back and shoot it instead of what they did ? There are no laws against cruelty to comic book characters but there should be.

I think they should've gotten Ben Affleck to play Banner and also the Hulk, using Ferrigno-style makeup instead of CGI.  It would be fun to see a green-skinned, fright-wigged Affleck doing crab poses and screaming his head off.

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I think they should've gotten Ben Affleck to play Banner and also the Hulk, using Ferrigno-style makeup instead of CGI. It would be fun to see a green-skinned, fright-wigged Affleck doing crab poses and screaming his head off.

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According to the Oregonian's film critic, the Hulk is actually voiced by Ferrigno.

Which is nice.

 I think he may have had a part in voicing it in Ang Lee's version, as well.

By the by, I haven't seen the new one yet, but I actually quite enjoyed Ang's take on it.  I mean, I can understand completely why people hate it, but personally I feel he gave the character a great spin of its own, and allowed Ang to delve into daddy/son issues.

I suppose people felt cheated by this artsy take on it, but if you've ever seen his "The Ice Storm" you could've seen it coming.  In that picture, Tobey Macguire is trapped on a icebound train with a copy of a sliver age Fantastic Four, and his character, who narrates the film, at one point makes a long and eloquent monologue that deconstructs the Fantastic Four as a dysfunctional family (natch) and the Negative Zone as one of those hidden but deep family crises that can rip them apart.  It was quite brilliant.

Ed Norton as a nerdy nebbish little scientist who becomes big, angry and green?  Sounds like a good fit to me.  I have no issues with the casting of this movie, and actually want to see it.

Tobey Maguire as the skinny, acrobatic teenager Spider-Man?  That works for me.  The first two movies were gold.  The third one would have been great if they didn't let Topher Grace talk while Venomed out.  If you really have a problem with Brock being a skinny photographer, read some Ultimate Marvel sometime.  It is an amalgamation of the mainstream and ultimate versions, as most Marvel movies lately have been.

 Robert Downey Junior as the constantly drunk billionaire with a mechanized suit of armor?  If you won't buy that, I can't imagine how you go grocery shopping.  Iron Man was actually pretty awesome in my opinion.

X-Men was hit or miss.  Casting Patrick Stewart as Xavier was a given.  The rest of the cast was mostly well-rounded, though the heavy divergence from the original story started to grate on me a bit after a while.  But it was made to get people to watch it, not for nerds like me to nod our heads in agreement with everything.

Coming up will be the Avengers movie.  Marvel could make this awesome if they use a mix of classic Avengers and "New Avengers".  Wolverene, the Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Vision and Hawkeye would make a good modern Avengers team.  Obviously the Hulk, Wolverene and Iron Man are already cast.  Filling in the role of Steve Rogers, some younger actor with the build and the "shit doesn't stick to him" look.  No idea who that would be.  The Vision's actor doesn't matter much, and could be done mostly through CGI like Iron Man.  Hawkeye might be a bit of a pain in the ass to cast.  Someone good at playing a cocky, mid-30s character would be nice.  And then there's SHIELD director Nick Fury.

This will piss some people off.  But it's pretty much assured.  Samuel L. Jackson.  Why?  Sam L. is already the model for the Ultimates' Nick Fury.  It seems weird, but that's how Marvel is likely to go.

Just imagine an exchange between Nick Fury and Tony Stark...

Aren't they planning a Thor movie sometime in the future?

She-hulk vs Wonder Woman. Now, dammit.

I never thought mcguire was a good spiderman. Too scrawny and his voice :P He'd be the perfect guy to play in a live version of the Simpsons as the "Squeaky voiced teen". Come to think of it so would Topher grace. LOL!! He was hilarious as the "villain". It was like watching Eric Foreman play Venom. Too silly to be taken seriously.

By the third spider movie I think Raimi was in need of some electro shock therapy or heavy anti-psychotics because wtf was he thinking?? It sucked giant sweaty donkey balls. But I may be understating it a little.

Now I see there's a fourth announced. I guess they won't stop until they're absolutely sure they've stomped that franchise into a wet spot on the side walk.

I think they should make some of the 'alternate universe' stuff into movies. Did you read the series where all the super heros became zombies? Creepy! It would make the perfect movie. But they need Romero to direct. :D

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DragonXero wrote:

Coming up will be the Avengers movie.  Marvel could make this awesome if they use a mix of classic Avengers and "New Avengers". 

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From what I've heard, it's pretty much going to be the original Avengers:  Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America and possibly Ant-Man.  At least that's the current plan at Marvel Studios.

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ArtemisStrong wrote:

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Speaking of "Brokeback Mountain" sequels...

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From what I've heard, it's pretty much going to be the original Avengers:  Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America and possibly Ant-Man.

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Gee, if I ever need help from a superhero, I sure hope ant-man shows up, and not one of those second string losers like Cap or Thor.

I was totally jazzed about this http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478970/

when I first heard it around the time Hot Fuzz was released on DVD.

DAMN, FUCK, AND WOW!  I TOTALLY WANT TO SEE ANT-MAN!

He's my hero of choice for any emergency involving a picnic.

He can also crawl into the bad guy's pants and bite his nuts.

Of course, other superheroes can do that, too, but Ant Man is much less conspicuous about it.

HULK DANCE!!!!!

Has anybody here read a Hulk comic book? Let me save you some time:

 Bruce Banner isn't supposed to be an action hero.

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Ewwwww wrote:

Has anybody here read a Hulk comic book? Let me save you some time:

Bruce Banner isn't supposed to be an action hero.

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THEN WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THEN DAMMIT

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BigFrank105 wrote:

HULK DANCE!!!!!

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I love the way it says:  I smash, spin, and "dance!"

Smashing and spinning, yes--these functions it can clearly and definitively be described as performing.  But the "dancing" part has to be qualified with quotation marks to avoid charges of false advertising.

Also, the "Press My Big Toes" come-on is just plain disturbing.  And "Hulkey Pokey"?  Holy shit.

I think by 'dance', they mean 'sway from side to side', which could almost constitute as 'smashing'.

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And "Hulkey Pokey"? Holy shit.

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Zaster wrote:

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And "Hulkey Pokey"? Holy shit.

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Yeah, I'm just not feelin' the rage there at all. "Do the hulky pokey" doesn't grab you by the short hairs the same way as "Hulk smash puny human".

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