OK so this won't be the headline on tomorrow's back pages, but it should be. The world has gone stark raving mad. If you're ignorant of football, you needn't read any further, because the impact of this just won't hit you in the required way. I'm talking of course about today's results in the qualification tournament for the next World Cup.
Lets start with the weirdest one of all:
SWITZERLAND 1-2 LUXEMBOURG
Is any more proof needed that this giant LHC in Geneva is playing havoc with the space time contiuum? Luxembourg have won. This is the second time they have won a game of football in the last TWELVE years (they've won a grand total of five competitive matches since 1975, two of those were against Malta and one against Gambia) and whats more they did it against Switzerland, who's last results in World Cup football were a string of shut-outs that got them to the brink of the World Cup Quarter Final. Only the first in a long line of Turkish last-minute miracles stopped them getting to the quarter finals of this summer's European Championships, and they've just been beaten, at home, by LUXEMBOURG. LUCK-SUM-BERG.
As if it wasn't bad enough that Saturday saw World Cup Finalists France humped 3-1 by Austria, as if it wasn't bad enough that Romania, who by all accounts bossed their match against the French in the Euro's this year, were utterly dismantled, on their own pitch, by Lithuania, who went on to stuff the Austrians today. Finland took the lead against Germany three times before succumbing to a draw, Portugal were beaten at home by an ordinary Denmark side, a small row of Spanish shops called Andorra came within ten minutes of snatching a draw against Belarus, and Romania (population: twenty-two million) scraped a 1-0 win in their match with San Marino (population: dog).
Oh, and Croatia were given their first home defeat in fourteen years by England, which almost eclipses the above, as England are wank.
Typing all this on a forum where the majority don't give a shit about football is probably a waste of time, but I was excited about Luxembourg, and when I'm happy I want you all to know, because I love you like a frenchman loves sweat.