LOS ANGELES (AP) - A jury Wednesday awarded a cancer-stricken smoker more than $3 billion from tobacco giant Philip Morris, the largest judgment against a cigarette maker in a lawsuit brought by an individual.

The Superior Court jury found against Philip Morris on all six claims of fraud, negligence and making a defective product.

Richard Boeken, 56, of Topanga was awarded $3 billion in punitive damages and $5.5 million in general damages.

``We thought that figure would hurt them, make them stand up and take notice,'' juror Denise Key said of the punitive damages. ``We want them to be responsible, to put on their product that the product will kill so when you smoke you smoke at your own risk.''

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My apologies to any smokers here, but how the hell to people start smoking in the first place? You don't need a bunch of fucking genius researchers to tell you that smoking is bad. Jam your head in a chimney and take a deep breath. Or walk through a small, crowded bar filled with smokers and hang out for a couple minutes.

Even if everyone else was doing it, even if it was clinically proven to be absolutely safe, I still wouldn't even begin to think about smoking. Just sniffing my clothes after a night out makes me want to barf.

When are people gonna start suing the liquor companies 'cause their livers are wrecked? Can I sue someone for eating paste in kindergarten because now I have chronic headaches and I'm sure the two are related?

Come to think of it, for those of you that are smoking... why the hell are you doing it? Do you really not care what it's doing to you? Or don't you believe it? And if later on in life, you get cancer or the like, are you gonna bitch about it?

Not to put a damper on anyone's rage, but what the "jury awards" the plantiff is rarely ever what the plantiff actually receives. That our moronic fellow citizens award numbers higher than they can count is usually taken into account by the judge, who knocks down the settlement to a reasonable sum. I'd be surprised if the guy got even a million above his medical costs.

(I know, it's still a million bucks right? Where's my lighter...)

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Come to think of it, for those of you that are smoking... why the hell are you doing it?

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My superego's out screwing some hooker (it's not really like him, I know), so only these two have something to say.

Ego:

Everyone knows that smoking kills them. The exception being those who start smoking before the surgeon general's warning 40 years or so ago.

IMO, people (mostly kids) first try cigarettes for the sake of experimentation or rebellion. They stay smoking for the first year or so because they get a buzz off it. They stay longer than that because they're hooked.

Id:

IF I HEAR ONE MORE OF YOU WHINY FUCKS TELLING ME MY CIGARETTE SMOKE IS BOTHERING YOU, I'M GONNA SHOVE THE BUTT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, YOU'RE GONNA FART SMOKE RINGS FOR A WEEK.

I started out by smoking cloves. They smell and taste yummy, and it was something to do with my hands in social situations when I felt awkward. I gradually became addicted.

People drink alcohol in large quantities even though it's bad for them. People eat steak. People skydive. People ride in NYC yellow cabs. We do a LOT of destructive and potentially destructive things to ourselves.

In any event, I quit about 4 months ago, and I've been having a really hard time of it lately. I actually had a cigarette in my mouth with the lighter poised, but I made myself wait a little while longer in case the craving passed. Although it did not pass completely, I managed to wrestle control of it. I am (currently) still a non-smoker. I have this internal struggle to look forward to on and off for the rest of my life.

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Not to put a damper on anyone's rage, but what the "jury awards" the plantiff is rarely ever what the plantiff actually receives. That our moronic fellow citizens award numbers higher than they can count is usually taken into account by the judge, who knocks down the settlement to a reasonable sum. I'd be surprised if the guy got even a million above his medical costs.

(I know, it's still a million bucks right? Where's my lighter...)

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I smoke just to annoy you.

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Hey, my number of posts is 747! Just like the plane. At least it is until I post again. Then it'll be all fucked up.

Um...

Apparently 737 + 1 = 738. Not 747.

738? You're not at 738. Better take off your shoes and count again.

I tried. I got up to eight and ran out of toes. But ask your sister to come over. Then I can make it all the way up to twenty!

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Um...

Apparently 737 + 1 = 738. Not 747.

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http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=20919
20919

Far be it from me to question your god-given right to treat your own body as you see fit. But to turn around and whine about it when your actions have undesirable consequences? Fuck that.

On another note, this is the first comic I've written in a long time that I've really liked. Thanks, Gabe.

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On another note, this is the first comic I've written in a long time that I've really liked. Thanks, Gabe.

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Italicised bits are from LadyJ...
People drink alcohol in large quantities even though it's bad for them.
Alcohol makes you feel relaxed and happy. Sure, it has bad effects like being sick and having a hangover, but it's worth it, really. Severe biological damage is caused only by prolonged and persistent overuse.

People eat steak.
Steak tastes really good, and is extremely nutritious. It's few bad qualities are easily counteracted by trimming it of fat and grilling, rather than frying, it.

People skydive.
Haven't done this, but I want to, because it is a HUGE rush, and really quite safe if you stick with a reputable company with good safety standards. We haven't had a parachuting death in Australia for years, and thousands of Aussies do it for a hobby.

Cigarettes give you nothing except lightheadedness, due to oxygen starvation. They taste bad, smell bad, don't make you high, don't make you happy (unless you are already addicted, and then you NEED them in order to be happy), make your hair and clothes and mouth taste bad (that old ad campaign "kiss a non-smoker, enjoy the difference" was absolutely right) and, of course, damage your health to the point where they eventually kill you.

Alcohol only kills you if you have a helluva lot of it. Steak might eventually kill you if you leave the fat on and deep-fry it in walrus blubber before eating it. Parachuting only kills you if you do it incorrectly.

Sorry, but the analogy doesn't ring true.

Actually, nicotine improves performance on mental tasks. It's a stimulant. It feels great to smoke, especially when you're drinking. Stimulant + depressant = whole different drug. It also feels great when you're playing cards or cracking your head over some programming problem. Believe it or not, decent tobacco tastes good, too, especially with beer. But I quit because it stinks and it kills you, so it's not worth the fun.

When you don't understand someone else's pleasure, it's normal to think they're just stupid. But usually, there's a little more to it.

Oh, I forgot: Smoking irritates the throat and lungs, causing release of endorphins. Similar to "runner's high" without all that bothersome effort.

Just a few of the many dubious advantages of tobacco...

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Stimulant + depressant = whole different drug.

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Smoking gets the drug in quicker and with a higher peak. Very reinforcing. Anyone who smokes with beer knows just what I'm talking about. But yes, it's better not to get cancer, heart disease, or emphysema.

21015

But I do agree that the US has turned into the whiniest, suingest bunch of pansies on Earth.

im great!!

i dont eat at macdonalds or places such as ~
i dont have a car (i even resorted to one of those microscooters today to get to a mates fast, but i tell you they arent great when u got a bag, a bass, and a sweter hanging on yer back plus a fuucking hevvy amp in your hand)
i dont smoke
what else...

oh fuck it, i am satan

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im great!!

i dont eat at macdonalds or places such as ~
i dont have a car (i even resorted to one of those microscooters today to get to a mates fast, but i tell you they arent great when u got a bag, a bass, and a sweter hanging on yer back plus a fuucking hevvy amp in your hand)
i dont smoke
what else...

oh fuck it, i am satan

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Would you ride a Scooter to work if this was your place of work?!

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When you don't understand someone else's pleasure, it's normal to think they're just stupid. But usually, there's a little more to it.

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Oh, I forgot: Smoking irritates the throat and lungs, causing release of endorphins. Similar to "runner's high" without all that bothersome effort.

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I won't try to defend my "reasons" for starting to smoke. It was a bad idea, and I'll pay for it for the rest of my life.

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That's if you are stupid enough to drink and drive. It's not like smoking and driving can kill people. That's not really a valid comparison because smoking doesn't impair your ability to preform basic tasks (except breathe).

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However, thinking that what you don't understand is stupid is only normal because being narrow-minded and egotistical is normal.

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Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Oh, it's over already? Damn...

Don't worry, Dexx. You Aussies know how to get a fight going again. Just break a bottle over someone's head.

By the way, drinking beer is so stupid...

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By the way, drinking beer is so stupid...

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However, thinking that what you don't understand is stupid is only normal because being narrow-minded and egotistical is normal.

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More like universal, wouldn't you say?

For instance, let's say someone doesn't see what's funny about someone else's running jokes and so declares such jokes not clever, i.e., stupid.

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Odd, I was just talking about this with some friends last night. I don't know who manufactures the stunt bottles they have in the movies, but I can tell you this much. If you're ever in a bar fight, don't worry about breaking the bottle. Just use it to club the other person over the head. It ain't gonna break.

A while back I wanted to try doing the old 'break the bottle' thing and I smashed a longneck against the sharp corner on some cinder blocks and it just bounced off. I beat it several more times, getting progressively more violent until it final ended up shattering completely in my hand, leaving me with (like the women in the aforementioned story) a neck and a lot of glass pieces.

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Actually, nicotine improves performance on mental tasks. It's a stimulant. It feels great to smoke, especially when you're drinking. Stimulant + depressant = whole different drug. It also feels great when you're playing cards or cracking your head over some programming problem. Believe it or not, decent tobacco tastes good, too, especially with beer. But I quit because it stinks and it kills you, so it's not worth the fun.

When you don't understand someone else's pleasure, it's normal to think they're just stupid. But usually, there's a little more to it.

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There is a safe way to convert a beer bottle into a shiv by breaking it over a bar:

1. Always wear long sleeves, heavy gloves, and OSHA-approved eye protection.

2. Score the bottle with a glass cutter at the desired breaking point so that it does not break at the grip and cut the operator's hand.

3. Wrap the bottle in a rubber sheet so that there is no flying glass hazard.

4. Carefully dispose of the broken pieces.

5. Sweep up before proceeding to the next task (fighting).

Safe mayhem is fun mayhem!

When in college I asked a friend if I could christen his dorm room (I had an empty champaign bottle in hand - he should have known I was serious). He said yes and I smashed it against the mettle door frame. It sent a rainbow shower of fine glass pieces all over everyone and everything in the room.

I can't remember what I had been smoking at the time - this was 1978. It's plain to me today that I was being a dickfor. Kids... What are you going to do?

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I am not, "too good for the room". I am human like everyone else. Humans are great at pointing out flaws in others, and sucky at resolving them in themselves.

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Okay, 2 things.

1) I'm not a smoker, but I have smoked cigarettes before. The first time I smoked one, my head felt like it was 10 feet above the rest of my body. I believe my exact words were, "Holy fuck. No wonder people smoke." So, yes, it can get you high.

2) Gabe must be even more of a pansy than we thought. A friend of mine decided he wanted to see what happens when you whack a beer bottle against a table corner. He didn't inform us of this, of course. He just grabbed an empty bottle, and swung against the table. *SMASH* Of course, the bottle pretty much broke down to the neck. A bouncer came over wondering where the noise came from. We pointed over 3 tables, "I think over there." Then we left as they investigated. Friends are neat that way.

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I used to know a trick where you could break off the bottom disc of a beer bottle right at it's seal. If you look at most beer bottles, they have a seal on the bottom, where they sit.

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It has a walrus on the bottom...And I think it just might be the same one who ate boorite then shat him out again in time for this latest contest.

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That trick where you knock out the bottom of the bottle works great on unopened ketchup bottles. When you whack the metal cap, it deforms slightly, driving the air bubble to the bottom like a hammer. People don't believe it will work until you get them to do it, preferably at a crowded lunch counter. WHAP-- blorp.

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It has a walrus on the bottom...And I think it just might be the same one who ate boorite then shat him out again in time for this latest contest.

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I am that walrus. I am an egg man. Ku ku ca choo.

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