Exactly four Australian personalities are getting lots of TV play in the States: Crocodile Dundee, Crocodile Hunter, Shark Gordon, and Gordon Elliot. Three of these are named after animals that are basically mobile sets of teeth with cartilaginous brains just large enough to hold their only thought ("kill"), and two of them are named "Gordon." I find this mighty suspicious. If we start seeing "Crocodile Gordon" on TV, we can be sure Australia has developed into an alien hive mind, and we'll have to use our nerve gas satellites.

I mean the least sinister of these characters makes his living by barging into your house, raiding your fridge, and making fun of you. Imagine the carnage if this strain of Aussie culture crossed with the primitive-carnivore strain. We'd have shark-men and crocodile-boys and shit kicking our doors in and rending us alive while ridiculing us in comical accents. We should act now, before this happens.

Maybe other Lowpassers can shed light on what the fuck is up with Australia.

Maybe we should ask Lucy Lawless to paddle over and clean 'em out.

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Maybe we should ask Lucy Lawless to paddle over and clean 'em out.

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Maybe other Lowpassers can shed light on what the fuck is up with Australia.

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Maybe we should ask Lucy Lawless to paddle over and clean 'em out.

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I've got better ideas about what Lucy Lawless should be paddling.

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Exactly four Australian personalities are getting lots of TV play in the States: Crocodile Dundee, Crocodile Hunter, Shark Gordon, and Gordon Elliot. Three of these are named after animals that are basically mobile sets of teeth with cartilaginous brains just large enough to hold their only thought ("kill"), and two of them are named "Gordon." I find this mighty suspicious. If we start seeing "Crocodile Gordon" on TV, we can be sure Australia has developed into an alien hive mind, and we'll have to use our nerve gas satellites.

I mean the least sinister of these characters makes his living by barging into your house, raiding your fridge, and making fun of you. Imagine the carnage if this strain of Aussie culture crossed with the primitive-carnivore strain. We'd have shark-men and crocodile-boys and shit kicking our doors in and rending us alive while ridiculing us in comical accents. We should act now, before this happens.

Maybe other Lowpassers can shed light on what the fuck is up with Australia.

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I can't believe I am being accused of belonging to a malevolent hive mind by a citizen of the country that invented The Home Shopping Network. A clear case of the pot calling the fridge black...

Australia finally managed to disturb me. Earlier today, I saw an ad for an imported product from there. It's a hair remover... and it's called "Nads."

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Australia finally managed to disturb me. Earlier today, I saw an ad for an imported product from there. It's a hair remover... and it's called "Nads."

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Wait, I just remembered I saw that glop one other place: on site somewhere, a guy who saw how their ad said it was non-toxic tried eating some of it. Sadly, I don't remember the location of the site.

And the fact that there's a site called nads.com is sadly misleading.

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And the fact that there's a site called nads.com is sadly misleading.

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Just remember not to use Nads on your nads or it'll hurt like a motherfucker.

Yup, Nads is a hair remover. Did you know that people give you funny looks when you roll around on the floor laughing in the medicine-and-cosmetics aisle of a supermarket?

I had an online friend once, from Malaysia I think, whose name was Nadine. She liked to be called "Nad". I didn't have the heart to tell her.

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Yup, Nads is a hair remover. Did you know that people give you funny looks when you roll around on the floor laughing in the medicine-and-cosmetics aisle of a supermarket?

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Why didn't you tell the horny wombat that was tickling you to stop?

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Captain Obvious can suck my Nads. And I ain't talking about the hair removal product.

smeg is a good name for a cooker eh?

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I can't believe I am being accused of belonging to a malevolent hive mind by a citizen of the country that invented The Home Shopping Network. A clear case of the pot calling the fridge black...

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When I first saw the Nads infomercial two or so years ago, I could have sworn it was a joke... I thought that someone *had* to have just decided to do it as a gag. I just wonder if the people in those commercials were really so whitebred and sheltered that they honestly didn't know what the hell they were saying?

Oh wait, that was probably the whole point. Oh well... it was still surreal.