All comics by 80_MillionJESUSz

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Honey, What's for dinner?
How about a bowl of SHUT THE FUCK UP?!
Well... how about I bend you over the fucking bench and make your intestines bleed, bitch?!
Well... if you did that to me every night, we wouldn't have this problem, now would we?!
You heard me!

 

Wow, would you look at that ass?
Well as a feminist I have never been so insulted in my life.
Not you! That donkey over there.. You know... The one on fire!
Oh.
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

Howdy. What brings you to hell?
I lost my keys in the couch and this is where I ended up while looking for them.
Ah, You want our lost and found department! It's in Aisle 5, right before the "Acid in your Eyes and Lava in your Anus" section and right after the TV that constantly plays "Super Milk Chan".
Super Milk Chan?! You guys are demented! Saddistic! Keep those Keys! I don't need my car THAT much!

 

Caffeine is a bitch
You think Caffeine is a bitch? You should try Red Bowl! It's has Caffeine, Gensane... with a little bit a SPEED!
I suck dick for the stuff.
I sold my grandma on e-bay for a case.
Red Bowls: THIS SHIT WILL GET YOU HIGHER THAN HENDRIX MAN.
Who the fuck are you people?

 

So I said, "Those speculums ain't gonna open 'er vagina and anus up like a welfare check ... by themselves!"
Ha Ha!
... We make a great team!
Like Amos and Andy.

 

"Well, if you'd just read the damn directions!"
Oh so now it's my fault?!
It was your fault to begin with!!
Maybe you have seen the sign with "Danger:Tony Danza" written in blood.
Well maybe if we are absolutely still he won't see us.
ANGELA!

 

What's up with you Carl?
I've told you a thousand times, Eddy. There's a damn Juggalo locked in my bathroom.
Ok... but why did you remove his left shoe and underwear?
Because... That's the Juggalos source of power. He's like... Samson or something.
You're stoned out of your mind aren't you?
High?! You're the one inside of a large chicken egg...

 

I don't think this kind of obbsession is healthy.
I cant help it, don't you understand melted butter is my life!
Which MIGHT have been acceptable till you used it as lubricant to jack off on you eight year old daughter with.
What is it wrong to have fetishes?
Leather? That's alright. Bondage? Okay. Furries? Shakey ground, but harmless. Melted Butter Pedophilia? No

 

Ha! Good thing that little 'adventure' is over with.
Yeah, I never would have believed it would have taken so long.
What did you expect?
Well, I didn't expect to be drinking turpentine with Burt Reynolds... That's for sure!
Burt Reynolds? I thought that was Stalin...
Does Stalin put on army helmets and run into walls, I think not!

 

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Dude thats my grandma.
Oh.
Did you put it in her ass?
THIS IS HER FUNERAL ASS.

 

Why do you have all these naked pictures of Hugo Weaving?
Gaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.. What the?! Are you okay, Sven?
Maybe.
I don't think going Garrrrr and looking at Hugo Weaving naked qualifies as 'Okay'.
Who are you again?

 

Last time on.. SOMETHING!
I don't think going Garrrrr and looking at Hugo Weaving naked qualifies as 'Okay'.
Who are you again?
We know return to it.. In progress!
... ... ... Hugo Weaving.

 

So a guy walk into a bar.
Did it hurt?
I fucking hate you.

 

HAPPY ABE VIGODA DAY!
... Oh no! I forgot the catfish tacos and the pop-sickles!
YOU IDIOT!!
Shit! Does this mean...
Yes, you doomed Abe Vigoda to death by fiery Diarehea!

 

Did you know Harland Williams was the piss drinking cop in "Dumb and Dumber?
Why in the hell would he be in Dumb and Dumber?
Uh stop this right here. Do you seriously just wanna talk about random celebrities until we die?
...Well, socio-political comedy used to be my schtick, but no one was laughing.
And all I had was offensive and "what the fuck?" humor.
Well... at least we aren't CHUBBY.

 

Seriously why have no other users thought of doing this?
Maybe because they're more creative than us? ...Or more talented?
I am gonna say a little bit of both.
Wow, we can't even think of a punchline.

 

Set rape laser to "rape".
Captain! My Rape lasers seems stuck on "Mild Sexual Harrasment!
Thats nothing my other one was permanantly stuck on "Violate nearest senior citizen"
Wait! I think I got it fi--- No. Never mind. It's now stuck on "Michel Jackson."
Well than lets play with a slinky.
NEVER! A slinky raped my mother!!

 

later at ELIS new c-strip
sup new c-strip
why
no maby come on i am a dume squirrel.
and i am blue right what ever your game is i am not playing.
man you are blue.
ha what are you calling me blind hmm i did not know that.

 

Boinky33 rules!
Bfft. Boinky33 SUCKS. Richard Dean Anderson rules. Who else can fight of Egyptian aliens by combining items you find lying around the house?
Boinky33.
Oh yeah? I.. Um... I bet he isn't the producer of successful basic cable TV show!!!
Yes he is! He's also the Queen of Canada.
STELLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

by 80_MillionJESUSz
11-30-05
...and now the pragmatic bullshit starts.
What are you talking about your mother!
My name is not 'Your Mother!' I told you've that a thousand times!
Have you really told me a thousand times? It feels like we have only known each other for seconds.
... ... We really need to stop visting eachother inside of the fracture within the space-time continuum.
Agreed. How bout we just go out for pizza next time, it would probably be a lot simpler and we wouldn't have to suck father time's cock.

 

by 80_MillionJESUSz
12-01-05
How can I help you?
Do you carry extra large condoms?
No, we don't.
Why not?
You're inside a bookstore; a CHRISTAIN bookstore.
This isn't a BDSM store?! Then what's up with the smiling guy hanging from the two-by-fours?

 

by 80_MillionJESUSz
12-01-05
I guess it not all that bad you got an abortion
Well, you do have a point. I'd probably just murder it after I gave birth anyway.
it was the child of Jaleel White after all

 

So this is the new internet, huh?
transporting things at the speed of light directly into your living room
Well... That's what my friends was calling it.. "The New Internet"
your friend is stupid, you're stupid
Pfft. I'm stupid? You're the one that's arguing to a plant!
well at least I dont write for US weekly

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