All comics by Bastaard

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by Bastaard
5-25-03
Another day without an www.lamerkatz.com update.....
Says here that DarkNova is not going to update his site and if you would stop sending him dead kittens to his house. It doesnt work.....
ffs, what does it take to get that guy to update his site again..... I mean, we've been waiting so fscking long!!!
Dewd, i told you before and i'll say it again. He's been busy with school and he just can't find the time to update. You know how that stuff goes.....
jfc, you call that an excuse?
actually, now i think of it, it isnt.......
damn straight, and if you wouldnt mind, i would like to finish my dump..... and bring some toiletpaper while you're at it.

 

by Bastaard
5-25-03
Dewd, we need to talk......
Does it have to be now? I mean, come on. I have a q3a RA3 match in 10 minutes and i havent found the server yet.
Its eh... its about the bandwith.
OMG! Dont tell me..... E3?
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Yup, 1 Half Life 2 movie, 111 meg, 1 doom 3 movie 69 meg..... you better reschedule.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
y0
'sup
I had this weird dream that you were in Hell and you were abusing the devil's bandwith.
Hahahaha, dewd. That cannot be.
Why not....
I DoSsed his sorry ass 2 months ago, mUh4h4h4h4h4h4

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
Forgive 'em father, they do not know what they're doing.
Soooo, why dont you tell me what happened, sir.
Well, i'm just here minding my own business and all of the sudden these priests come and tie me up here and.....
No, we want to know the part when you decided to park here.
scuse me?
AND no seatbelts.... Would you mind getting off the vehicle sir. We want to do a little breathalizer test.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
GET BACK ON THE SERVER, I WANNA REMATCH
dewd, there's no point. I'll beat you again and again and again. And you know it
If you didnt shaft me as much as you jack off, i might still have a chance
Jeez dewd, shaft is pretty normal in RA these days. We're not in 2000 anymore.
i hate it when you do that. You dont see me rape you with plasma or shaft, do you?
Well, i dont like the fact you pull the netword cord and blame the PL for losing, but do as i do.... deal with it. Wanna play some BF1942 - DC? I ownz j00 in the helicopter.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
no!no!no!no!no!no!no!no!no!no!no!
wtf are you doing.
Im protesting against the violence of the games these days. Havent you played Postal 2 yet?
Actually, i did. Didnt think it was that brutal though. I mean, the artist would say it is 'Art'
*eep*
Good job, Dippy. Now start working on Postal 3 and we can retire and you'll get your free banana.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
... So i started to do trickjumping so i can dodge rockets faster in q3a ra3
OMG, trickjumping is sooo lame.
So you would say that you could do without?
I sure fscking can! I mean, the game's called Quake 3 Arena, you're supposed to be killing/fragging people to score, not jump around like astmatic little bunnies.
.....
You and me, 1v1 ra3 ra3map1, a2, NOW.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
There, Duz didnt see me climb the rocks behind the enemy base and it seems they're moving out to take the spawnpoint to the west. Now's my chance. Ok, here goes...
Mind if i watch?
Hey Min. Yah sure, just dont say anything, K? I'm going to sniper Duz from this cliff right here.
Yaaay!
Duz[DC] killed Roi[DC] with TabukSniper
I told you that microphone in Min's sweater could come in handy
Yup, let me know what his next move is in time. I'm going to steal a helicopter from their base.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
Tried Enter the Matrix yet?
Yeah, and just as i suspected, its an overhyped irritating game with an outdated engine and bad storyline.
Come on, its on 4 cd's. You mean that there's no good story in it?
The movieclips dont make up for the lack of gameplay. and the bullet time in games has been done before. The hacking bit was a BIG letdown.
Supposedly, if you fail the hacking bit, terrible things happen to your pooter.
Why are all my pr0n fl1cs replaced with Terry Prachett books on pdf?

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
SLAVE!
yes master?
Go check on Luuz, she's been too quiet and i'm slowly sensing a disturbance in the ping.
Right away sir.
its worse than i thought
Soon, all the Sims on the Internet will bow down for my Sim Superstar!

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
'sup?
You got to talk to Luuz. She's losing it.
whaddayamean
She got that new Sims game and she's hogging bandwith to become a superstar.
Cool, i'll go right over!
Somehow i think this is not going to work out.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
'sup?
I heard you got that new Sims game. The guys are moaning about you using too much bandwith.
Gawd, i wish they'd stop moping about that. Especially because i pay for the damn cable connection anyway!
Still, you might want to cool it for a couple of hours. You know, bandwith is their Deity.
Meanwhile in Afghanistan.
pardonne moi?
WE WANT YOU TO FLY A PLANE INTO LUUZ' HOUSE! WHAT PART DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?!

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
You actually want to do this dewd?
Yes. My mind is made up. The b10tcH n33d5 t0 b3 t4u9ht 4 l3ss0n
So you're going to h4x0r her b0x0r?
Damn straight. She wont know what'll hit her.
i go and get the DSL order form now
ping timeout?!!?!? WTF happened! Who told her where i hid the key for the switchbox!?

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
... So you pulled the plug?
Yah, he was trying to install VNC through an email.
Wanna go to the mall? I heard X2 - The Threat is going to come out.
Sure, i'll let this HL2 movie download for a while. Otherwise, the cable company would spot the download anomaly too soon.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
So you got DSL now, eh.
Damn Straight. I'm through sharing bandwith with Luuz. Time for some serious DSL action. Wanna play a game of Freelancer?
Sure thing, but you may run into trouble
whaddayamean, my 750k ship armed with all level 10 guns can take anyone out.
3 error messages later.
Go over there and show em what i think of "Your account has the wrong IP"
Yes sir. Can i bring the chainsaw?

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
* 17inchofrawpowerpeniston logged on.
Heheh, AOL messenger is sooo cool.
=> BritneyMikkaGurl12: a/s/l?
You get the most weird convo's from these people.....
crap....
Too bad most of em are FBI agents.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
We've got to find new means of deceiving these kids.
All the free AOL cd's and Olsen twins nude pics arent cutting it anymore
ow wait, someone's coming
AOL? Jeez Roi, there's a thing called IRC these days.... i'll just configure it for him, he can thank me later.
Oh no! The voices are gone!
Hmmm, "You have been invited to #sweaty-teen-sex-with-various-kitchen-appliances...." maybe this was the break i was looking for.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
*** DCC REQUEST: Jdd838c8basd wants to send you MIRC.INI
wtf?
What the heck is this. What happened to my AOL messenger?!!?!
Hey Roi, i replaced it with mIrc. Welcome to the next step in evolution.
*** You joined #sex. ___[Scruffer] A/S/L?? [Rorschach] Roi, u h0t? ----------- [ExitDust] wanna cyberfuck?
Stepped from what timeline exactly?

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
When first joining IRC.....
Jeez, this IRC is hard getting used to.
dont forget....
*** You have been kicked off #chatmonkeh: OMGLOL!!!111111 is NOT a proper word
They are not as retarded as AOL users.
WTFOMGJFC!!!!111111oneoneone

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
So you installed irc on roi's machine and now he's pissed?
Yah, seems he gets kicked off everywhere. It's his spelling, tho. Its hideous.
Well, thats not really your fault, is it....
True, but he sure can hold a grudge... Why dont you meet with him online tonight and help me show him the ropes.
get out.....
Sorry.......

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
ahhhh quake.... there is no game quite like it. The tricks, the frags, the jumps, the speed....
...the lamers, the n00bs, the packetloss, the punkbuster
I thought you invented punkbuster.....
I did, but..... she left me for valve's sourcecode.....
dewd, thats sad. Ahwell, cheer up, there's always the daikatana fuckup, it cannot get any worse than that.
You bring that up one more time and i'll start publishing those pics of you dressed up as your character back when you were playing Ultima Online.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
2% [>____________ ] 16,227,487 8.56K/s ETA 18:25:48
Ahw man, this is gonna take forever to download
Lets see who's hoggin the bandwith today.
what does excess flood mean? and why does it only happen when i use the drawings in my mirc script.
looks like i can clear out the firewall logs tonight

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
Timeline: around the year 1492.
Ahhh, the lord will find His followers here in this new world.
Welcome to Vengengingy.
All these natives must be taught about the Lord Almighty and His divine plan.
Are you listening to me?
We shall call this land Amorica!
Thats it, i'm getting my bow and arrow.

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
OMFG, shaft pisses me off.
what happened to the good old days when we could just try to kill eachother with only rocket or rail or both.......
i guess those days are finally over now. Maybe this is a good time to start trying ut2k3. I had it with the fagg0t cumgun.
INSTALLING UNREAL TOURNAMENT 2003. 45% OF 100% DONE..........
Jeez, they werent kidding about the hardware specs.... and that during the install..... sheesh...

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
Hey Roi, wanna play some NWN with Luuz and me later?
i'll need to reinstall the game again and start from scratch. Hope you guys dont mind
wtf? I though you bought a new hard drive.
i had to bring it back. I needed the cash. so i could get GTA3-VC for the pc
no...way....
Soon all those fancy cars there will be mine, ALL MINE!

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
*** Roi joined #lamerkatz. [Roi]:'sup guys.
[Duz]: nothing much, wanna see a movie tonight? Luuz is here to ask if we want to see Just Married.
[Roi]:Sure. Could be fun. :)
Mental note: "Bring the GBA and link cable"

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
@ teh movees
pssst dewd, did you bring your gba?
duh?, i got the lights with me as well....
kewl, hook em up, so we can play mario kart.
sure, where's the cable
I already hooked it up, dewd..... err uh ow...
OK, WHAT MORON STUCK A USB CABLE IN MY EAR!

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
I can't believe you guys did that.
Heey, if you girls chose to see the matrix Reloaded again, we didnt have to bring the gba's in the first place.
You know you are in BIG trouble now. Luuz doesnt like things being stuck in her ear.
What the heck is she going to do then.
Sub7 now activated 3000 machines to CTCP SYN 198.81.129.100
Yessssss packets, Where there's syn, there must be ack!

 

by Bastaard
5-26-03
sup dewd.
I found my copy of Sam n Max hit the Road under a pile of pr0n mags
So you're playing it again, eh.
Well, i'm just playing the sea battle game for now. I dont wanna strain my brain too much.
just 1 whack could do it.....
F3? Naahhww, he totalled my taxi!

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
91v3 m3 mY c45h b10tCh. 1 0wnZ j00 t4x1c0mp4nY. T1m3 t0 t34cH th3s3 h41t14n5 a l3550n
Still playing GTA3-VC?
Yeah, i'm just about to do the roof jumping mission for the pr0nm0v13
arent you supposed to STAY on the roofs?
1 hour and 75 roof crashes later.
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!
good, i'll load up the NWN server, meet me in 5 minutes.

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
On the Neverwinter Nights server.
I'm sure i saw a chest somewhere around here.
i'm holding TAB and i dont see anything. Are you sure?
Dont defy my ultimate witch power. I know it to be true.
blablabla "i find your lack of faith disturbing" lalala
will you just stfu and help me out over at those bushes?
I still dont know why you chose to be a witch, roi. Female hormone overload?

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
Ok, lets see if this spell can open the door here.
I dont think thats a good idea. It says here that it will unlock the pandora's box of demons.
PREPARE FOR ULTIMATE DAMNATION! ME AND MY MINIONS WILL ENSLAVE YOU ALL!
errr, wtf?
PLAYER ROI DROPPED. PING TIMEOUT.
Oh great, time to install that bluetooth module in the cable puller's box

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
STOP TAKING THE @($@)^@^ HELICOPTERS
watcha playing.
BF1942 - DC mod. Those stupid players keep taking the helicopters and crashing them into the mountains. I hate it when they dont let the experienced players fly. Stupid fscking AI.
Huh, that player was moving towars that tank and now it turned around and its taking the helicopter again. wtf?
Whahaha, requesting a pickup! Requesting a pickup!!!!! WHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAH

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
I dont know what happened back there. I just lost the connection. Maybe my network card is broken or som....
Quit it, you pulled the cable again. Why dont you just stick around and face the peril.
What the hell is that supposed to mean. You think i get scared that easy?
Yeah and dont forget to mention that you rather run like a shreeking cheerleader than face the music.
What a load of bulls....
Come back when you finish Resident Evil 2 by yourself with the lights turned off............ And oh, i gained 20.000 exp on those monsters .............. ass

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
Oh my, what beautiful weather.
I should go outside and enjoy the sun and all.....
.... but outside is where the bears are, so i better visit www.outside.com

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
mawari o miwataseba dare mo ga awatadashiku doko ka ashibaya ni toorisugiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
wtf are you smoking this time and what pig died on your PC.
I downloaded some Ayumi Hamasaki music a couple of days back. This japanese popmusic is great!
You cant make a word of what she's singing, dewd.
Who cares... check this out: http://www.avexnet.or.jp/ayu/.........
oooohhhh, lemme get an empty CD.

 

by Bastaard
5-27-03
... according to the prime minister of Turkey, the whole thing was thought of and worked out in a period of 5 years.
"5 years ago, we started to send people abroad marked as fugitives."
Therefore, having everybody in a different country, we can easily win all the televotes for the Euro Song festival!"
"..And this is just phase 1 of our 20 steps plan on world domination. Ph34r u5!"
Dewd, this is soooo bad.
I know, I'm way ahead of you. I'm in the pentagon systems now changing every occurance of "Siria" with "Turkey" now.

 

by Bastaard
5-28-03
*clicketyclick* READ A:\PASSWD.TXT
What the hell are you doing?
I'm trying to h4x0r the matrix... It's funny crap. Hollywood OS galore, man. *ENTER ROOT PASSWORD* *THISISNOTREAL*
jeez dewd, this looks sooo lame. Why can't hollywood put a bit more realism to this.
Meanwhile in the server room.
root:# *** Root login succesfull from 64.12.47.243 WALL RECEIVED FROM ROOT: ....... hello neo....
WHO'S BEEN MESSING AROUND WITH ENTER THE MATRIX AGAIN!? I REFUSE TO KEEP RESETTING THE ROOT PASS EVERY FUCKING MINUTE!!!!

 

by Bastaard
5-28-03
[p1xel]: sup guys. any1 up for a game of quake?
[Duz]: Downloading Ragnarok atm, maybe later dewd.
I'm trying to get this eggdrop to link to my botnet. I'll hook up later. mkay?
[p1xel]: wtf is wrong with you guys. Come on, dont be so damn scared.
....guess they are too busy.. ahwell, i'll just start NWN and play with the girls..... *sigh*
nobody ever asks me anymore.....

 

by Bastaard
5-30-03
Todays strip is about me breaking up with the mother of my child.
Thanks for fucking up my life, Caro.

 

by Bastaard
6-02-03
So you guys broke up now?
Yeah, finally.....
How do you mean, finally.
I finally can go on with my life and do all the stuff i did 5 years ago.
Arent you a bit too old to play Gobliiins again?
I CANT HEAR YOU!!!!!

 

by Bastaard
6-02-03
Loading: http://www.singlescrowd.com
Maybe i should look around or something......... Its not like the babes are waiting in a single line in front of my house.
Found 1 match! Loading profile [######__________]
c00l!!! I thought no-one would fit my profile!!
WHOA! Look, mdsrprosj992, someone is looking at my profile on singlescrowd!!

 

by Bastaard
6-03-03
Heya Roi, whacha playing.
Ghost Master. Just got it yesterday.
So whats the point to this game.
You need to put some ghosts in a house and haunt the occupants, which in turn generate more power for you to use more ghosts. And there's other ghosts already trapped which you can help and set free.
It looks like the sims.
IT IS NOT THE SIMS!!!!

 

by Bastaard
6-17-03
I still dont know what you have against my car.
Well, its easy.
You drive a peugeot 206.... I drive a Ford Focus
....so?
I ownz j00 in Colin McRae Rally 3

 

by Bastaard
6-21-03
Dewd, have you been messing on IRC again?
What? You need '.help'
....
What? You need '.help'
.die YOU SUCK !
DAMMIT!

 

by Bastaard
8-15-03
sooooooo
eep?
what about those lakers, eh?
ook?
finally back after months of inactivity and still no idea what to create.... i'm pathetic o_0
fuck this, i'm going home
aak?

 

by Bastaard
8-19-03
what are you up to today?
downloading the new Muse album. It got leaked last night and i found it.
and you're using kazaa.... dewd, you're not smart are you.
ofcourse i am! I'm using the icq number of my parents as login name. Who could suspect a lovely couple like my parents.
.... your mom would be so proud
and filthy rich when she finds out that i just entered her credit card number in the million dollar price sweepstake here. *click*

 

by Bastaard
8-22-03
dewd, you gotta see this, this is pretty messed up.
why, i got plenty to worry about as it is.
will you just come with me and see for yourself, please?
*sigh* guess so.....
lame joke, i know.
HARR, ALL YOUR FILES ARE APPLES TO ME HAAARRRRRRR
omg, its the Virus of the Carribean.

 

by Bastaard
8-25-03
What up?
I'm telling you man, these french chicks are weird.
why's that?
This woman just drove on and on about me not driving fast enough.
did you tell em that you own their peugeots in colin mcrae rally 3?
Yeah, but she said she pwn my focus easily if i'd use an xbox, i'm telling you man! These chicks are weird!!?!

 

by Bastaard
8-26-03
Hey, did you try Tron 2.0 yet?
Yeah, didnt like it that much.
You get to go into the 'computer world' and wield the 'deadly disc', but its the first basic weapon you get, you get lasers and guns next. When you bust your ammo, you can use the disc again.
blocking incoming shots is pre-emptive guesswork, because when you see someone throw something at you, you're too late to dodge or block at all.
You just fall of the maps again, did you
shut up, i'm trying this lip trick in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 and i can't use the distraction.

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