All comics by Bogart

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by Bogart
11-13-01
So this is stripcreator. Nice place you have here.
5 dolla! I tell you joke!
Really? Her you go. Let me have it.
What is red and white and black all over?
A nun with a spear through her head?
No! You dick afta we make punyabi togetha! You one sick guy!

 

by Bogart
11-13-01
*click*
*click*
Gotta lay off the nachos after 10:30.

 

by Bogart
11-13-01
Post Nasal Drip. For some it is living hell. But now there is relief. New Fall Out will clear your sinuses fast.
Side effects include death, decapitation and dry-mouth. People with a will to live should see a doctor first.
I wonder how it works on colds...
Use only as directed.

 

by Bogart
11-14-01
Old man... I've come all this way to find you. I am told you can reveal to me the meaning of life.
Maybe. But first you must pass this test. In my dark barn await two willing young ladies. Go in and court the one of you choosing then report back to me.
THAT WAS FABULOUS! Who gives a shit about the meaning of life!
You have learned much, young man. By the way, I hope you cleaned up my donkey afterwards.

 

by Bogart
11-14-01
cluck cluck cluck
CLYYYYUUUUCK
he he he he he he
Excuse me, but if you're going to do that could you warm up your hand first?

 

by Bogart
11-15-01
Robin and Richard were two pretty men. They lay in bed till the clock struck ten.
Then up starts Robin and looks at the sky.
Oh, brother Richard, the sun's very high! You go before, with the "bottle and bag..."
...and I will come after on "little Jack Nag."
Oh no you don't! You turn around and let me get on your little jack nag for a change!

 

by Bogart
11-20-01
Wash
Rinse
Spin Dry
And we' still datty hos!
Yep! 5 dolla will plove it!

 

by Bogart
11-20-01
Damn, I'm hot!
Got THAT right!

 

by Bogart
11-20-01
Tell me a story, daddy!
Sure honey, but then it really IS time for bed.
In_the_beginning_I_had dreams of going to college and living the good life. But I didn't have any precise goal in mind - I didn't know what I actually wanted to do...
Okay, daddy... cut to the chase already!
Then when I turned 35 I suddenly sat up and said, “what the hell have I been doing with my life!??!” errr... What was I talkin’ about?

 

by Bogart
11-23-01
HIIIIIIII....
.......IIIIIIIIIIIII....
.......IIIIIIIIIIIII.... Ouch.

 

by Bogart
11-23-01
TAXI!
Where to, mac?
Any world will do.
Welcome to Sodomizagoat! May I show you around?
TAXI!

 

by Bogart
11-24-01
Why did I agree to this date?
Wow! You look great! Shall we go? Harry Potter starts in like, 20 minutes.
Harry Potter? You know, my nephew has been wanting to see that and if I go first there is sure to be trouble. Would you mind taking him instead?

 

by Bogart
11-24-01
This isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Except that kid next to me keeps slipping his hand up my skirt. How many times do I have to push it away?
I might as well let him go for it this time. Hell get there and not have a clue as to what to do and then I'llllll --- lllm mmm hmmmm ohhhh... ohhhh... JEBUS_this_kid's_got_tallent!

 

by Bogart
11-24-01
You got my attention kid! Do you have a plan?
You're the one with the driver’s license and, I hope, a fridge with beer in it. Lead the way.
*groan* Now I know the meaning of Sorcerer’s Stones! *sigh*
Yeah, and you weren't half bad for an old lady. Ready for another go? I gotta be home by 6:30.

 

by Bogart
11-24-01
*pant* *pant* *gasp*
That was great! Say do you feel alright - you look flushed.

 

by Bogart
11-24-01
How embarassing. I spent 3 minutes with this guy on our date! I hope he doeesn't ask me anything about the movie...
I wonder if she'll ask me up to her place?
Great flick, eh? Which character did you like the most?
Let's go upstairs. I'll do anything you want.
Wow! She really did like the movie!

 

by Bogart
11-26-01
Thanks for bringing this "favorites" notion to my attention Mr. wirthling, sir. I've added the ones I've read and liked so far.
No trouble Newbie.
But I would prefer that you not shit down my neck. Ha ha... ha ha ha...
Ha ha...
Which reminds me, what happened to your...
Don't ask.

 

by Bogart
11-26-01
*tap tap*
YIKES!
He he he he
CRIPES Cthulhu! I nearly crapped a brick! Don't ever do that again!
*tap tap*
Now what?

 

by Bogart
11-26-01
I spy with my little eye something that is bleeding.
Is it mother?
RIGHT! Your turn!
I spy with my little eye something that...
Well......... crap.

 

by Bogart
11-27-01
As Satan is my witness. I will not let you down oh bastion of freedom. Let sodomites raise their rumps and couragously take_one_for_the_cause! We will prevail!
You will be free! We will not let this terrorist, God, ruin our lives!
Ohhhh... He's good. I wish I had voted for him. If he wins he can have me for free, I swear!
I'll give him every buttplug in this box if only he'll save this world from God!
He better be good. I got money on that bastard!

 

by Bogart
11-29-01
Can't ANYONE tell me the meaning of Christmas?!?
No, but I can make you forget all about it.
Damn it! I used to know...
IT MEAN GIVING TILL IT HURTS! TOBOR CLAUS WANT YOU!
Oopsie... maybe I shouldn't have pissed on the tree.

 

by Bogart
11-29-01
OH HOLY RUMP, YOUR SPHINKTER BRIGHTLY SHIIIIINING!
FAAAAAAAL ON YOUR KNEEEEEES! OH HEAR THE HYDROOOOOLICS!
AHHHHHHH!

 

by Bogart
11-29-01
*sniff*
*sniff* *sniff*
What have those elves been feeding you?
You think you got it bad? Dasher has his nose up my ass the whole trip!

 

by Bogart
11-29-01
They got 8 inches of snow up by Bogart's house the other day.
Heh...
Heh... heh heh...
Heh hee heh... heh...
8 inches...
Heh...

 

by Bogart
11-30-01
Jason, I get the feeling you have a fear of commitment. We never cuddle.
Bernice, we're fish. You lay eggs on the rocks and weeds and I rub my belly on them until I blow jiz. WHAT'S TO CUDDLE?!?

 

by Bogart
12-01-01
So I said, "What's to cuddle?" She just flipped fin and swam off. I mean what does she want from me?
You know, it can add a lot to a relationship to show occasional tenderness. It takes so little...
I should have known better than to spill my guts to a flesh-licking mammal. The way you molly coddle your kids makes me sick.
That reminds me. The missus asked me to pick up a bit of red fish for dinner tonight. You don't have plans do you?
So.... a little tenderness you say. Uh... very wise... I better give it some thought. Well... gotta go!
At least tell me where you spawn! You said yourself all those kids are a pain!

 

by Bogart
12-01-01
Go right on it. The doctor will see you now.
Thanks, sweetheart.
Hey doc. It's about Bernice. She's goin' over the top with this intimacy thing.
Say no more. Bernice is a sensitive fish. Bring her by tomorrow around noon and I'll give her a session with Gill.
Gill? That shark masseuse you hired?
An hour with that big boy and she'll forget all about being intimate with you.

 

by Bogart
12-01-01
Ho
Ho
Ho

 

by Bogart
12-01-01
Nice work shifting the fat man out of here. Now lets get busy building this monopoly. What are the numbers on Hanukah and Kwanzaa?
Pathetic sir.
Wait a minute! Isn't the Solstice the original winter calibration that’s making a modern day comeback? Are you telling me that it's been 2000 years and you still_haven't_crushed_that_one?
Sir! I can explain!
Axed after all these years! What am I going to tell the wife and kids?

 

by Bogart
12-02-01
You must be Bogart.
What? Oh... So you're Alice. Nice to meet you.
He's younger than I was told.
I thought Jack said she was in 8th grade, same as me! She must be in high school already!
Is he just going to stand there admiring my rack all night?
Condom... condom... I hope I still have that one I swiped from my father last New Years.

 

by Bogart
12-02-01
I've been looking forward to this movie! Oh look, here come some of my friends!
Damn! Now she'll spend the movie talking with them!
Hi there!... uh... Are you baby sitting or something?
It's a mercy date for a friend. Long story. Where are you sitting? Let's go.

 

by Bogart
12-02-01
I can't believe she ditched me.
Me either. She's got a lot of nerve. So... what are you gonna do now?
Who are you?
Janet. My older brother built a treehouse and now he's gone. You wanna go there?
Follow me.
...

 

by Bogart
12-02-01
No one will find us here.
Yeah this is cool. So why did we...
You were saying?
Condom... condom... I hope I still have that one I swiped from my father last New Years.

 

by Bogart
12-03-01
mmphl!
Yeah that little red bitch was just dying for a rub on my rows of teeth, let me tell you! Sooner or later they all come to Gill.
mphlph glphmmm mmm mmph?
What? Oh... sure I'm gonna eat you. But I just had to tell someone about that before I went back to work.
So... do you think I should bite her next time or just let her keep coming in for appointments?

 

by Bogart
12-03-01
Golly Handgolf, how can a little hobbit make such a difference?
Well Scroto, there are mysteries... that is to say...
Yes?
It's that ring, see... You just gotta...
Yes yes?
Auh fuck it. Get over here you little flat headed sprite! I'm gonna rest my beer on yer mellon while you lick my staff!

 

by Bogart
12-04-01
So I said, "Another asiangirl comic is about to generated itself."
Ha Ha Ha!
Do I say sucky sucky now?

 

by Bogart
12-04-01
On the farm...
So I said, "Those rusty combines ain't gonna..." uh...
Ha ha...
What was I talkin' about?

 

by Bogart
12-05-01
For the ordinary man is passive. Within a narrow circle he feels himself master of his fate.
Big brother is watching.
Fine by me. Kinda adds a kink to the same old same old. Now turn around.
but against major events he is as helpless as against the elements.
Thank god that's over.
Authorities now have custody of the hijackers who earlier began killing_hostages_aboard a Kuwaiti jetliner.
So far from endeavouring to influence the future, he simply lies down and lets things happen to him.
Waving this flag isn't helping me feel better.
Shh! Just keep watching CNN and everything will be okay.

 

by Bogart
12-05-01
The Pentagon is hard at work developing a more potent strain of anthrax.
It's not as bad as it sounds.
Cold Snowman is shitting you. How much white powder do we need?
The CIA's relentless campaign to sanitize its history and whitewash its image is going full throttle.
Think of the jobs this will create. Jingle writers and ad agencies will love this!
How about, "The CIA - Getting to Know You?"
The Attorney General is going for broke in his fight against civil liberty.
What's the hassle? Can't I score a hit in peace?
I have no trouble with that - hell, my boys imported it. Just don’t speak out against the oil-war or any other GOP cause if you don’t want to face a military tribunal!

 

by Bogart
12-06-01
Driver's license? Better ask the last donut sniffer that pulled me over. He got in a big snit and wouldn't give it back.
Can you look in my car? Sure, but don't tip the frizbee over on the front seat. I just finished cleaning out the seeds and stems.
I've got a great idea! Why don't you consolidate this ticket with all my other past due tickets. My glove box is getting crowded.

 

by Bogart
12-07-01
o/' Onward Christian soldiers o/'
Gimmy some cash, man. I'm short for my next "Maddog."
Gosh... what to do? Jesus helped the poor, but your body is a temple, and god helps those who help themselves...
Did I mention I'm Jewish?
Why didn't you say so! Here's my wallet - the ATM pin # is 7734.
That's right Christ-boy! Fork it over or suffer the wrath of a vengeful god! That Old Testament bi-polar mother fucker gonna come down on yer ass!

 

by Bogart
12-09-01
I'm rich and famous! I'll pay anything if you will help me. My name is Robin Leech - maybe you've heard of me.
A shark and a Leech in one panel. Isn't that a bit redundant? And what are you doing in your pajamas?
I was attacked at night? Please! Can't you lift me to the surface?
Without hands? What do you suggest, telekinesis? Besides, why throw away a free meal?
And for once Robin is speechless.
ulp...
I love it when they secrete fear like this.

 

by Bogart
12-12-01
TOBOR JUST GET BACK FROM LONG DAY!
Of doing what, may I ask?
CORNHOLING! OF BENDING OVER HUMANS AND VIOLATING THEIR... THEIR...
Rectum?
YOU BETCHA!

 

by Bogart
12-18-01
00011 110001 01001 "001001 001 110010 010 1000110 0110101 0101 01!"
110 110 110!
0000 000 0000 000 000 0000000 00000?

 

by Bogart
12-18-01
Yes?
I'm here to bury the hatchet. Come on, I'll buy you a drink!
Of course! let me just grab my coat.

 

by Bogart
12-31-01
*cough* DAMN! I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here!
No way, sweet lungs. You know you want me, so give me a suck!
No... Please! you know I'm weak... Please don't do this.
Ain't nothin to do, bitch. Just wrap your fingers around it, pull it up to your lips and suck.
He's right. Nothing to it. *cough*
Ohhhh yeah.... She'll be back for more.

 

by Bogart
12-31-01
Say bitch! No money for you just sucky! You know you wanna!
Okay.
Hey! Not so hard! You're hot-boxin' me!
*cough* smooth.
That hurt.

 

by Bogart
12-31-01
Okay kid, it's 8:00. Time for bed.
NO! Don't wanna! Sing Puff again!
But we already did that a thousand times. Couldn't I just rip off all my skin and make a nice cozy hammock out of it for you instead?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. NO!
o/` Puff the magic dragon... o/`
You're flat.

 

by Bogart
1-01-02
A dank, sad nap. Eels sleep and ask nada.
Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?
2002
2002
Rise to vote, sir!

 

by Bogart
1-05-02
I woulder what happens when I pull one of these nipple-rings...
Did you hear about Spankling? He has the distinction of being the first man to ignite himself with his own gas.
Figures. Anyone that thinks that the coexistence of two SC personas can be pulled off was bound for an embarrassing end.
That should teach that cuntspanker!

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