All comics by DarthBudzy

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by DarthBudzy
10-15-03
Afternoon, Our Lady of Rectal Intrusion Church. . .
Thank you, lord, for the smooth, flawless skin of prepubescent boys. . .
All right, Father McFeely, we've been getting some complaints again. Anything you'd like to tell me?
What the fu--OH! Officer O'Reilly! What a pleasant surprise! I was just administering some "faith healing" to this young lad here. . .
With an erection?
Can I put my pants back on now?
Bah, you may as well. By the time I get out of jail, you'll be twenty, and that's just two damn old for me.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-15-03
*sigh* I dunno. . .I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life. I feel so useless. . .
Now, now, Bob, you're not useless. . .
Really?
Of course! You could be used for any number of things. A doorstop, a punching bag, a grossly overweight, ugly paperweight. . .
Five minutes later. . .
And people wonder why I have antisocial tendencies. . .
G-g-g-grow. . .a. . .*cough*. . .sense. . .of. . .h-h-h-HUMOR. . .asshole. . .

 

by DarthBudzy
10-15-03
The back alleys, midnight. . .
Yo, Homes!!
Huh? Oh, it's Huggy Bear from Starskey and Hutch.
Yeah, dat's real funny, white boy. check dis out, I gots tha best damn pussy fo sho'. All fo' de one-time only price of $200!
$200?! God damn! She must be pretty experienced!
My, he's a strapping lad. . .
Experienced? Well, I guess you could say dat. . .

 

by DarthBudzy
10-15-03
After the rave. . .
So, you're my Indian spirit guide, huh?
No, you dumb sack of shit! I'm the massive hallucination resulting for the three pounds of peyote buttons you just ate, dickwad.
Hallucination? No! This is supposed to be a dream quest! That Indian guy on the discovery channel told me!
Listen, you fucking retard: THIS IS NOT A DREAM QUEST! This is the end result of massive amounts of hallucinagenic toxins ravaging your already-meager brain cells!!
Say, aren't we supposed to dance around a bonfire like that Jim Morrison guy?
And to think, I'm stuck with you until this shit wears off. . .or until you try to stab the spiders on your face with an icepick.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-16-03
Three hours after the rave. . .
. . .so, what you're saying is that all of this is fantasy, an illusion caused by the copious amounts of peyote I ingested at the rave, right?
FINALLY! We're getting somewhere.
You see, you got into this whole thing by thinking that peyote would send you on what the Indians call a "dream quest", which is really a series of psychadelic hallucinations.
Sorry, I wasn't listening. Could you turn back into that chick with the big tits again?
Arrrrgh! Matey, if I wasn't a figment of yer drug-addled imagination, I'd kick ye in the nuts.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-16-03
Eighteen hours after the rave. . .
Hey! I think this shit is finally starting to wear off!! Thank GOD!!
Maybe next time, you'll think twice about experimenting with dangerous, mind altering substances.
You bet! Don't worry, man. I doubt we'll be seeing each other again.
That's good to know. I'm outta here!
Five minutes later. . .
Hi.
Son of a BITCH!!!

 

by DarthBudzy
10-16-03
Twenty hours after the rave. . .
Hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
Dude, have you seen the rest of my peyote?
Peyote? Uh. . .what peyote?

 

by DarthBudzy
10-16-03
Thirty hours after the rave. . .
Listen, I know this is all a hallucination brought on by those peyote buttons. . .
. . .and I pretty much have to ride this thing to the end. . .
. . .and that's ok. . .
. . .but I was wondering. . .
. . .could you please turn into something else again? You've been like this for the past hour, and it's kinda creepy.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-16-03
Well, cheif, it was a pretty simple bust.
We found the guy wandering the streets. . .
. . .he was telling all these wild stories about "dream quests", Indian spirit guides, talking paperclips, Jesus. . .crazy shit like that
In the end, he admitted to taking large amounts of peyote.
Good work, Sergeant! Did you find any peyote on the suspect?
Um. . .no, sir. Not a bit.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-16-03
Forty hours after the rave. . .
Time to go, buddy. One of your friends just posted your bail.
"One of my friends"? I wonder who would have done that. . .
Dude! NO WAY!!!
Way, man. You're just lucky that cop's trippin', too.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-16-03
Well, Mr. Hallucination, I can't thank you enough for bailing me out.
Hey, man. No problem. Just don't be making a habit of this shit, ok?
Well, I'd say that we should get together and do this some other time, but. . .well, you know.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, shit! I'm late for my flashback with Ozzy!

 

by DarthBudzy
10-17-03
Tyler's been so sweet tonight. *sigh*
I wonder if she's shaved downstairs.
He's so in-depth with my feelings. . .so charming. . .so smart. . .
My balls itch.
I think he may be the one.
Her tits are big. . .but not as big as her sister's.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-18-03
He's going to kiss me. I just know it.
She's gonna fuck me. I just know it.
I just can't stop staring at his eyes.
I just can't stop staring at her tits.
I wonder if he'll come in for a drink.
I wonder if she'll do anal on a first date.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-18-03
He's handsome, he's polite, he's in a band. . .
. . .he's a perfect gentleman. . .
I wonder if he noticed my new perfume?
She smells like pee.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-18-03
I have to say it. . .I'll never forgive myself if I don't. . .
I love you.
Holy shit. . .just back away slowly. . .no sudden movements. . .

 

by DarthBudzy
10-18-03
Tyler, what I told you took a lot of courage. I'd like to know what's on YOUR mind. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?
One time I fingered my dog.
His honesty touches me.
I wonder if she has a dog. . .

 

by DarthBudzy
10-18-03
Tyler, I've had a wonderful evening with you. I love the way I feel when I'm around you. You make me feel like I haven't felt in a long time. I love you. Isn't there anything you'd like to say to me?
What the fuck is your name, anyway?
He's so overcome with his love for me, that he can barely think straight. That is SO SWEET!
Sometimes when I watch telletubbies, I get the biggest boner. ESPECIALLY for that yellow one.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-18-03
Tell me about your hopes, your dreams, your fears.
Well, I hope to fuck you. I dream about torturing animals, setting things on fire, and pissing on the Mona Lisa. I fear Ethiopians, telephone booths, earwax, and my left nipple, which calls me names.
So, the Mona Lisa, huh? Are you an art lover, too?

 

by DarthBudzy
10-20-03
God, I love this man! I know he's right for me. All I need is a sign. . .
*poof*
Well, THIS can't be good.

 

by DarthBudzy
10-20-03
I never thought I would get over Tyler. . .but that was BEFORE I met Bob.
He's sweet. He's understanding. He makes sure to ask what *I* want, what *I* like.
Would you like that with extra ketchup, ma'am?
I love you.

 

by DarthBudzy
12-15-03
I wrote this when a gigantic tractor tire fell on my testicles. . .either that, or I was on drugs. Big time.
Blah blah blah. . .
FUCK YOU! FUCKING HOOK-NOSED SWEDE!!
Blah blah blah. . .
FUCK YOU! FUCKING HOOK-NOSED SWEDE!!
Blah blah blah. . .
FUCK YOU! FUCKING HOOK-NOSED SWEDE!!

 

by DarthBudzy
6-11-18
. . .
. . .
OH SHIT. . .I haven't made a comic in 15 years.

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