All comics by Draconias

Profile

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
Croodicle Hunter New York
As you can see this Kangaroo, normaly a peaceful species, becomes extremely agaited when threatened
Reach for the sky SUCKA!
Endangred by poachers these animals are forced to survive by almost any means necessary...
Shut up! Now turn around and give me your wallet!
Normally it doesn't involve mugging

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
Hi. I am Draconias
Or just like him, see. I got the black lipstick, black eye shadow, even black fangs.
I would have my black cape, but I left it at home. The cape is just like Draconias' cape except that I made mine from my bed sheets. Draconias is in a band. He plays the organ and sings
His band is called Draconias and The Dark Black Night Phantom Demon Underworld Menacers of Death Destruction and Suffering Painfully at the Lash of Twisted and Knarled Cat of Nine Tails in Deep Ruins
of Long Forgotten Deities that Torture the Lost Souls Condemned to Walk the Earth as Misfigured Creatures with Pussy Sores that Pop if You Touch Them to Amorphous Sludge. Most call 'em Drac. for short
No, I won't go out with you.

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
In the year 2012 the apocalypse raged the land...
Killer robots destroy and maim everything in their path...
Slightly deformed from radiation that damn bunny still lives...
Still going, nothing outlasts the energizer

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
Sometimes when I see Draconias up there on stage playing the organ, I wonder what's going through his mind. I bet he hears voices. I hear voices just like Draconias.
I'm sure you do...
When I'm sitting at home watching Teletubbies, I mean the bootleg of Incubus in Germany, everything will go silent and then I'll hear them whisper
Umm... riiight.
"Buy milk." What? "Get some bread and make sure it's sliced." No! No! Go away! "Could you also pick up a bag of kitty litter?"
Security!!!

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
Tensions rise on the trip to Mordor...
Frodo...
Yes, Sam?
You're pretty when I'm drunk.
Kiss me you fool!

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
This pesky goth kid keeps pestering me, could you get him off my back?
I'll see what I can do for you, mam.
The lady over there tells me you won't leave her alone.
And I thought we had it really going on! Sometimes I think I loose touch with Draconias. When that happens I focus on the pain. That's why I burn myself with a lighter. Focus... Focus... Focus...
You're coming downtown with me son
Focus... Focus... Focus... Ouch!

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
Rat tat tat tat! BOOM! Bang!
Man, maybe i shouldn't have gotten this job as an elementry school teacher.
Mornin' Mr. B.
BOOM! Pow! Rat tat tat tat tat!
I heard that we should have metal detectors at school but this is ridicules.
Mr. B! Grenade! Grenade!
Bang! ARRGGGHH! Rat tat tat!
Why is it the short, silent, grinning ones that are always up to something.
Initiate protocol kill Mr. B

 

by Draconias
1-27-02
The proverbial downtown...
Right this way son. We'll get you processed-
I'm so sorry officer! Please don't arrest me! I didn't mean to do it!
Do what? I was gonna get you treatment for that burn-
OK I'll admit it! Just no more interrogation tactics! It was me that snuck into the graveyard last night! But I was only writing poetry. I swear!
Poetry? What?
Do you want to hear it? Sitting at home one dark late night, a big giant bird gave me a fright. In my scared mind I heard the bird say "Nevermind."

 

by Draconias
1-30-02
Jackie Chan's first audition...
Next!
Hiya! Hut! Huh!
His form is good, but where I am going to find some crazy enough to jump from an exploding building into pile of rusty chainsaws?
You've got the part!

 

by Draconias
1-30-02
Son, I've seen your type before, you just promise you won't do drugs anymore.
But officer, I'm not on drugs. I'm normally this way. I swear.
?
Then I think you better start using drugs.

 

by Draconias
1-31-02
Well that was fun.
Yeah it was. Same time next week, Satan?

 

by Draconias
1-31-02
No way, officer! I'd never do drugs! I'm afraid that I would probably start talking to Satan or something crazy like that.
So then what happened?
Ohmygo! The apple pie recipe was like so good. I knew I'd win the bake sale for sure! But God, just like, got jealous and smited the mortal judges.
I was thinkin' more on the lines of Ritalin.
No way! I took some of my mom's ritalin once and I ended up talking to Jerry Garcia.

 

by Draconias
2-02-02
HOLY SHIT!!!!
What?
Surely our cry for democracy won't go unoticed those TANKS are joining the protest! Hey tanks guys over here!
Oh crap, not again.
Maybe if I throw this bottle at them I'll get their attention!
This is the last time I let my roomate get drunk before protest.

 

by Draconias
2-02-02
Dear Dairy, Today was an interesting day. I met the women of my dreams. I could tell by the way she yelled security that she may think the same of me...
One hour later...
...so that maybe one day we may find security together but not the kinda of security that locks you in a basement for a week strait.
Stalin has given me direct orders to interrogate you on your connection with 'Daughter.'

 

by Draconias
2-02-02
Five out of ten farmhands abuse moonshine while on the job.
One out of those five have a serious problem.
This ad paid for by the Council for a Bestiality Free America.
My, you shoor are pretty.
Help!

 

by Draconias
2-02-02
The one thing I like best about graveyards is that it gives me a chance that I might see a dead person.
I bet the real Draconias sees dead people all the time. I'm sure they give him all sorts of musical inspiration and stuff.
A real dead person! So um... er... how's life in the graveyard?
Eh not bad. The damn worms are bit of a problem and some asshole stole Yorick's skull today. But hell, it beats having to watch high school biology lectures all day.

 

by Draconias
2-03-02
Now that we have all your most influential Earth political leaders there will be no one left to lead a revolt when we enslave humanity!
What makes you think we are leaders and not just actors?
Petty mind games will not work on me! We've been monitering your television for quite sometime. Your Nielson ratings gave it all away! You pitiful senate from Friends, is being tortured as we speak!
That is where you are wrong! Our real leaders are on boring channels like c-span! They'll save us!
Meanwhile back on Captial Hill...
Although I would love to vote on this bill to save the country from alien invasion, I first would like to tell you my recipe for chicken pot pie followed by some excerpts from the phone book.

 

by Draconias
2-04-02
So your like really a dead guy! This is way to cool! I'll be the only one to say, I see dead people and mean it!
Woah. Hey kid, slow down and watch what you say, eh? Your likely ta sleep with the med. students, if you say dat stuff aroun' you know what I mean?
Say what? I see dead people? What's wrong with-
Kid, shadup. Da boss don't like that pharse. Dis kid used ta say dat stuff all the time. So da boss sent his thugs to hollywood and well have you even seen the Godfather movies?
They left a dead horse head in his bed?
No worse, they got him a contract to play in Problem Child 4!

 

by Draconias
2-05-02
This strike is great and all, but I really don’t argee with the strike. Of course if I cross the line no one will like me, but then again I do have free will.
Scab! Scab! Scab!
As the leader of the UN I would to welcome your species to the planet Earth.
Did he just use the word welcome? No one call my species goat fuckers and get’s away with it! Prepare to die Earth!
What? Damn. Guess I shouldn’t have posted that contest.

 

by Draconias
2-06-02
The world wasn't always like this... Life was good before it happened...
I was a grad student from Berkley. I had my whole life ahead of me...
Dude, let's like throw twinkes from the quad!
Right on! I'll bring the beer.

 

by Draconias
2-06-02
In the mitts of my experimentation...
Did you see that one drop?
It didn't even lose shape, splatter, or nuthin. I'm thinkin' twinkes could survive the apocalypse. We should write a paper about this.
I met the girl of my dreams...
Hey assholes! Quit throwing that shit you ruined my papers! You pricks!
Fuck you! Whore!
Dude, I think she likes me!
Word!

 

by Draconias
2-06-02
A twist of fate brought us together...
She's in this class! Now if I could only find a way to impress her, show her I'm dangerous yet still in control...
He's in this class! Now if I could only find a way to make him wink out of existance...
A twist of fate brought us together...
Good morning class, this lab will be making anti-matter an efficient energy source. Be careful screwing around with anti-matter could cause an apocalypse.
A twist of fate brought us together...
Jackpot!
Jackpot!

 

by Draconias
2-06-02
No don't go! This isn't your classic story of boy meets girl and start screwing with anti-matter causing the apocalypse! I would never do something as cheap as summarize the whole story in one frame!
There's more to it then that.
Phew! Good thing we saved the world from the apocalypse!
Bongo, your kinda sexy when you invent a time warping device to shoot the killer anti-matter beings that almost destroyed the planet into a black hole. Kiss me!
Sorry I'm late guys, Famine's horse passed out from malnutrition, so I let him borrow my Saturn. I just hope he remembers to put oil in the goddamn thing.
Dammit! This always happens when I'm about to get some.

 

by Draconias
2-06-02
We decided to get married, have 2.5 kids, live the normal life. I had everything a man could want. Although there was always some odd sense of foreshadowing in our relationship...
Do you take this women to be your wife even if she is hideously deformed by the apocalypse?
I do!
Maybe we shouldn't have went to Chernobal for our honeymoon?
Look honey, they are serving oversized cockroaches with three heads on the room service menu!
Honey! It's a boy!
How the hell did we get .5 of a kid?!?!

 

by Draconias
2-06-02
Life was good but then things turned sour.
Your going out drinking again, aren't you? Haven't you ever thought of me or the kids?
No I was just going to get the mail.
Sure blame it on the mail! What about me? Did you ever think about my needs? My magazine subscriptions??
Then I just starting looking for any excuse to leave the house, get the mail, take out the trash, heck I even mowed the lawn... I was a junkie.

 

by Draconias
2-06-02
In my endless delirium of yardwork and fetching the newspaper. I snapped.
Dammit women! If want to get the mail, I'll get the fucking mail! It's not like my mail habits are going to cause the apocalypse!
You... would... think...
I learned the true meaning of the phrase, "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned" especially those with a PHD from Berkley.
I look back now and I think, what a raging bitch. But she was my raging bitch, and even if she did manipulate the destruction of all mankind, you don't meet a women like that everyday. Even w/ Twinkes
Sorry I'm late, God Dammit! Where's Famine?

 

by Draconias
2-10-02
You know what this Holiday really needs?
What?
A deity.
Hey you, kid! Will you be our deity for Memorial Day?
Me? Really? Oh I'd be a perferct War God! In my game Star Trek the Gathering, I'm a level fifty eight Klingon Warlord!

 

by Draconias
2-12-02
The Grinch has caused World Warr III. This time only one man and his team of mutant ninja reindeer can stop him. Santa's back and he's bad in Christmas Fighters Seven.
Reindeers are you ready to kick some ass?!?!
Dammit, it had to be, Rudolph that fused to my ass!
Shut up Blitzen!
Look's like no reindeer games for you, eh Blitzen?
Um, Donner, Blizten...
Now that I have nuked those pitiful Who's, I have C4 triggered present with your name on it, Santa!

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