All comics by FrontButt

 

by FrontButt
5-18-04
Hey, Sista! Can I smell your pussy?
Heavens, NO!!!
Oh, then it must be yo FEET!
I'll put my stanky foot in your ASS, Nigga!

 

by FrontButt
5-22-04
John, please don't be mad at me. I said I was sorry.
PLEASE, John. You've always been there to help me, when nobody else would. I really appreciate all you've done for me.
How many times do I have to appologize? Colostomy bags aren't suppose to EXPLODE like that!

 

by FrontButt
5-23-04
Cheeto gets released from the joint.....
That's right baby, Cheeto back on da street! Open up deez mo fuckin doors, son!
Days later he resumes his career, as a math teacher....
Sally, if I gots me 7 ho's workin' 3 corners, suckin' dick at $5 a pop, how long will it be `til I have to choke a bitch?
Cheeto heads back to the joint....
....and that's when he handed me a bottle of syrup, & asked me to toss his salad.

 

by FrontButt
5-23-04
On a lovely Spring day, in 1978....
Nobody ever asks the clown to join the party.
Look at those rednecks, just staring at that stripper. Maybe I wanna get a better look at the stripper. Ever think of that, Cletus?
Hey, Gacy! Get over here & check out the COCK on this stripper!

 

by FrontButt
5-24-04
Welcome Yeng Chang. May I take your order?
Chickety China, Chinese Chicken?
Welcome Yeng Chang. May I take your order?
Dude, can I use your bathroom. I gotta crap like a HORSE?
Welcome Yeng Chang. May I take your order?
I'm pretty sure I just ripped one of my scrotal piercings out......Yes. Yes, I did. I'll take the #4, with extra sauce.

 

by FrontButt
5-29-04
Sally's ma heads off to "clock-in", at the corner of 5th & Brady.....
Mom's gotta get to work. You be good, now. There's some cheesy, meat-like substance in the bottom of the fridge.
Her breath smells like a hot litter box.
....and stay out of my shit!
You have NOTHING.
...while Sally cuts out the middle man, & lays down the ground rules.
Listen up, Mr. Peanut. Ya get 5 minutes for 25 bucks, & NO cumming in my hair. Got it?

 

by FrontButt
5-30-04
After getting up at the crack of noon, Jared goes to visit Twinkie...
For the love of GOD, won't somebody PLEASE kill me?!
Hey Twinkie, what's with that dude in the garbage can, near your building?
Oh, him? Yeah, that's a funny story. Come in here. I'll tell you about it, while I wax my asscrack...
That's Trashcan Timmy, the oldest living abortion. They thought he was dead, & threw him in the trash with the rest of the abortions. He's lived for 19 years by eating the others.
Hey, that IS a funny story! ...............You missed a spot.

 

by FrontButt
5-30-04
So, I says to Lucifer, I says...Hey, how's about a little help? Ya got me bustin' my balls all by myself, over here! Know what I'm talkin' `bout?
Ha ha! Yeah, he can be a real pisser, sometimes. We probably shouldn't be bad mouthing him like this, though. Ya know?
Oh, what are you worried about? He can't hear us. He ain't SANTA CLAUS, for fuck sake!
Ha Ha Ha Ha! Yeah, you're probably right. Fuck'em! Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Uh.... "Fuck'em" was probably a bit much.
Yeah, I'm thinkin' that's where I went wrong.

 

by FrontButt
5-30-04
Matching up the right character with the right slogan isn't always accomplished on the 1st try....
I'm Koo-Koo for Cocoa Puffs!
O.K., uh...that was great, really. I'm just not FEELING your "koo-kooness".
WHERE'S THE BEEF?!?!?
I'm guessing, between your buttcheeks............... Somebody get him out of here.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Hmmm, yes, that was just smashing. Don't sell the trailor just yet, Elly Mae.

 

by FrontButt
6-28-04
Way down deep, in a muddy canyon.....
Mike Rappa is here for you.
Thanks. Will you be honest, & open with me?
Mike Rappa is always open.
Well, that's good to hear.
I'm glad you understand what Mike Rappa is saying to you.
I think Mike Rappa is is under a lot of stress.

 

by FrontButt
4-12-09
I have no memory of the ride home last night.
You got thrown out of the club for looking at your own asshole in the mirror.
Oh shit. How many people were in the bathroom?
It was the mirror ball, above the dance floor.
Wow. That's pretty messed up.
Yeah, I don't think I can know you anymore.

 

by FrontButt
4-12-09
*Sniff*
Toilet paper.
Definitely going to use toilet paper, next time.
Are you even supposed to be in this school?

 

by FrontButt
4-13-09
Inside a local tavern... 1:12 A.M.
The dude totally lost his mind, man. It was brutal!
They ran out of Jack Daniel's.
Ah, I see. Totally justified. You're free to go.

 

by FrontButt
4-13-09
We join Whiskey Rabbit about 16 shots into the night...
Last thing I remember is playing 7 card stud at the bar. Then I got up, kicked over a table, stepped on a glass, looked at the owner, laughed & said 'Later, fuckers'.
Uh... why would you..
Apparently, putting 16 shots of JD into your system at an alarming rate does...uh...something.
You want a soda or something?
Last thing I remember is playing 7 card stud at the bar. Then I got up, kicked over a table stepped on a glass, looked at the owner, laughed & said 'Later, fuckers'.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE UNCONCIOUS!!!

 

by FrontButt
4-13-09
Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum...
I'm just going to be hungry again, in an hour.

 

by FrontButt
4-14-09
Walking on water? YAWN. Saw Criss Angel do that in Vegas. AND he's bangin' Holly Madison!
I once had a threesome with Alyson Hannigan & Sarah Chalke.
I hate him.

 

by FrontButt
4-14-09
Walking on water...
O.K., now you're just being an asshole.

 

by FrontButt
5-17-09
Won't that hurt?
Not if you lube it up real good.
But it's dirty in there. ICK!
I've been in more disgusting places.
I don't think I can do it. I might throw up.
Do you want to get your ring out of the garbage disposal or not?!

 

by FrontButt
9-11-09
Happy 9/11!
Uh...I don't know if that's the best way to say that.
Wait a minute! Are you one of those towel heads?
No. I'm black.
Happy 9/11!

 

by FrontButt
9-11-09
THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!! They are going to eat our flesh, while we scream in agony!
I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you about Jesus Christ, your Lord and savior.
What is taking those zombies so long?

 

PBR, buddy! Yee-haw!
I tried to buy PBR once. They wouldn't sell it to me because I had sleeves, and a diploma.
by FrontButt, 11-15-09

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