All comics by JohnB

 

by JohnB
10-31-02
My horses ass nearly blew up yesterday.
I didn't think you could fit so many fireworks in there.

 

by JohnB
10-31-02
I saw a story on the news recently about a priest who was caught in a compromising situation with some of his alter boys, and then he went to an orphanage and got the kids addicted to crack.
We all make mistakes.

 

by JohnB
10-31-02
October 31st...
A nice old lady gave me some candy today for no reason when I knocked on her door.
She muttered something about "Halloween", whatever the hell that means.
I kinda felt bad when I was eating her skin.

 

by JohnB
11-01-02
...and then, thanks be to God, I swerved out of the way of the group of children and came to a stop on the sidewalk.
Was this before or after you yelled "I am the lords murderous instrument of death"?

 

by JohnB
11-01-02
I'm your daddy, right son?
Who's YOUR daddy, bitch. I'm gonna shoot you, right in your fucking head.
The Gunshot echoes through the forest...
"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated..."

 

by JohnB
11-01-02
Mom, Dad? Are you home? I guess not!
That cat needs a good ass-raping.
Stay the fuck away from me.

 

by JohnB
11-02-02
Hey, you morbidly obese lumb of human waste. What are you doing today?
The usual...
Struggling to breathe.

 

by JohnB
11-02-02
I had a vision from the one you call "God" today.
He said that he hates you, Jeremy. He specified that he'd rather see you burn in hell than listen to one more of your lurid masturbatorial confessions.

 

by JohnB
11-02-02
You've Got Mail!
"FR. FLASH - Our naked lolita's NEED your cock. Watch them perform for you live on webcam".
Who needs God, when I have the all-powerful, all-seeing Internet! All hail the new supreme leader of mankind!

 

by JohnB
11-02-02
Father Flash, I've been hearing some terrible things about you. The list is almost too long to mention. Ok, here goes. Complaint number 1: You broadcast people's confessions over the internet...
6 Minutes, 37 Seconds and 42 Complaints Later...
...and then you proceded to shave little Billy O'Neill's new puppy completely bald. What do you have to say to these charges?
Don't walk away from me! I'm the almighty Lord of the human race!!

 

by JohnB
11-05-02
I'm sure a lot of you are wondering why a guy like me joined the priesthood?
Well, the truth is that I had to leave my last job as coach of the local Under 11's track and field team pretty quick. There was complaints about the motivational techniques I used.
The results speak for themselves, they'd run faster when I yelled "Work That Ass".

 

by JohnB
9-30-04
So bored...
This is hurting a lot more than I'm letting on.
Thanks folks, I'm here all week.

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